CHAPTER 2- Logan

I came awake all at once, claws extended. I rocked up onto my knees, senses alert as I scented the air around me.  I shook my head, twice as though to clear it.

Impossible.  

I could still taste her on my tongue. I smelled Marie on the bed, in the very air.  On my body. The stink of sex, of blood, of Marie and I popped my claws, slicing at the mattress on which I lay. Little bits of fuzz and mattress foam hung in the air for a minute before drifting back down onto the ruined mattress.

What the fuck?  

My heartrate was going through the fuckin’ roof. I couldn’t seem to equate what my senses were telling me with anything that could even resemble reality. I rolled off the bed, glaring down at the small reddish-brown stain on the mattress.  I felt sticky, almost languid after the way I did after really good sex. I glanced down at myself and flinched, my stomach churning. 

I wanted to be sick.

More details came to me. A pair of flannel sleep pants were torn off and crumpled in the corner.  I tried to force my brain to remember something, anything from last night and all I could come up with was the extremely confusing image of one of my claws slicing into Marie’s throat, her huge brown eyes even wider as she stared up at me in fear.

“Logan?”

I whirled, snarling a little.  The Furball stood there staring at me, a strange kind of understanding on his face. His huge arm was in a sling, but otherwise he looked completely normal.  His whole countenance was non-threatening. He practically projected calmness and understanding.

“Logan, I know that you are dreadfully confused. And I am so sorry. I promise that I will explain everything.”

“Where’s Marie?”  My voice is gruff. I retract my claws and walk towards the Beast. He doesn’t flinch at my approach. It’s like he trusts me, or some shit.

He shouldn’t.

“Marie is fine. Please do not concern yourse--”

“Look, bub.  I can still smell how much I hurt her. Save your bullshit for later.  Tell me where she is... now!” I can hear the growl in my voice, but the Beast doesn’t flinch. If anything he looks more worried than ever.

“I will expl--”  I rush him, furious at the fact that he won’t tell me what I want so desperately to know.   When he drops me on my ass it surprises me so much that I’m stunned. Not hurt, but I lost my breath when I hit the metal floor. I got so used to seeing the Beast as some great gentle giant that I forgot that he had twice my strength.  He came over to me and offered his good arm, pulling me up.  “I understand your frustration. I know that you are confused.  I promise to you that Marie is not physically hurt. Oh my stars and garters, there is so much to tell you.”

I blinked. Not physically hurt? Physically?  What the fuck did that mean?  Still, I knew that if I just calmed down for a bit I would have some answers.  It was hard. It went against every single one of my instincts to breathe through the panic and actually listen to him.

“Fine.”

There was a subtle shift and it was suddenly more Hank than the Beast. He pushed the small gold glasses up onto his nose and nodded. “Follow me.”  I could smell that Marie had walked this same way. There were other scents: ‘Ro and Bobby’s chief among them. I wasn’t aware that I was growling deep in my throat again when Marie’s scent went off towards the elevators, and Hank’s hand came up onto my elbow to steer me towards the medbay. “The shower is through there. I placed some sweats at hand for you.  I will see to a meal, and then will explain everything.”

“Not really hungry, Furball.” My stomach still felt nauseous. I walked to the shower, still breathing in the not-so-subtle scents of Marie and sex.  I felt disgusted with myself.  For some reason I’d gone all Wolverine on her. I knew that the sex had probably been brutal, and scary and Jesus fucking Christ I really was an animal.  She’d been a virgin and I...I shook my head again, fighting the bile in my throat. The shower felt good. For some reason my head ached, and the steam seemed to help clear it. I soaped down, still trying to remember what the actual fuck had happened, but my memory was being its usual stubborn self. 

I’d gone from stabbing Jean to... to waking up in that room. There were a few other flashes: holding Marie at clawpoint, snarling at a Storm whose eyes had gone silver, feeling a cold satisfaction at the small trickle of blood that trickled from her mouth. Then a sharp pain and... nothing.

