It didn't take me very long to find her once I was on the right train.
Not only did I immediately pick up the scent that had forever etched itself into my sensual memory the very first time we met, but I also spotted the top of her dark green hooded cloak peeking over the back of her seat.

My steps slowed down as I approached her from behind, coming to a halt as soon as I could see her. With only half-opened eyes, she was staring down onto her gloved hands that lay in her lap.

“Hey, kid,” I greeted her.

With a small tremor rocking through her fragile body, she looked up at me, seeming a little startled...scared, even? I wasn't sure whether she wanted my company, but I had to talk to her, I had to make things right. Bring her home.

Hesitantly, I slid into the free seat next to hers and let out a quiet sigh that was the expression of my insecurity.
Turning my head to look at her, I saw sadness and deep worry darken her innocent features.
Though I was certain she had heard me, she didn't reply or acknowledge my presence.

We were wrapped in a somewhat awkward silence while I attempted to find the right words inside my head. But what do you say to a girl you stabbed, almost killed and who then ran away from the only shelter she has in this world because of you?

“I'm sorry about last night,” I finally told her, sincerely hoping she felt what I was trying to put into my words. They were a only a weak echo of all the things I wanted to say to her and couldn't; the things I wanted to do to make her feel better but didn't know how to.

“Me, too,” she replied quietly.

I blinked a couple of times, brows furrowed, thinking. For a moment I was at a loss about what she had to apologize for, but then I remembered that she hadn't been much farther away from taking my life than I had been from ending hers. It seemed so trivial, so small, in comparison.

“You running again?” I asked her.

I should be the one running away from the mess I created, not her. The weight of the world shouldn't be on the shoulders of a little girl.

She turned away from me again and took a breath to steady herself, before she muttered, “I heard the professor was mad at me.”

I wasn't sure if that was the real reason or if she was simply trying to make me feel less guilty by pretending that she hadn't in fact left because she was scared of me. It was the last thing I ever wanted, for her to have to be afraid of me.

Either way, the explanation she had given me wasn't the most durable. Xavier was far away from being mad at her; he was very concerned about her wellbeing.

“Who told you that?,” I inquired, because she certainly hadn't come up with that idea on her own.

“A boy at school,” she said vaguely and turned to look at me again. “You think I should go back.”

“I think you should follow your instincts,” I quickly threw in.
I didn't want her to think that I was participating in one of their little missions to recruit new students or whatever it was they did. I was here for her, because I wanted her to be safe. If she didn't want to go back to the school, I wouldn't make her.

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and swallowed before returning my questioning look.

“The first boy I ever kissed ended up in a coma for 3 weeks.”

The emotion in her voice and the intensity of her words touched me in ways I had never known existed.
It must have been a traumatic experience that she had spent her time recovering from while she had been running away from her old life.
Empathy wasn't usually one of my strengths but we were too much alike for me to not feel with her. Two of a kind: loners, always on the run, always ready to leave everything behind when anything or anyone got too close or when things went wrong.

“I can still feel him inside my head, and it's the same with you,” she whispered and I had to turn away. Nobody deserved to have me inside their head, least of all the kid. I couldn't decide what was worse, stabbing her or my mind haunting her every waking minute.

Two little tears silently rolled down her pale cheeks while she was making her best efforts to keep herself together.
I had no idea what I could do and rested immobile for an uncomfortable moment before I chose to comply to my instinct and awkwardly wrapped one arm around her small, trembling shoulders while she silently whimpered.

I pulled her closer, offering her my shoulder to lean and cry upon; it was all I could give her right now. Taking one more deep breath, she snuggled closer to me and I protectively placed my hand on top of the thick fabric of her hood.

“There's not many people that'll understand what you're going through...but I think this guy Xavier's one of them. He seems to genuinely wanna help you. And that's a rare thing...”

I attempted to look at her to be able to read her reaction to my words and find out what she was thinking, but I couldn't see much of her face.

“...for people like us.”

Her breath hitched and she froze, ever so slowly raising her head to be able to look at me. Her beautiful, half-closed hazel eyes were still wet with tears and I spotted something in them that made me shiver.
Unintentionally, I dropped my gaze to her full lips that were trembling slightly.

