Logan’s Past 15
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It’s so very quiet in the mansion. Hard to believe that almost two hundred people live here, between the students, faculty and mansion staff. It’s not like I’ve never thought of it before, but tonight the quiet is almost deafening. It’s pushing one in the morning and I simply cannot sleep. I’ve lain in bed, thinking, reading, tossing, turning, remembering; and still I can’t come up with any answers to Logan’s response, or re-action, or whatever the hell it was, or wasn’t. Even my inner Logan is unusually quiet. I only just realized tonight, after Logan just up and walked out of my room, that Inner Logan has been very quiet since this whole thing began. I don’t know why it didn’t hit me before this. You’d think with all the stuff I found and copied, and read and reviewed he’d have something to say. But, no. And how ironic is it that it’s actually driving me nuts to have it so quiet in my head?! Yeah, that’s a bad joke, for sure.
All these scattered, completely disconnected thoughts are traipsing through my head as my body traipses around the mansion. Too much quiet in my bedroom and now too much quiet in the halls of the mansion and I’m finding myself ever closer to just trotting on down to Logan’s room and demanding some kind of answers.
But maybe before I make the definite decision on the hari-kari, I’ll just pop over to the kitchen. I just know there’s a half gallon of some flavor that’s calling my name, I’m just too far away at the moment to hear clearly which one it is!
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~*YAWN!* Dammit! I never knew that sleeping without nightmares could be just as shitty as sleeping with nightmares! Man, I need a cup o’coffee, bad!
What the hell is that smell?? Holy shit, is that bad! Did somebody leave the milk out or somethin’? Talk about ripe! Wait a sec, it’s not comin’ from the kitchen…what the hell? It’s coming from the rec room?!?
Aw, shit! Marie must’ve had just as shitty a night as I had. Looks like she fell asleep in here with a bucket of ice cream in her lap. How the hell is she still sleepin’ with that gawdawful stench? She must be really out of it. Let’s see if I can get this thing away from her and into a friggin’ trash bin.~
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~Ok, mission accomplished. Ice cream gone? Check. Marie undisturbed? Check. Rec room secured? Check. Cup of coffee the size of Long Island? Check. Now, let’s go see what the world’s strongest psychic can tell me about memory blocks…..
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~/~Come in, Logan.~/~
“Chuck, what have I told ya about stayin’ outta my head?!?”
“I apologize, Logan, you know it is simply habit that I keep a psychic finger on all the inhabitants of the mansion. I am especially sensitive to the area around my office, it is merely reflex to invite someone in when I am aware of their intent to see me.”
“Yeah, well, habit, reflex or whatever, could ya maybe just try and remember to just use the old voice box when it’s me? It’d…well, it’d just be nice, is all. You know how I feel about my head gettin’ messed with.”
“Of course, Logan, I will give it my utmost effort. Now, what brings you to my office so early on such a beautiful morning as this? Please, sit down.”
“Well, uh, it a,…seems that, uh, ….hmmm…”
“Logan, I know we *just* discussed your preference for having no psychic intrusion, but could I offer to take a look at whatever it is you seem to be having such trouble getting out?”
“NO! Uh, I mean, no,…no thank you,…I’ll uh, I’ll just lay it out there…..uh…. Well, it’s like this, um, Ah, Rogue seems to have done some digging around and, uh, well,… she’ssortacomeupwithsomeinfoonmypast.” ~Oh, yeah, that sounded really intelligent there, Logan, why not try and talk like ya got some brains next time!~
“I’m sorry, Logan, I didn’t seem to catch the last part of that, you said Rogue has done some kind of ‘digging’? Is this something that Ororo is going to be upset by? You know how she is about her gardens?!” ~I’m truly sorry, my friend, to torture you so, but better my torturing you by feigning ignorance; than you taking your anger out on Rogue or myself for her having confided in me!~
“No, no, this has nothing to do with ‘Ro. What I said was, Rogue did some research, beginning with something I found when I was out on that last lead you gave me. She seems to have found some of my past.”