I shut the water off and stood there.  Hank had said that nothing was physically wrong with Marie. Physically. For some reason that word kept resonating with me.  I knew just about better than anyone how much emotional wounds could hurt.  Had I... raped her? The flash of memory would seem to suggest yes.  And that’s where my brain just sort of fizzled out. I blinked the water out of my eyes and shook my head to rid myself of the excess water.  I’d been protecting the kid for so long that I couldn’t actually imagine a situation where I wouldn’t put her safety first.  The flash of her wide, frightened eyes swam up before me again, and I just barely made it to the toilet, vomiting up  what felt like everything I’d ever eaten.

Hank’s claws skittered against the door as he handed me a towel.  I cleaned up, brushing my teeth and dressing in the sweats he’d provided for me.  I couldn’t quite meet his steady gaze as I followed him to his desk.  I did grunt appreciatively at the coffee he left for me, though.

“Okay, bub. So what the fuck happened?”

“What is the last thing that you remember?”

Jean’s face flashed before me. I could see those dark, fathomless eyes, empty of everything but fire, of the pleasure the Phoenix took in destruction. I remembered the incredible heat as I forced myself closer and closer to her, the tug of my mind as whatever was left of Jeannie begged me to kill her, to end this. “Killing her.”

“It, Logan. Jean Grey was dead as soon as the Phoenix took over her psyche. There might have been bits and pieces left over that reminded us of our friend, but....”

I clutched the coffee cup so hard that I heard the ceramic give a crack. Prudently, I finished the rest of my coffee.

Hank sighed.  “We can discuss that later.  From what scans I was able to do, and from what I am able to piece together, you had significant ... pulls placed on your mind. I won’t call them mind control, since they were far less powerful than that, but they were there and strong enough that the Phoenix was able to use them to... nudge your behavior. Mind suggestions...perhaps.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, Logan. Not so.”  ‘Ro’s calm voice startled me. I had been so attuned to the furball’s explanation that I didn’t notice her entrance. I could smell a faint trace of Marie on her and my nostrils flared.  I jumped up, pacing, unable to sit still. She held out a calming hand, but I was anything but calm. It fucking killed me to keep quiet, to not snarl my frustration at how slowly they were explaining things.  “We believe that the sudden cessation of those mental pathways, along with the trauma brought on by the Phoenix's destruction of your body caused your completely feral state.”

I blinked at her, pausing in my pacing.  My heartrate started to beat a little more quickly. No fucking way was anything ‘Ro or Hank was about to say gonna be anything but bad news.

“During our last mission, you found yourself acting… oddly. Perhaps easier to anger? More aggressive than usual?”  Hank looked at me over the tops of his glasses.  I shrugged.  Who gave a shit? What did that have to do with anything?

“Maybe.”

“We believe that Jean must have… subverted you somehow.  Tell me, had she ever been able to use telepathy against you?” I jerked my head in a nod. “Her power was phenomenal, as you are aware.  The idea that the Professor had to cull her telepathy from when she was a child…” Hank shook his head, signing. “Jean’s mind was, as I said, awesome in her powers.” Hank’s gaze zeroed in over my shoulder to ‘Ro’s steady gaze. “She was an Omega, Logan. One of the most powerful mutants in existence. We really can only theorize as to the level of her power.  The Professor believed that she would often tap those omega-level powers without knowing it. However, when closely examined, there is a psionic… imprint left in her wake. Residue.”

“Like a fingerprint?”  The mutant lesson is interestin’ enough that in spite of my worry, I listen.  Course that was pretty much the case with Red. And look at how well that worked for me.

“Exactly.” ‘Ro’s voice is as calm as ever. “Hank has found traces of her mental pathways on most of us, Logan. Scott, Hank, myself…and … Rogue. Several of the recently-graduated students as well. We were unable to test the Professor, but since he brought it to our attention…”

My eyes widen.

“So you think that Jeannie…”

“More likely the Phoenix. It is important to keep the two separate.”

“Right. So, okay, after it went coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, then what? I went berserk or something?”

“Or something.” There is a faint smile on ‘Ro’s face.  I’m beginning to get a sense of foreboding when Hank confirms my thought.

“Indeed. You were quite vicious. You attacked ‘Ro and myself when we attempted to subdue you.” ‘Ro lifts up her shirt to show a bandage on her stomach. I can see the very tops of three claw marks, just beginning to scab over. I jerk my eyes down to the floor, shame flooding my senses so violently that my empty stomach heaves.