I knew that look and even though she was much too young and inexperienced to use it consciously, it made me shiver. The air between us was thick with expectations and tension.

It was time for the train to start and the red leather seats beneath us to rock a little, giving us an opportunity to awkwardly disentangle; for her to back into the corner, putting a distance between us and for me to ask her to give that geek squad at the school another chance.
But the train didn't start.
And I wanted to help her so desperately that it was tearing my insides apart.

Her first kiss had put a boy in a coma, wasn't that what she had said?
There was nothing I wanted more than to make her forget about all that, to show her that it wasn't her fault that she had hurt him and that all of this didn't mean she couldn't have a beautiful life full of love.

It was wrong, it was so wrong and it would only make everything worse to act on my instinct now, but it was the only thing I knew how to do.

Inhaling her sweet vanilla scent and letting the innocence and purity she radiated cloud my mind, I bent my head and brought my face closer to hers until our lips were merely an inch apart.

She didn't show any indication of fear when I reached for her with my free hand to intertwine our fingers and then gently pressed my lips to hers.

For a brief moment, it was heaven. She was soft and warm and tasted like cherries, and there was nothing in this world that could have been better than sitting in an old train with Marie, holding her hand and kissing her lips while the whole world was going to hell.

I had been prepared for her mutation to kick in and was by now familiar with the pull that channeled my powers into her body.
Despite that, the force with which it took its effect had me gasping and my fingers clenching into the thick fabric of her cloak. The waves rippled through my body like an electric shock, increasing in strength and frequency.

While her gloved fingers squeezed mine tightly, I felt her try to break away from the kiss, no wanting to hurt me.
But I knew my limits and we hadn't reached them, so there was no need to end this blissful union any sooner than we had to.

With one last soft and slow brush of my lips against hers, I tried to send her the few good and pure things that I was capable of feeling along with my abilities. She had to know that I cared about her; that I was doing everything in my power to make her happy again.

We both gasped in a mix of pain and pleasure when I pulled away, struggling to remain conscious. Her thumb, that was drawing small, soothing circles on my knuckles, was my link to the real world. I held on to the gentle caress as I slowly felt the pain subside and clarity return to my head.

“Are you okay?” she asked shyly, her Bambi eyes wide in worry and wonder.

I nodded and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. The world was still spinning around me and every breath burnt me up inside, but I was determined to be strong for her.

“You ready to get outta here?”

“Mhm-hm.”

I picked up her duffel bag from between her feet and we both rose and stepped out in the aisle, never letting go of each other's hands.

“Are you taking me back to the school, Logan?” she asked after we had descended from the train and the relief to finally have her back on solid ground had lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

“You don't want to go back,” I stated.

“I'm not ready,” she whispered. “I can't go back right away and have the other kids look at me like I'm some kind of freak...even though I am.”

The tears that had just sieged were pooling in her eyes once more. How could I make her see the truth; that she wasn't a freak – or anything but just plain wonderful?

“Listen, kid. You're not a freak and none of this was your fault, okay? And if you want to let some time pass before you go back to school, then that's what we'll do.”

“We...?” she asked insecurely, slowing down a little and looking up at me from the corner of her eye while we were making our way towards the exit of the train station.

“Come on, I'll take care of you,” I told her earnestly, placing one hand on the small of her back to gently nudge her forward.

“You promise?”

There was still a hint of insecurity in her eyes, a flicker of fear that she tried her best to hide. She needed a constant in her life and some stability; none of which I was sure I could offer her.
Right now, all I could give her was my reassurance and my promise. Making her believe in it was a whole other story.

“Yeah. Yeah, I promise.“

„Logan!“

Storm's voice awakened me from the dream that I was currently living in.
For a few minutes I had allowed myself to believe in the illusion that Logan and I would go away together, just the two of us.

He had promised me to take care of me and stay with me as long as I needed to.

I had imagined that he would take me somewhere remote and let me hide away from the world until I was ready to go back to school and face the others.
That I would have time to finally come to terms with my mutation...he would help me learn how to live with it and not feel like some sort of walking genetic mistake – I never felt like that around him.

And the kiss...the kiss...I didn't even allow myself to think about that wonderful kiss that I resolved to call my first kiss from now on, because it had been infinitely more intense than the "real" one and would always be one of the more pleasant moments of my life to remember.

