Uninvited
SacredMacha
notmysight at aol.com
PG-13?
Summary - sometimes you just want to keep something there, even as you hold it away.
Genre - songfic
category - AU?
Disclaimer - I own nothing but my whiskey and my twisted thoughts. I wish I could own the characters, or the Alanis Morisette song. No luck.
I won't lie. I was flattered by the intensity of his attention, fostered the way he focused on me with flirting. Fluttering lashes and a fall of hair just so across my face. Slow smiles and sweet, honey drawled words kept him on my trail like a wolf after a lamb. I might not be a slim, redheaded doctor, but I knew how to keep a man's attention, especially when I have a bit of that man locked up inside my head. The right perfume, a certain shade of lipstick, the long, satiny gloves he liked best, that he fantasized over. I'm a hot blooded woman, whether or not my skin could cool any ardor that ever flared up into flames. I knew he wanted me, and I wanted to keep that longing intact, make it last.
Truth was, at the first, I just wanted something, a hero, to crave. Something so close, so tantalizing, I wanted to reach out and touch it, stroke fingers over the surface, lick to taste, press myself into it until it gave and surrounded me in comfort and warmth. Some legend to wrap myself in, a Lancelot to long after me like I was Guinevere and never to be touched, to be dirtied at his hands. Logan came and gave that to me... in spades.
At first, I knew he liked watching the ever stoic Scott squirm, wanting to speak up, but knowing I was no naive child. Besides, he was secretly relieved to see Logan watching me that way, rather than the woman that was going to be his wife. Logan liked watching people hem and haw, and twist their hands, watching him shepard me, or so he thought. I enjoyed sheparding the shepard, so subtly he didn't realize his direction was being sidestepped.
But every night, it came down to Logan seeing me to my door. Moment of awkward silence, before I would glance up, move to the door and open it. A look over my shoulder as it swung shut behind me, more than a barrier of wood and hardware. He was uninvited, not allowed to travel past that door with me, to find out just why my scent deepened in the dark of night, or hear me muffle my cries into the feathers of my pillows.
I knew I fascinated him, a puzzle that lacked a piece. He was determined to figure me out, to solve the mystery of the Marie that lay under the Roguish exterior. As though finding and placing that last escaping bit into that empty spot would make it all clear to him. That it would unlock my door and let him in. Let him into me, inside more than just my head or my heart. Logan wanted my soul, he wanted to map out every inch of uncharted territory that was who I am. Who I was, and also who I would become.
Going along with him to the dives he frequented, gloves and scarves plied and played, dancing with sensual abandon, dark eyes watching the way hazel ones would meet them, narrowing with the gaze of a hunter on the trail of prey. Falling into sassy smiles and southern drawl, making him watch me flirt, tease, and dance close to men who would never know what it was to be killed by a woman who touched them with love. Letting him get all riled up, then making him take me home, treating him as chastely as a best friend, a big brother. Pat of satin clad hand on his cheek, graze of a kiss to quick to be dangerous against stubbled chin, before I would walk through the door to my bedroom. Another glance over a shoulder, before the door swung closed, shutting us apart.
Shutting me off from giving into what I knew I could never have and keep, not the way I wanted to. Shutting him away from me, only making him want more of what he couldn't have, to trespass where no invitation had ever been extended. I kept telling myself he only wanted what he couldn't in good sense have, he wanted to claim someone that had never been claimed before.
Then his tactics changed. Watching the television, some nature show on penguins, as Jubilee sighed about how sweet it was some animals mate for life. I felt the weight of his gaze on me, turning my head, watching him through the translucence of white strands. Feeling my heart speed up, heat building in my face as he dragged that cigar out of his mouth.
" Way it should be, when you find the one person that makes everything worth it. The one that makes it worth giving up anyone else that could ever cross your path. The one that makes you want to fly higher, to fight harder, to be the ultimate of all your parts. To be your anam cara. " A flair given to those last words. A veritable speech for the usually more taciturn Wolverine. Jubille and Kitty both just sighed, eyes all wide and just drowning in the romance our god of hotness in denim had just spoken. I stared at him a moment, knowing I had heard the words before. Standing abruptly, I fled the room, before I heard booted feet strolling the opposite way. A reprieve of sorts, I thought.
I couldn't take it, couldn't have him imagining what loving me, letting me love him would be like. Hating to hear him talk as if he knew what my love would be like. He couldn't know, because I didn't know. How did a girl with a literally killer body know those sorts of things about herself? How could he say those things, knowing how badly I wanted to give him, to let him fit those puzzle pieces together and have all of me for himself? I was just so afraid that giving in, would be giving him up. That I would lose his intense interest by extending that invitation he was waiting silently for.
Google is a marvelous tool and in no time at all, I found that, in loose terms, at least, anam cara meant soul mate.Mystery solved, I heard a knock at the door, moving in a flurry to jerk it open. Expecting Jubilee to be there, all buzzing on sugar and busy with a million questions on why I had run off. Chin jerked up instead, eyes meeting hazel eyes, the eyes of a hunter.. full of hunger and watching his prey threaten to get away. I could feel heat surging up into my face again, a jerk of breathing before it was smooth and flowing fast from my lungs again.
His hand slid out, a small box there, dark velvet and squared. Eyes stared, then jerked up again, aghast. He couldn't mean it. Box pressed into my hand, barest thrill of skin against skin, his rougher, scented by his cigar, against my softer, vanilla lotioned hand. eyes never leaving my face, even as I dared open that box, peering into it with a mix of fear, hope, and desire so big it hurt.
"I know some people might not think I'm good enough for ya. Worthy of you. I had always hoped you thought different. " Rough toned words, edged with barbs to hide the hurt beneath. He had thought my running was more denial, and not running before I capitulated. I stared at the treasure in that box, emerald glinting in a setting of white gold, small and set low enough I could wear it under my gloves if I wanted. I finally made myself look up at him, throat aching with so much unsaid.
" Ah don't think you unworthy... Ah need a moment ..this should be somethin' ya think out and deliberate over..." Arms crossed over his chest as he just watched me, patiently and impatirnly all at once.
"So think about it, would you? I'm not gettin' any younger, Marie. " Making me laugh, because while the years since we met had sculpted me into the womanly shape he wanted so, it had only seemed to pass him by.
My deliberation maybe lasted thirty seconds, before I set the box down on the table by the door. A deep breath, before I tilted my head, watching him from under lashes as I took a step back. Uninvited no more, but I wouldn't risk any misunderstanding. " You gonna come in then?"
The door swung shut, that sound no longer one of division, instead it closed off the sounds of unification.
"Uninvited"
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I like my music. A lot.