----------Chapter 8--------------


I am about to lose what is left of my mind. That’s the only option left to me now, I know it. I say this because; I do not believe in alternate realities, alternate universes, quantum mechanics, time travel or any of those other things that make such entertaining plot devices for bad B-grade movies!!

I suppose I should explain the reason why I have decided that I’m simply going insane.

Well, it’s really very simple, you remember the other night, when that really weird dream woke me up and I headed down for some “think better” ice cream? Yeah, then I started in with the list of things that were slightly, uncomfortably, similar to my present circumstances, in my here and now, right? Right, so, said list then sent me off on yet another hunt for information.

Yeah, well, I went on that hunt with the hard core opinion that I wasn’t going to find jack squat. Taking into consideration the above referenced list of stuff I simply don’t believe in, I had no faith in the outlandishly ridiculous idea that I’d find anything about a ‘Marie LeRouge’ that attended the Lake Brantley School and graduated from it in 1912.

Uh-huh, well that’s pretty much where the theme music from the Twilght Zone started to play. I went back to that genealogy site, the one where I found Edward Logan’s parents, and I put the same stuff in the search engine that I did when I first found Edward. I punched in her name, the school, the town (since I knew this was correct from finding Edward), the graduating year, and the several options for year of birth.

And wouldn’tcha know? The first damn year of birth I guessed at?? Gave me the same damn thing as I got for Edward!! Heaven help me and Storm strike me down, I am not kidding!! Jean Marie LeRouge, born July 21, 1895, in Meridian Mississippi (just barely over the border from Brantchville, Alabama!!), attending Lake Brantley and graduating in 1912.

Now, let’s just break this down, shall we? First of all, ignore the fact this person even exists, ok? Just ignore that this individual, who, up until a whole five seconds ago I believed was just a figment of my imaginary dream world, REALLY EXISTS!! Ok, technicality; she existed……But forgetting that……Jean Marie LeRouge……Aside from how creepily weird it is to see Jean’s name so closely associated to mine; how freakin’weird is this last name?? ‘LeRouge’?? C’mon!! L-E-R-O-U-G-E? And what’s my code name?? Rogue!! R-O-G-U-E!!!!

But hey, it’s cool, I’m not hyperventilating, I’m maintaining, just move along.

Ok, moving along……what about this place of birth, hmmmm? Meridian, Mississippi??? AAAAGGHH!!

THAT’S IT!! I am now utterly and completely FREAKED! Freaked! As in, get the smelling salts, grab a paper bag, holler for a crash cart; because this chick is about to go totally ballistic, and there’s no way to stave it off!!

Ok, well it obviously was held off because I’m sitting here talking to you, aren’t I? Yeah, well, let’s not go into any more details and just suffice it to say that I found plenty of evidence to prove the existence of one Marie LeRouge. Thankfully, for my sanity, I also didn’t find any information on Marie’s ancestors OR descendents. Let’s face it, the last thing I need is to find a complete family tree that leads straight to yours truly, here. My brain simply could not handle that sort of shock. I don’t even think the Professor could dig in deep enough to get me outta that!!


So, here I sit, once again, in my room, surrounded by assorted paperwork pertaining now, not only to Logan’s past, but by all appearances, to my own as well. And that’s what I’m trying to wrap my little pea brain around this minute; is this Marie someone from my past? Is she some far flung ancestral relation? Is she ME, for gawd’s sake?? Am I some reincarnation of her? Is my Logan, her Logan??

Well, I suppose we’ve already come to a conclusion on that question. As soon as I saw that yearbook picture I had my answer there, didn’t I? And that was only further acknowledged by Professor Xavier.

Speaking of the Professor, I feel a strange calm settling over me. I’m thinking about what all he said when I went to ask him if I had organized this stuff on Edward Logan simply enough. He’d said that it was his belief that whoever or whatever was “in charge” couldn’t fault someone for thinking with their heart.

That’s a pretty powerful sounding phrase there; ‘thinking with your heart’.

Since I’ve practically dissected every other part of this dang dream, let’s just go for broke here. Edward Logan had a very close and long standing relationship with Marie LeRouge. He really wanted to make something more out of, but held back on his desires because he wanted her to be happy. And if becoming a teacher is what made her happy, then so be it. He only came clean with what he wanted after she/I called him on it. Strange, how I seemed to know him so well then, kinda like I do now, heh. He can’t get away with trying to put one over on me now or then! So, it wouldn’t be too far off to say that Edward was thinking with his heart when he decided to let Marie/me go after her/my wish to become a teacher.

Would it be too far flung to say that I’m thinking with my heart when I think about telling him what I’ve found? Heck, wasn’t I thinking with my heart when I first decided to go hunting for this stuff? What could I personally get out of telling Logan about what I’ve found?

Well, I do suppose if it were to bring Logan back to the mansion and get him to stay, that might be considered just a little selfish, couldn’t it? But, jeez! What woman doesn’t want to have the man they love near to them?? I mean, I don’t want to sound full of myself, but, if I haven’t been following my heart since that night in Laughlin City I sure as hell don’t know what I’ve been doing.

Ok, once again, just the facts……
First - I love him, simple as that, “The Big ‘L’”. NOT some stupid little girl hero worship crush!!
Second - I’d do anything for him, he knows that. Does he know the definition of “anything”, I doubt it, but I also doubt if he’s ready to hear it anyway.
Third - I want only the best for him; and I suppose, even though it would absolutely KILL ME, I have to admit that if Jean is the best for him then there’s nothing I can do to change that. I may not like it, I may hate admitting it, but it’s those damn “Fates”, “gods”, or the universe at work there and I can’t change ‘them’!! And if it’s in “their” plans that by giving Logan this info, he stays and he and Jean end up together, I guess I’ll just have to deal with that bridge if it gets built.

So, uh, anyhow, where was I?? Oh yeah, just the facts; I love him, I’d do anything for him, I only want the best for him. How it could be that handing him some kind of key to his past couldn’t be the best for him, I don’t know.

Besides, if the “Fates”, the “gods”, or the blasted universe didn’t have a hand in that dream, then where the hell did it come from???

So, after six quarts of assorted ice cream, half a bottle of migraine strength aspirin, and four days of talking to myself; I guess I’m right back where I was: waiting for Logan to get his cute ass back here so I can try and find out exactly what he wants to find out and hopefully let that guide me in deciding what, if anything, to tell him.

Great! Now all I have to do is just sit back and wait for the unmistakable sound of a stolen motorcycle!

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