“You found her!”

Scott and Storm arrived at our sides before we could make it out the door. Yes, it was definitely time to return to reality.

With a quiet growl, Logan came to a halt and pulled me into his side, his arm wrapped securely around my waist. His touch in combination with his presence in my mind pushed my worries aside and gave me a comforting feeling of safety that I couldn't quite define.

Storm reached out to place her hand on my shoulder but I cringed away from the prospect of being touched, so she simply gave me a reassuring smile.

“I'm glad Logan found you before you left town. The Mansion can be your home, if you want to. And you don't need to run away from it, no matter what.”

I remained silent, sneaking my fingers up Logan's back and holding on to the rough leather of his jacket, my touch hidden from Scott and Storm's view.

“Is everyone ready to go back?” Scott asked a little impatiently. “Magneto's people are all over the place and I'd like to get out of here before this turns into a fight.”

“I'm not going back,” I whispered, locking eyes with Storm.

“What do you mean, you're – ? It's dangerous out there if you're on your own; and especially now,” Scott warned me in a concerned tone. “I would really prefer it if you came back with us.”

“She won't be on her own,” Logan interjected.

“Excuse me?”

“I'll be with her. I'll make sure she's safe.”

I ignored the verbal attack that Scott launched on Logan and stayed focused on Storm.

“Is that what you want?” she asked, seeming very worried as well.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded, giving her my most determined look. My mind was made up and nobody was going to change that.

“Just remember that you can always return.”

“I know. And I will,” I assured her. “I just need some time...”

Secretly hoping that some other scandal would occupy everybody's minds sooner or later, I convinced myself that I was telling her the truth. I would come back. Just no now, when everyone would be asking questions and whispering behind my back.

Storm nodded and placed a calming hand on Scott's arm, who was nowhere near finished with his little tirade.

“– you're the most irresponsible and self-absorbed person that could possibly – ”

“It's fine, let them go,” Storm cut him off.

“Let them go?” he repeated angrily, shaking her hand off.
“It's what she wants,” Storm said softly.

“We can't let her go away with him!” Scott yelled with a desperate edge to his voice as he realized he was losing this fight.

“Get the stick outta your ass and let the girl make a decision, One-Eye,” Logan said, giving him the best threatening look he could muster up.

“Do not call me – would you stop that Storm? He doesn't have the right to – “

Storm pushed a protesting Scott forward with gentle strength, shooting Logan a warning glance before disappearing into the crowd.

Logan let out a relieved breath and I could feel his tense body relax against mine.

“So, I guess they won't be causing any more trouble,” he stated as we – finally – made our way out the front doors of the train station.

“It's not like they're my parents or anything – not that they cared much when I left.”

I hadn't meant to sound like I was pitying myself, but it was getting increasingly harder not to. Maybe I just wasn't meant to live a life that included a lot of social interaction, and my skin was just destiny's way to make sure I stayed an outcast. Which was a bit of a ridiculous theory, I had to admit, but it suited my bitter mood.

He produced an angry snort and swung by bag over his shoulder.

“They should've.”

I flashed Logan a grateful smile. A couple of gruff words in an awkward attempt to tell me he cared and his tightening arm around my waist made me feel much better than Scott's or the Professor's efforts would ever be able to.

“Where are we gonna go?” I asked him, deliberately changing the subject.

“I don't know,” he replied with furrowed brows. “We should probably find some motel or something. I've been homeless ever since that frizzy-haired pansy ass made my trailer bow up...”

“So, basically, all we've got is...”

I left my statement hanging in the air as we reached the parking lot and Logan nodded towards the motorcycle.

“Yep. We got Scott's bike.”

“It's a start, I guess.” I shrugged, intently watching Logan, who had released me from his embrace to stuff my bag into the tiny trunk of the motorbike.

“And I have enough money to last for a few days. You don't have to worry,” he promised when he saw concern briefly cross my face.

He reached out for my hand and took it in both of his, which instantly spread an intense feeling of soothing warmth and safety that I still couldn't explain to myself.