“Shit…” I mutter.  “’Ro…”

She reaches out to touch my shoulder.  “No. You were not yourself. It is no different from when I accidentally caught you in the lightning storm last year."

“Oh yeah. I remember that.” Lightning-charged adamantium had not been one of my best moments.  I had smelled like singed hair and ozone for almost three days. The damn kids had about pissed themselves laughing.I blinked and there was a flash of another memory and I winced.

“Did I throw you through a wall?” 

Hank nods, his grin seeming horribly out of place. “Sure did. Of course, I injected you with the Cure, so…”

“You did what?” My claws pop with the familiar snikt that generally has people running for the hills.  These two assholes barely blink.

“It was... an unfortunate mistake. I had grabbed for the specially-mixed tranquilizer and instead grabbed the vial of Cure that I injected into Magneto. Fortunately there were only several drops instead of a full dose.  But your physiology did not care for that at all. Not only did it interrupt your healing mutation, it would not let you retract your claws.  Add to the fact that you were in a rather unpleasant mood….”

“…and we had to isolate you.”

I blinked again, mulling over what they had said. I had picked up the habit of popping and retracting my claws whenever I was nervous or in deep thought, and the Bobsey twins gave me time to think.

Wise of them.

“So, okay. That explains why was there.  Now explain Rogue.” Marie. For a second, I could smell the blush on Hank’s skin.  Despite my own misgivings, I raised an eyebrow.

“We believe she was worried about you.  She came back from going to the clinic and … well. It was somewhat chaotic around here.  I’m afraid that we forgot about her in the hubbub. She took it upon herself to go and see if she could bring you out of it.” To my utter and complete shock, the faintest hint of a smirk twisted ‘Ro’s lips. “And she was successful.”

I know that I was gaping at her but I couldn’t seem to help myself. “How fucking nice that I can provide entertainment for you.”  I heard the growl in my voice.  Fuck them. Fuck this. I shoved past the two of them and made my way upstairs to find Marie and somehow try to apologize.

When the elevator doors opened I saw Marie’s friend, Jubilation Lee. She was, not surprisingly, wearing a shade of yellow that made my damn eyes bleed. I don’t know what expression was on my face, but her eyes got really wide as she took a step back. I could see the bright colored plasma playing around her fingers and smell the sudden nervousness that hung around her like a sour perfume.  I ignored it, taking the steps two at a time until I got to Marie’s room.

“Marie?” I forced my voice into some semblance of calm. She’d probably hit me with a lamp or something if I barged in there sounding like that. “Rogue. Open the damn door, darlin’.”  I knocked again and then tried the handle when she didn’t answer.   As soon as the door swung open, I knew that Marie wasn’t there. My throat tightened when I caught our mingled scents and frowned, trying not to shove the guilt back down in my gut.  As someone who’d taken off a time or two in my life, I recognized the signs when I saw them.  I stood on the threshold, my eyes darting around the small room.  I took in the unmade bed, the crumpled black t-shirt (and yeah my heart gave a weird leap when I saw it was one of mine- what of it?) next to her overflowing laundry hamper, the way her dresser looked like a small bomb had gone off inside of it, spitting scarves and socks and one bright green pair of panties like shrapnel. I knew that I was growling when I stalked forward to yank open the closet door, ignoring the fact that I completely jerked it off its hinges in my anger.

The duffel bag that she’d first ran with, way back when I met her in Laughlin City was gone.

For a second I just stood there, every muscle tense as I tried to get my breathing under control.  Another glance around the room showed that she’d also packed her laptop and a few of her favorite books. She wasn’t a girl for sentimentality. Marie had just taken what she needed and had bolted, running as was her habit.

Fuck. “Fuck!”

I was running downstairs before I had even thought about it, instinct taking me past the second floor classrooms, past the rec room, kitchen and dining areas and outside only to stop short at the torrential downpour that greeted me, icy rain and wind almost sending me back onto my ass. My nostrils flared as I tried to catch Marie’s scent. A small sound to my left caused me to turn my head, already knowing what I would find: Storm standing on the porch with her hand outstretched, eyes just fading back to her normal placid brown instead of the milky whiteness that heralded her mutant power.

“Why?”

I knew why, but I wanted her to say the words.

‘Ro raised an eyebrow, ignoring me as I clambered to my feet, staring up at the sky.  “She asked me to.”

