Story Notes:
Sorry, I missed the first of the month, I've got visitors staying at the moment. I'll try to get a second story posted this month :)
Author's Chapter Notes:
Not exactly a song fic but inspired by the song 'I Scare Myself' by Beth Crowley.
Logan scowled at the large building before him. It had been nine months since he had seen it last, and he still wasn't sure how he felt about being back. He had left leads, from the Alkali Lake facility Chuck had pointed him towards, unexplored even. His reason for returning was also the reason he felt he shouldn't have returned.

Rogue... Marie.

After leaving her at the mansion he had thought that would be the end of his connection with her. No, he had no intention of breaking his promise to return, he was always going to come back at some point, probably just to harass Chuck for fresh leads when that trail went cold. He had just assumed however that, by the time he came back, Marie would have settled in, made some friends, and wouldn't need him anymore.

As much as he had tried not to let that bother him, he still found himself cherishing the memories he held of their time together. Even when those memories replaced his regular nightmares in full high definition technicolour.

For months he woke each morning with the memory of Marie tenderly touching his cheek as his claws pierced her chest, or listening to her draw a sudden breath as her heart began to thump reassuringly. Occasionally he was lucky enough to end the night with the picture of one of her smiles in his mind eye, the hesitant smile she offered as he left her in the school foyer, or his favourite, the sassy grin she shot him as they introduced themselves in the front seat of his truck. The dreams were what had lured him back now, what had caused him to forgo his search for his ever elusive past.

For over a month now his nights had been interrupted regularly by a new nightmare. A nightmare even more terrifying than any that had ever assaulted him, and left him with a deep longing and terror that he had only been able to soothe by turning Scott's motorcycle back in the direction of the mutant school. Whatever lay on the other side of the door before him would seal his fate, one way or another.

Drawing in a nervous breath, Logan pushed the door open and stepped inside.


The school was still as loud as ever, kids who were old enough to know better running and hollering through the halls. A small group of girls wandering down the hall shyly greeted him before hurrying on their way, their hushed giggled comments about him making him scowl rather than grin cockily.

"Logan!" an accented feminine voice called, from somewhere off to his left.

With what he hoped passed for a somewhat polite greeting, he turned to Ororo, surprised when she actually appeared happy to see him.

"Thought these brats were supposed to be in school," he grumbled, gesturing to the few faces who were peering out into the hall to gawk at him.

"It's the holidays Logan," Ororo informed him with a laugh.

With a shrug Logan moved on to his reason for his visit, he wasn't really a fan of small talk after all. "Is Rogue around?" he asked.

"Uh, I suppose she's around somewhere, I haven't seen her today though, you could check her room," Ororo replied, realizing quickly that he wasn't interested in friendly chit chat, not with her at least.

"Sure, thanks, hey I might be hanging around for a bit, is my old room still available?" he asked, keen to beat a retreat and go find Marie.

"Yes, yes it is, the Professor kept it open for you, welcome back Logan," was the response, as Ororo smiled at him warmly before taking a step back, releasing him from their conversation as she detected his desire to leave.

"Thanks, see you around," he added, as he turned for the stairs to the upper levels.


He headed directly for the dorms, worried at the fact that despite word being spread quickly through the students - he could hear their whispered comments clearly - Marie hadn't made an appearance in the foyer. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, for her to run into the room excitedly and throw her arms around him, at least a reserved 'hi' and a smile for sure.

It didn't help settle his nerves any when he got to the dorm she shared with the other girls, only to find her scent in that room stale and old, as if she hadn't been in there for more than a passing visit for several weeks.

With a worried scowl he turned and headed for his own room, he would grab a shower and then head down to dinner, surely she would show to that.


He could hear water running before he even opened his door, then soft music coming from the bathroom. In confusion he double checked it was the right room, before suddenly realizing the entire room was saturated in Marie's scent. This must have been where she had been staying recently, obviously no one knew given Ororo had told him the room was still available for him. Dumping his pack on the bed, he moved toward the bathroom, raising his hand to knock on the door. Pausing at the last second when he picked up the distinct, and nauseatingly familiar, scent of Marie's blood. He instead twisted the handle and threw the door open.

He felt his heart jump into his throat when he spotted the still, pale form huddled on the floor of his shower. Red blood trickling off her arm to get lost in the swirling fall of cold water coming from the showerhead. He was frozen in shock, until he realised she was still breathing. Suddenly able to move, as his senses informed him there wasn't enough blood for her to have done any serious damage to herself, he grabbed the nearest towel, shut the water off, and dropped to his knees beside the still, sleeping girl.

Carefully he took her arm, turning it toward himself. The previously smooth unblemished surface was littered with scars, at varying stages of healing, she must have been cutting for months. Today's addition to the collection was one step further, the words 'I SCARE MYSELF' stood out starkly, carved deep in blood red against her white skin. Feeling his heart break at the sight, he lamented his own foolishness for ignoring the dreams for so long. Somehow, somehow she had been calling to him, and he had ignored her. Now here she was, self destructing in his own bathroom, desperate for someone to see her.