I allowed my mind to wander for a moment to explore the possibilities this arrangement held. The strange connection I felt to Logan and had previously considered a silly crush seemed to have turned into something stronger and from what I had picked up from his thoughts, he deeply cared about me as well, even though I still wasn't entirely sure in which way.

The kiss on the train had been a good indication regarding that subject matter, but I was afraid to let myself believe in something that might turn out to be as one-sided as I feared in the end. It was probably better to wait for what the next few days would bring...

“Hop on.”

Logan's voice interrupted my thoughts and I realized he was waiting for me to climb onto the motorcycle.

“Uhm...” I hesitantly swung my leg over its back and felt a couple of strong hands grasp my shoulders to steady me as I pulled myself up into an upright position.

“You gonna be okay on there?” he asked, lightly rubbing my back to comfort me.

Nodding, I made a brave face, but instantly wrapped my arms around Logan and clenched my fingers into his jacket when he took his place in front of me.

Even though I didn't necessarily consider myself afraid of the ride, I still felt a little tingle of nervousness; simply because I had never been on a motorcycle before. My dad had always told the most terrible stories about them and forbidden me to ever accept a ride on one. Good thing he would never know.

Logan covered my left hand with his, lacing his fingers through mine and gently squeezing it.

“I'll drive safe,” he said, giving me a reassuring look over the shoulder. I nodded and hid my face against his back as the engine started purring and we rolled off onto the street.


~x~


The bike ride hadn't been as bad as expected. Actually it had been quite...fun. We had stopped a couple of times to fill up on gas and grab something to eat, but had spent most of the day on the road.

The exhilarating mix of fear and joy still in my bones, I let Logan help me descend from the motorcycle and lead me through the front door of a small motel on wobbly knees.

It sure wasn't the Hilton, but it wasn't one of those shabby places I usually stayed when on a tight budget, either.

Logan kept his arm loosely around my waist while he booked us a room for one night with breakfast, paying in advance. Slightly amused, I watched him try his best to be friendly to the old lady behind the reception counter, who seemed mildly intimidated by him.

Our room turned out to be small but cozy and I immediately let my body collapse onto the broad double bed, closing my eyes for just a second. I hadn't realized just how exhausted I was until now.

“Logan?” I muttered.

“Yeah?”

I gathered all the strength at my disposal to sit up on the bed and hold back a yawn, looking up to meet his eyes.

“Thank you.”

Marie was curled up in my arms under the heavy covers of the hotel bed while we were watching an old black-and-white movie on TV to provide some background noise.

We hadn't broken physical contact for longer than a few seconds ever since I had found her on the train. It was strange, because neither of us could be certain what this new connection between us meant, but what we both did know was that we needed it.

From the moment we had met, there had been some kind of mental connection that I had done my best to deny. But our bond was stronger than my stubbornness and it had soon gotten the better of me, making me check on her and ask the others how she was, where she was...it had become difficult to concentrate on anything but her; even on myself.

After the initial shock of having stabbed Marie and the following coma and pain had subsided, I realized that she must be feeling the same thing. We hadn't known each other for a very long time and she just walked right into my bedroom in the middle of the night because she had apparently noticed that I was having a nightmare.

And whatever new level it was that I had taken things to when I had kissed her on the train seemed to include us being glued to one another, our bodies melting into one and our hearts reaching out to each other to establish a synchronized rhythm.

“Logan...” she drawled sleepily, lifting her head to look at me.
“I know I'm probably repeating myself, but...that was a really nice thing you did. To come looking for me and all.”

I stroked her hair and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. She shifted positions in my arms and I spotted a small smile on her face.

“That was nice, too.”

Her eyes asked a silent question and she shyly caressed my cheek with her thumb, the smooth satin of her glove softly running over my skin.

I knew that this was the moment to tell her that I had made a mistake when I had kissed her on the train; the perfect opportunity to burst the bubble that we had both resorted to living in. I also knew that as beautiful as this thing between us might seem to her, she was supposed to find herself a nice boy her age who was a little more mentally stable than me.

But when she hesitantly raised her chin, bringing her face closer to mine and her lips parted just the slightest bit, I realized that I would never tell her any of that.