Yeah, that hurt just as much as I thought it would.

“She wanted some time on her own and then she promised to come back. The two weeks was the best I could do. You know how she felt, Logan.  She hated to feel like a burden. She felt that she doesn’t have a place here with the X-Men anymore. For what it is worth, I am certain that her leaving had been building for awhile. Your recent… indisposition… perhaps just served as more of a catalyst.” The rain was ice cold, even through the sweats.  I watched the furious storm with my arms crossed over my chest, trying to reign in my filthy temper. 

She signed. “Please. We… need you. Give me one week, Logan. Seven days of helping us get our feet back on the ground. Then I will give you her location.”

I whirled on the ball of my foot, swiping my claws through a potted plant that hung from the porch’s ceiling. The terracotta fell to the ground with a clatter. I heard Storm’s sign of relief as I stalked up to my room. My hands found the cigar on auto-pilot as I looked out of my window at the storm Storm had created. I could feel a muscle ticking in my jaw as I breathed in the smoke, attempting to calm myself.

My gaze caught on the flame of the Professor’s tombstone. His death had really been the point where things started to go to shit. Part of me wanted to blame him.  Wheels hadn’t exactly been known for his humble nature.  Maybe it was his gift that had let him see everything there was to know about human nature, and still come out thinking that he knew what was right.  Kind of ironic that that arrogance was what had gotten him dissolved into a billion fucking pieces of Baldy.  Fuck, even Magneto had been shocked that Chuck wasn’t gonna come up smelling like daises on that one. Still, hindsight being what it is and all, if he’d been controlling Jeannie since she was a kid, then surely he had to have had a back-up plan for what was gonna happen if he ever bought it. Or maybe arrogance like that didn’t plan for an eventual demise.  Who the fuck knew. I inhaled, ignoring the faintly grey cloud of smoke that hung around me. 

A week. Thing was, yeah the rain and wind would confuse a dog. My enhanced senses worked somewhat like a canine’s. The fuckers that had engineered me saw to it that I’d be able to track a dog’s fart from two miles away if I was so inclined.  They were called enhanced senses for a reason.  But… she’d asked for a week.  She’d specifically asked ‘Ro to cover her tracks. The question was, was whether or not I was goin’ to give her that space or go find her and see if I could get her hysterical, hormone-ridden ass to—

Hormones.

I swear to fucking God, my heart stopped. I was up and stumbling into her room before I had even registered that I had stood up. Inhaling deeply, I quickly sifted through the scents in the room. Marie, me, the little Iceprick on the bed , Marie.

I couldn’t scent anything and I almost laughed, flopping down onto the bed as my legs sagged in relief.  Ever since waking up in the panic room, I’d been pretty fucking confused, sort of stumbling from one thing to the next.  Even though, I was pretty goddamn sure that neither of us were ready to be a parent yet. It had been pretty damn obvious that neither one of us had stopped for a rubber. Confirming  that she wasn’t ovulating was a fucking relief, not even gonna lie. Talk about complications that weren’t needed. I already felt like I was in the middle of a fucking soap opera. I wasn’t exactly material to be somebody’s daddy.

I turned my head a little, frowning. I didn’t like the scent of that little bastard on her bed, on her pillow. I cocked my head to listen for any movement, and finding none quickly stretched out over the area he must have lain, rubbing my skin, still wet from the rain, into her bedstead and the little girly frilly thing on top of her pillow until I couldn’t smell the little motherfucker any more.

I stretched again, letting her scent calm me down.

This was pretty fucked up.  I felt like a creep in her room and quickly got back up, fixing the closet door as best I could and straightening up the few things she’d left out in her haste to leave (me)… leave.  I shut the door behind me with a small click and made my way back to my room. We weren’t far from each other.  Maybe about fifty feet. I saw my stogie on the floor and scooped it up, making a face at the wet wrapping.

Shit, I was tired.

Could I give her a week?