A soft sniffle drew his attention back to her face, as the girl in question regarded him miserably through tear filled eyes.

"I'm here darlin, I've got you," Logan murmured softly, wrapping the towel he held around her and picking her up off the shower floor. He sat her on the bathroom bench, and for several minutes as she began to sob and cling to him, he just held her.

When she calmed enough he moved away, just far enough to dig out the first aid kit from the bathroom cupboard. The first thing he took out was the pair of latex gloves, followed by some antiseptic wipes, a wound pad, and a bandage. In silence but for Marie's occasional sniffles, and the soft music still playing in the background, Logan patched up her arm. When he was done, he tenderly dried her off with the towel, before carrying her to his bed. Laying her down he pulled the sheet over her naked body, before moving to his pack. He pulled out his own gloves, swapping the latex for them, and shedding his jacket before he joined Marie on the bed. Gathering her up into his arms, he felt her sigh inaudibly as her head came to rest on his chest while she clung to him, as if she were afraid he would disappear if she released her grip.

"Sleep now darlin, I've got you," he murmured again softly, holding her as he felt her begin to sob again. Eventually breathing a sigh of relief as he heard her heart rate even out as she finally slipped into sleep.


He lay in bed for hours, listening to the sound of Marie's heart, her steady breathing, and the music from the bathroom. It was just one song, playing on repeat, hauntingly beautiful and scarily fitting in a way he never would have imagined.

Suddenly, as if a lightbulb just flicked on inside his brain, he knew what Marie needed, he knew what he too had been craving. More to the point, he knew what he needed to do going forward.

Confident Marie was deeply asleep and wouldn't be waking anytime soon, he slipped soundlessly out of bed, and let himself back through the halls.


Marie stirred unconsciously, there was a simultaneously familiar but odd hum in her ears. It took her some minutes to force herself to awareness. Her eyes, swollen and gritty as had become familiar from so many nights crying herself to sleep, took a moment longer to force open.

The sight that met her eyes would have been surprising, except that she immediately convinced herself she was still dreaming. There was no way Logan was sitting in front of her, it just wasn't possible. At least that was what she thought, until she realised they were moving.

Starting suddenly, she glanced around herself.

She was in the front seat of a large van, she recognized the van from the mansion. It was a beat up late model van, that Scott used for collecting large or heavy pieces of equipment the school needed. Her seat was reclined, obviously to compensate for the fact she had been asleep and unable to hold herself upright, and she could see into the back of the van. It was bare, bar for two large packs that were tossed haphazard onto the floor and left to slide around the empty space.

Turning her attention in the other direction she glanced out at the road, illuminated by the vans headlights. Beyond to the inky darkness of mountains, and above to the twinkling expanse of starlight, that she recognized from her time as a runaway meant they were far from any city.

Turning back to Logan in confusion she noted he was silently observing her, as if he were waiting for her reaction.

"... Is this real?" she whispered softly, trying to hold back the fresh round of tears she could feel threatening to fall.

"It's real darlin," Logan murmured softly, his deep comforting voice echoing in her ears and bringing a faint smile to her lips, even as she let her eyes fall closed again as tears began to track familiar paths down her cheeks.

She felt the vehicles momentum change, and heard the crunching of gravel, as Logan carefully pulled the vehicle over onto the side of the road. The next thing she knew her seatbelt had been released and Logan had hauled her bodily into his lap. Holding her tight, her head tucked against his chest as he tenderly kissed the top of her head, all the while murmuring words of comfort to her. When she finally stopped crying again, she tipped her head back, to glance up into the mesmerizing hazel eyes watching her intently.

"Where are we?" she asked softly, clearing her throat when the residue of her emotional outburst made her throat tickle and her voice scratchy.

"Pennsylvania," Logan murmured back, his hand rubbing her back soothingly.

"Whe- where are we going?" Marie asked hopefully, silently begging that he wasn't going to take her back to the school.

"Wherever the road leads," he replied, a touch of a smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

She had so many more questions she wanted to ask but not enough energy to ask them all. So she summed them up with the one word that fit them all.

"Why?" she barely whispered.

That one word drew out the soft smile Logan had been trying to keep locked away, as he answered, "I'd crawl through hell if it meant I could keep you."

Taking a few minutes to let his words sink in, or more, the meaning behind his words, Marie smiled tiredly. "You can feel it to?" she replied, eyes sparkling with hope and love.

"From the other side of the goddamn continent even, I thought I could escape loving you, but loving you really is my escape," Logan told her tenderly.

Marie snuggled back against his chest again, feeling so much joy, and a contentment she hadn't felt for so long. She could only nod in agreement, not trusting her voice to reply verbally.

Eventually Logan nudged her off his lap and back into her own seat, refastened her seatbelt, and retrieved the blanket she had been covered with from the footwell.

"You sleep some more darlin," Logan said, carefully pulling the van back out onto the road, to continue driving west.

She fell asleep again as the van rumbled steadily down the road, Logan's gloved hand clutched in her still bare hand. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't afraid anymore.
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