By the time my lips made contact with hers, cautiously brushing against them and pulling away again before the tickling sensation her mutation caused turned into an unpleasant pull, I knew that it didn't matter whether we lived inside a big bubble.
Or whether this thing between us was unsustainable in the real world and couldn't be justified to the Professor and the rest of the goody-goodies at the Mansion.
They might have the best intentions for her, but ultimately it was still up to Marie to decide where she went and what she wanted.

She held my face in both hands while we locked eyes and it felt more intimate than even a kiss, because I knew it didn't just feel like she was looking right into my soul; she really was.
My every thought and feeling was hers as well. She knew me, all of me, and she was still here. That meant the world to me.

As I slowly ran my hands up and down her back, I could feel the warmth of her body through the thin fabric of her nightgown. With a little concentration, I could not only hear her heartbeat but also feel its soft vibrations in my fingertips.

Our lips were separated by only a small space of air, our bodies and minds caught in a floating state between dream and reality. Her sweet scent clouded my senses more and more with every breath I took and soon, details like place and time lost significance.

There was only her.





The sight of Marie's serene smile was the most beautiful thing anyone could wake up to in the morning. I had no idea what I had done to deserve that, but when I opened my eyes, she was there. Holding my hand, lying on top of the covers, watching over me.

“Hi,” she whispered.

It took a moment for me to process the information that her fully-dressed state, freshly-showered smell and the sunlight outside the window offered.

“I slept all through the night?” I murmured more to myself than to Marie, but she nodded her head in response.

“And no nightmares...”

“That's really good, isn't it?” she asked eagerly.

“It's really rare,” I replied in wonder, lifting our entangled hands to my face to place a kiss on her gloved fingers.

“Logan, last night...” she trailed off, her eyes wide in amazement.

“I know. It was...”

She giggled because I struggled to find the words to say all the things I wanted to say.
It had felt like we had reacher some sort of deeper level of consciousness just by concentrating on each other. The intensity of it must have eventually made us both fall asleep.

“You felt it too, didn't you? Right from the beginning.”

I nodded and sat up in bed, briefly letting go of her hand to get up and collect one of the white hotel towels and some other supplies for a shower from the bedside table.

“It's...strange,” I picked up our conversation again. “In an entirely good way.”

A foreign feeling of emptiness began to settle into my stomach and it took me a moment to realize that I was missing Marie – even though she was sitting on the bed, two feet from where I was standing.

The sudden uncomfortable expression on her face revealed to me that she experienced the same. We gave each other a quick look of confusion before I pulled her up into my arms, dumping my towel and shampoo onto the floor, and she pressed her face into my chest with a content sigh.

“Better,” I muttered into her hair, inhaling the lingering presence of her vanilla shampoo.

She raised her head and stood on her toes to press a hurried kiss to my cheek, quickly pulling away and putting a sufficient distance between her bare skin and mine again.
Biting her lip, she turned her eyes down and seemingly studied the carpet. It didn't take a telepath to identify the intense feeling of frustration that rolled off her in waves.

“Marie,” I whispered and gently cupped her chin, lifting it to make her look at me. The agonizing pull of her mutation started to take its effect, but I was nowhere near letting go.

“It's okay, you don't have to...”

“Yes I do,” I choked out before bringing my lips to hers and concentrating as hard as I could to ignore the pain it caused me and focus on the tenderness of her tongue as she caressed my lower lip.

I was already seeing stars and feeling my legs go limp by the time I regretfully let go of her, quickly reaching out to the wall to support myself.
My blood had turned into a violent fire that shot through my body and I had trouble hiding my misery from Marie, who was instantly by my side, whispering countless apologies into my ear and rubbing soothing circles on my back and shoulders.

I didn't move for about five minutes, that seemed like several days to me, until the pain had subsided and was replaced with all-consuming exhaustion.

“We shouldn't have done that,” Marie whispered, her voice thick with worry. “We have to be more careful.”

“No,” I replied tonelessly, clearing my throat to make my voice return.
“No, we don't. Don't ever hold back with me, okay? You have to be careful all the time, you should be able to feel free when it's just us. I'll heal, I always do.”

I wasn't sure whether I had said something wrong or exactly the right thing when a single tear silently made its way down her cheek.

“I'll never be free, Logan. Never.”