Did I have much of a fucking choice? Marie wanted a week, she got it.  She wanted me to apologize until I was blue in the face? She got it. Who was I kidding?  If the kid wanted my balls on a goddamn silver platter, she had them.  I think the worst part of all of this was not knowing what exactly had happened. I was no stranger to the torture one person could inflict on another.  Hell, if ‘Ro and the furball hadn’t sworn up, down, and sideways that I hadn’t hurt her, I can’t say for sure that I would have given Marie the week she’d asked for.  But they had, and neither of them had been lying I would have smelled a lie on either one of them. The shit they said about Jeannie was disturbing enough that I stayed awake for several more hours, listening to the storm outside and thinking. When I finally fell asleep, my dreams were full of the taste of blood and beautiful brown eyes widened in fear.

The footstep outside of my door woke me.  I came awake all at once, each sense on full alert. The little bastard might have thought that he was being stealthy as he listened against the solid wood of my door, but he might as well have announced his presence with a fucking brass band.  I didn’t make a sound as I got up and waited for him to get on the stairs before easing open my door and following him.  I can’t say for sure why I didn’t just throw open my door and start hollerin’ at the little bastard. But the obvious way that he’d tried to be stealthy pricked my curiosity.  I trailed him like a deadly shadow, having no problem following his scent. I detected a slight hint of lust which I admit, confused the shit out of me. Was he going to meet someone? My eyes widened.  Was he goin’ to meet Marie? Had she contacted him? That made the fact he’d checked to make sure that I was in my room make more sense, really. I raised an eyebrow when he took the elevator down to the sub-levels, entering his code with a few quick punches of his fingers.  Shit.  I’d have to wait until the elevator was back up here before going down, or he’d hear me.  That would put me a few minutes behind him.  But, unless the little Iceprick was planning on taking the jet, there weren’t all that many places for him to go. I could find him.

A few minutes later found me in the sub-level, breathing shallowly.  The scent of Bobby was stronger down here, and the punch of his sweat, his lust and anticipation made my fucking stomach turn.  Then I heard it, and what passed for my higher brain function ceased.

“I.. uh... I’m fine. Just... hush up for a second, will ya?” Marie.  She sounded absolutely petrified.

My claws popped and I was running full tilt towards the sound, full instinct keeping the roar that built in my chest behind my teeth.  I was moving so quickly that I almost skidded past the small room. Cotton socks on metal floors. Jesus. I rolled my eyes at myself, taking a few deep breaths to try to restrain the anticipation that was thrumming under my skin.  I felt like a complete dick and was heartily glad that no one had seen my Risky Business impression. Still feeling that strange drop in my belly, I stuck my head around the door to face Marie and her boyfriend.

Y’know there are lotsa things in my life that I’ve seen that’ll really fuck a guy up. I didn’t remember a lot of ‘em of course. But some were burned into my memory so hard that I knew I’d never stop having nightmares about ‘em.  Marie’s cold, lifeless body on that fuckin’ statue. Seeing Itsu’s blood-soaked corpse and knowing that I was responsible. Being helpless to save her as Marie’s body was flung out of the jet. Watching Jeannie’s face when I sliced through her body.

But nothing in my past prepared me for seeing the little blond fucker with his dick in a stranglehold, watching Marie on an old training sim. I brought up both my arms, sparks flying from the adamantium when I sliced through the metal door frame.  Bobby made a sound that was between a scream and a cat being scalded and jumped about three feet in the air, slamming his hand down on the control console to freeze the image.  I saw myself crouched, Marie wrapped around my back like she had some hope of stopping me.  I didn’t normally flinch at my face, but seeing my lips twisted in a snarl, my heavy brows drawn down in a furious glare juxtaposed with Marie’s sweet face behind me, her mouth open as she got ready to scream made my heart heavy in my chest.  What was he watching? It must have been one of the more recent training sims. Rogue had a habit of not staying down when we sparred. That was one damn stubborn woman.  It was that more than anything else that turned my fury into an insane urge to laugh.  Well that and the kid still had his pecker out.  That shit would make anyone laugh.

Still, he didn’t know that I was about to bust out laughing.

“What. The. Fuck,” I growled, low in my chest as I took one slow, measured step forward. The kid had jumped up and was stuffing himself back into his jeans quicker’n shit through a goose.

“I... I just wanted to see...”  His voice squeaked as he backpedalled himself into a corner.

I allowed my claws to move forward with my body so that the they sliced through the chair. “See.... what?” My claws retracted with their muted snikt but I don’t think the kid noticed. He took a deep breath and I was startled to see tears pooling in his ridiculously blue eyes. “Look. I know that you guys fucked. I heard ‘Ro and Hank talking about it. If my girlfriend is gonna cheat on me...”