There is a short moment of suitable quiet while Charles ponders this information that he’s ‘just’ been told.
“I see. Under normal circumstances I would believe this to be wonderful news, however, your tone of voice and body language tell me that you are not as thrilled as most would expect. What is it that’s troubling you about this? The information Rogue has uncovered, is it not positive?”
“Oh, it’s positive. Yeah, real, real positive. Seems she’s been able to find the ‘me’ that I was long before the hardware or the military.”
“Alright, this sounds quite promising, I’m still not understanding the reason why your reaction is not more gregarious.”
“Huh? Greg who?”
[chuckle] “Apologies, Logan. ‘Gregarious’ is not a who, but a what. Specifically an adjective, describing an action or reaction. In this case, meaning outgoing. I’m wondering why your reaction to the information Rogue has discovered isn’t more outwardly pleasant.”
Logan sits and stares at Charles, it appears that a response is not forthcoming,
[sigh] “Logan, Why. Aren’t. You. More. Happy. About this?” ~Certainly can’t make it any more plain than that.~
“Oh, well, I’d be a crap pot more happy about this stuff if I could remember any of it!” [frustrated sigh] “Rogue has all this information, pictures, papers, copies of deeds, and not one bit of it ringin’ any bells! Chuck, uh, I mean, ah, Charles…”
This change in attitude is immediately noticed by the psychic.
“… can you tell me why I can’t remember any of this, even when it’s right in front of my damn eyes??”
Charles leans back in his chair, elbows on the chair arms, fingers steepled as he thinks about what is being asked of him. Several minutes pass until finally, Charles drops his hands to his desk once more and leans in toward the colleague and friend that sits across from him.
“Logan, I could give you many reasons and possible diagnoses for any one of a number of scenarios that lead to memory dysfunction. Things from something as simple as a knock on the head to a traumatic experience that the brain sees as a threat to the actual survival of the mind, or body, or both, and so it wipes the memory from every and any route of connection to the conscious mind. Any of them, several of them, or none of them could be the reason why you are not making a conscious connection with what Rogue has found…”
“I feel a really big ‘but’ comin’ up, and it ain’t gonna be Scooter’s, is it?”
~I’ll choose to ignore that comment~ “yes…*but*, if you want to know the reason why your memories are still unobtainable, I’m afraid the only way to find that out is for m-…..”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I figured it’d be that. The only way to find out the real reason my head is like Swiss cheese is ta let you or Jeannie, or knowin’ my luck, the both of ya, take a walk through my head and see what there really is ta see. I’m right aren’t I?”
Charles leans back once again in his chair, a relaxed posture. “Yes, my friend, I am afraid you are most correct. The mind is a most efficient but very intricate piece of biological machinery. Even the most advanced computers that man has managed to build, pale in comparison to all that the human brain is capable of. It would be like comparing a kindergartner’s crayon scribblings with the Mona Lisa. It has not even been officially investigated whether there is a difference between the ‘brain’ and the mind’. Whatever the cause of your memory blocks is specific unto you. Just as there is no one else in the world with your fingerprints, there can be no one else in the world with your exact mental processes.”
Logan takes in all that the Professor has said, it doesn’t take a telepath to know it is a very big and difficult decision for a man such as the Wolverine.
“Logan, before you decide about this, before thinking if this is something you even want to consider, think about this; you have something of your past. It’s more than you had a week ago. Is it possible it could it be enough? I can’t say that your blocks might not fall of their own accord. You may not even need me to help. But even if they stay in place, for whatever reason; is that such a terrible thing? This is a decision only you can make, my friend. Think on it long and hard, it’s like the word that is spoken in anger, once it’s out, you can’t take it back.”
Logan nods in agreement, “Thanks, Chuck, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll get back with ya one way or another, ok?”
“That would be fine Logan, please, take your time, you know my office door is always open to you.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
~…~ thoughts to ones self
~/~ …~/~ thoughts between people
~/~ …~/~ thoughts between people
And if you can't tell, the 'Ice Cream Series' has seeped into my subconscious!!