After breakfast, we packed up the little possessions we had (which were mostly clothes that belonged to me) and got ready to get on the road again.
I wasn't sure where we were, but it didn't seem important enough to ask.

The heavy knot in my stomach that was full of anger, fear and sadness was gradually being dissolved by the occasional sensation of happiness and a strange serenity. Receiving strength from the desperate grip with which Logan and I held on to each other as if something was trying to tear us apart any moment now, I was reluctantly allowing myself to have hope.

Of course the bright light at the end of my personal tunnel was still somewhat hidden behind the obstacles that lay ahead of us; my skin being the major one. Logan was doing his best to just ignore it; or pretend not to be bothered by it for my sake, but I saw the pain it caused him every time and my sympathy and regret knew no boundaries.

Then there was of course the question of how our lives would go on. I wouldn't have hesitated to agree, had he asked me to stay on the road with him forever. But the more rational part of my mind told me that I needed an education, a job, house. Stability. I needed the Professor's school...eventually.


We hadn't talked much since we had left the hotel. Logan was probably quiet because he was still very exhausted and had to concentrate on driving and I just didn't know what to say.
My arms wound tightly around him, I pressed my cheek against his back and, this time, dared to open my eyes and enjoy the scenery that was rushing by. We were driving down a deserted road somewhere between a chain of snow-covered mountains, much like the one we had been on before his trailer had been attacked.

“How you feelin' back there?” Logan suddenly asked, interrupting my thoughts.

“I'm good.”

“I want you to try something,” he said solemnly and I felt his arm reach back and wrap around my waist, holding me in place. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation.

“Okay.” I couldn't see the smile cross his face, but it colored every syllable.

“And now, I want you to let go.”

It took me a moment to comprehend his request. Let go? We were easily going 60 miles an hour and I had just come to terms with opening my eyes during the ride. Holding on to him with all the strength I could muster up was pretty much my life insurance at this point.

“Trust me,” he repeated and I eventually started to loosen my steel grip around his body, vocalizing my fear in a tortured whimper.

“It's okay,” he reassured me.

I managed to relax my pounding heart and the cramping muscles of my arms enough to pull back so that only my hands were lightly resting on his hips now.

“You're doing good,” Logan encouraged me and I felt him speed up the motorcycle by the tiniest bit.

“Are you sure you wanna go faster right now?” I asked shakily, keeping my fingers from grabbing a hold of his jacket only with great effort.

He ignored my question and we went yet a little faster. In a futile attempt to calm myself down, I concentrated on his secure grip around my waist, reminding myself that his metal-covered bones would in fact keep me much safer than my weak attempts at clinging to him could ever be able to.

“You need to take off your gloves now,” Logan instructed me softly but firmly.

I stared at my shaking hands for a moment, weighing my options. I wasn't quite ready to fully let go yet, so I cautiously brought up my right arm and bit down on the material that covered my index finger, pulling off my glove with my teeth and stashing it away into the pocket of my cloak once I was finished. I repeated the same procedure on my left hand while my right one found its way back to Logan's side.

Trying to ignore the fact that we were continuously speeding up, I squeezed my eyes shut and muttered “Done” against the back of his neck.

“Can you stretch your arms out to both sides? All the way out?”

“Uhm...”

“I've got ya, don't worry. You're safe.”

“Okay,” I whispered in defeat and made sure my legs were holding me up on the bike by contracting my muscles until they started hurting.
Pressing my lips together into a fine line and holding my breath, I finally lifted both my arms in one swift, brave move and reached out, my hands grasping into the air.

I let out a tiny gasp when the wind hit me with unexpected force, making the sleeves of my coat flutter and pressing my shoulders back a little bit. The cold air brushed over my exposed fingers like an icy caress and I turned my hands up and down to feel the sensation at every angle. My heart was still beating furiously, but most of the fear had disappeared in favor of a strange, adrenaline-induced excitement.

“Good, huh?” Logan asked and continued when he felt me nod against his body “Now you have to open your eyes and lean back a bit, okay? Think you can do that?”

Driven by a bold rush of courage, I lifted my head off his back and forced my eyes open, allowing my upper body to distance itself from his. The scream that escaped me when the wind blew the hood off my head and released my hair into its mercy was a mix of joy and surprise that made Logan chuckle.