Yep. That did it.

Several things clicked at once.  This wasn’t some Danger Room training video. He’d been watching... ready to beat off to... In seconds, I had him by the neck, lifting him up so that his bare feet dangled just above the floor.

“You got about two seconds to explain what the fuck you think you’re doin’ here before I gut you like a fuckin stuck pig.” I’m surprised he could understand me through the growling I didn’t want to bite back.

His hand came to hold my wrist, his nails digging into my wrist.“You act like you’re better than anyone. Every time you come back, it’s like ‘Oh don’t ask him questions, just be glad he’s here to save our asses again.’ It was your fault that all that shit went down. Rogue told me all about it before she left, how you and Mz Grey were fucking on the table in the medbay.”  I was so stunned that I actually let go of him.  “Betcha didn’t know that she saw you, huh? You let her out. It’s your fault that the Professor is dead. That Mr. Summers is dead. That Mz. Grey is dead! No fucking wonder Rogue ran away!”

I was so stunned by what Bobby had yelled that I let him get by me. I collapsed into the chair he was sitting in, shocked completely and utterly stupid.

I can’t say how long I sat there staring at the monitor before I keyed in the sequence to turn off the machine.  I wasn’t a technophile by any means, but there was a certain level of technological expertise expected when working with Wheels and the X-Geeks. It wasn’t hard to see that the recording had been on a motion sensor, clicking on when they had stuck me in the reinforced cage of the panic room.  I saw from the time stamps that I’d been in there a little over three days.  Idly, I watched the very first one and saw how I’d given ‘Ro, Hank, that Jubilee kid, Kitty, and the Dickless Wonder a fuck lot of a fight before ‘Ro had pretty much stuck a fork of lightening up my ass to stun me while they got the hell out of there. I guess they were too afraid to give me anything in case it reacted with the shit Hank had injected me with.  I deleted the first day, and the second, and stopped on the third, my finger hovering over the delete confirmation.

Did I want to delete this? It would let me see what had happened. I’d know once and for all. Could I let this chance slide by me?

Fuck. I hit play.

I bled her the second the locks clicked behind her.  Watched her scent register, saw how I tried to fix the hurt I’d caused her. She didn’t seem to worried at the fact that I was licking her throat. She probably didn’t know that lifting her throat to me like that had probably saved her life.  I mean, sure. I like to tell myself that I would recognize and want to protect Marie wherever I saw her, but the cold truth of the matter was that I hadn’t.  When she first came in I’d reacted as though she were an enemy.  Lifting her throat screamed submission to whatever feral instinct I had.  The sick feeling returned to my stomach. I watched her warn the others off. I watched as I calmed at her touch, how I took her over to the mattress, my stomach tightening with worry.

That at least wasn’t too bad. She seemed relaxed, and Jesus knows that I was when she petted me like that.  I allowed myself a few seconds to relax, watching her as she leaned into my body, rubbing her head against my chest. The camera angle showed the way she looked up at the ceiling, sliding her fingers through my hair, thoughts focused inward. A very dark, deep part of me didnot like that she wasn’t ‘with’ me completely.  I tried to tramp that part down. I don’t know what happened. One second I was tangled with her like we were packmates and the next I was growling low in my throat, sniffing her, nuzzling at her breasts.  She moaned a little and I winced as I watched myself roll her on her stomach. The camera still had her face and I swore under my breath as I watched the stunned surprise on her features. 

This was the girl who hadn’t been touched since she was a kid. Of course she was sensitive, and my rough hands were all but mauling her, pressing into her skin, rubbing my scent all over her.  I felt my cock start to harden as I watched.  My hands moved and she was moaning, face sweaty and flushed.  I watched, more and more horrified as my feral self stripped her, touched her, made her want me. I took her from behind like an animal, like some beast focused on marking its mate for his own.

I watched as I hurt her. As she winced in pain. As regrets stole across her face before I reminded her body that sex felt good.  I watched Marie’s beautiful face as she came, watched myself bite her on the back of the neck, sucking my mark into her skin. Tried to ignore that my dick liked me watching this.

Watched as she woke up and all but ran out of there, sickened and horrified.

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