He supported me with his arm as I let my body drop further back, turning my face up to the sky. We went faster and faster, the cold air starting to hurt my cheeks and hands a little, but I didn't care. The high of velocity had completely taken me over and made for an incredible adrenaline rush; especially in combination with the faint tingle of fear I still felt.

“I feel like I'm flying!” I shouted to Logan, releasing the thrill that ran through every nerve of my body. “This is amazing!”

“Does it feel like freedom?” he asked, picking up our conversation from earlier and suddenly I realized where all of this was coming from.

I wanted freedom, he gave it to me. It wasn't the kind of freedom I had originally had in mind, but this was so much better because it was his kind of it. And of course it didn't make my mutation go away, but it had taken my mind off it for a moment.

The gesture had a hint of adorable helplessness but most of all a desperate wish to make me happy written all over it, which made it one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me.

“Yes, yes it does. Oh my God!”

Even though I wanted to keep flying forever, the impulse to pull myself back up and give Logan the closest thing to a hug that was possible in this position was stronger.

My body thumped back against his and my arms were immediately wrapped around him again; not out of fear this time, but out of a heartfelt wave of affection that I had to pass on to him. I kissed his neck through the protection of thick his hair, whispering my gratitude into it.


~x~


“Have you ever tried to control it?”

I looked up from the steaming cup of coffee that stood on the table before me, meeting Logan's gaze with a puzzled expression on my face.

“What do you mean, control it?”

We had decided to make a short stop to have something to eat and warm up a little and were now sitting in a small diner side by side. I was pressing my bare hands against the coffee mug in an attempt to defrost my numb fingers and almost felt like a regular person.
Regular people occasionally had cold hands, because they weren't constantly protected by gloves.
Sometimes I forgot about that.

“Well, sort of turn it on and off, ya know? Just like the Professor can decide whose thoughts he wants to read and when, instead of having everybody in his head all the time. And that girl who can walk through walls doesn't just fall through the floor when she doesn't want to,” Logan explained, distractedly running his hand up and down my thigh under the table.

“I don't know if I'm able to do that,” I mumbled. “I wouldn't know how to.”

We exchanged a solemn look, both of us aware that the Professor was probably the only one who could help me with something like that.

“You can just...try.” Logan suggested, offering me an alternative that allowed me to delay my return to the school but work on solving the problems my mutation caused at the same time.
He of all people would know that sitting around and doing nothing – or not being able to do anything – about a pressing issue could be one of the most frustrating experiences in the world.

He placed his hand flat on the table, dangerously close to my exposed fingers.

“Right now? In here?” I asked insecurely, scanning the area around us to make sure nobody was paying any attention.

Logan had chosen our table wisely; in a corner in the very back of the diner where he could block both me and his face from everyone's view simply by turning his back towards them.

Had it been anyone else to practically cage me between his body, the table and 2 walls, I would probably have felt cornered; but Logan's presence made me feel comfortable.

He placed a calming hand on my knee, running his thumb up and down in soothing movements.

“You don't have to. No pressure, darling.”

I nodded and loosened my grip on the cup of coffee, gathering my hands in my lap. Logan seemed to be dead set on improving my life and personal happiness today by pushing me to do things that I was afraid of.

But it had worked extremely well last time and I knew that he would never make me do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Besides, I had touched him before and we both knew when to pull away, so I didn't have to be too scared of accidentally knocking him out. The only fear that I felt slowly inching up my back was that of failure. As long as I didn't make any efforts to keep my skin under control, I couldn't fail and be disappointed by it. But I also knew that I couldn't succeed if I didn't try...

I flashed a quick half-smile at Logan's worried face and reached out for his hand on my leg, covering it with my own. My mutation needed a moment to get started and I seized that split second to memorize the feel of his hand as accurately as I could. I had never held his hand without a barrier of clothing between us before, so this small touch meant a lot.

His skin was rough but as as much so as I had expected. I traced his knuckles with my thumb, feeling the softness of the spots that had healed an uncountable amount of times.

The flow of Logan's powers and the contents of his mind into me started out slowly, as nothing but a soft drizzle. It gradually progressed into a stream that grew stronger until we both started trembling and his essence was practically shoved into me with violent force. Images and thoughts flooded my brain, making me feel dizzy and concentration almost impossible.

'You can do it,' Logan's voice echoed in my head and I wasn't sure whether he had said it aloud or just thought it, but it gave me hope.

I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on creating some kind of dam inside myself, pushing all the walls I could manage to build against the flood that came from him.

A low whimper slipped from my lips as the walls kept breaking down and I felt Logan begin to pull his hand away from under mine; not because he was worried about himself but because he saw I was having some difficulties with adapting to the situation. I held on tight to his hand for a couple more seconds though and with one last effort, I mentally pushed against him with all my remaining strength.

What happened in the following moment was hard to comprehend; all I knew was that I suddenly found myself collapsing against Logan's chest while he let out a gasp of pain and surprise and fell forward as well, his chin colliding with my shoulder. We remained in that position for a few seconds, catching our breath and letting each other's presence calm us down.

“Sorry,” Logan finally muttered, kissing my shoulder through my shirt. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, I'm fine,” I replied slowly as my vision cleared up and the world around me stopped spinning. “What just happened?”

With a groan full of pain, he lifted his weight off me and steadied himself holding on to the table while sliding his other arm around my shoulders.

“I think you just slapped me with your mind.”

“Sorry,” I repeated his earlier words and snuggled into the embrace.

“'s okay. It was good.”

I couldn't help but laugh at that, rubbing my cheek against his shoulder. “Yeah, you into that kinda thing?”

He chuckled quietly and kissed the top of my head. “You pushed me out, that was good.”

“I did, didn't I?” I mused in wonder.
My powers had stopped working a split second before I had pulled my hand away. Of course causing Logan even more pain by trying not to suck his powers than I normally did had not been part of the plan...

“Let me recover for a bit and we'll try again tonight, okay?” he interrupted my thoughts.

In spite of his exhausted state, I could tell how excited he was about this and it was hard not to have it rub off on me.

“Okay,” I replied, a bewildered smile spreading across my face.

Concerning the hotel situation, we weren't as fortunate as the night before. I didn't really mind sleeping in some dirty, windowless room located above an equally dirty bar, but it certainly wasn't the right place for Marie.

That had been the very first thought to run through my mind the night we had first me as well: No place for her.
But we were currently in the middle of nowhere and had been lucky to find a place to stay at all, so we were in no position to complain.

After dropping off our bags in our room, we had returned downstairs for some drinks. Marie was sitting on one of the bar stools, occasionally sipping on her coke while I stood next to her, leaning back against the counter, a well-deserved beer in hand.

She had received some suspicious looks from the other customers, looking much too young to be here, but a scowl and a dark look shot their way usually convinced them to retreat.

I could tell by the thoughtful expression on her face that she was still thinking about the earlier incident in the diner and for about the hundredth time, I wondered whether I had pushed her a little too much today. It was obviously an uneasy subject for her to deal with and I didn't have enough sensitivity to approach it accordingly.

Eventually, all I could do was hope that she knew I was doing everything with the best intentions, even if it made her feel a little uncomfortable at first.

She had enjoyed the motorcycle thing incredibly much, that I could tell. And hopefully she would be able to retain the hint of freedom she had felt until she was ready for the real thing.

It would be a long and stony path to controlling her skin and I wasn't exactly the ideal person to help her with it. But I couldn't stop myself from trying because I saw how unhappy her mutation made her and that was one thing I couldn't live with.

Whatever had happened this afternoon was definitely a step into the right direction. So, yes, maybe it had been a bit of a violent approach to shut off her mutation. I still felt like I was recovering from a severe concussion, but I was doing my best not to let that show.

I smiled at the feel of Marie's arm slipping around my waist and her small hand settling down against my side.

“You okay, baby?”

Returning my smile, she nodded and a strand of chocolate-colored hair fell into her eyes. Just when I had lifted my hand to her face to brush it back behind her ear, I caught a familiar scent and instantly froze.

I wasn't sure what exactly about knowing Sabretooth was around made every muscle in my body tense, ready to crouch into a predator-like posture and attack any minute. Something about his presence sent me right into animal mode and I hated having Marie witness that.

She stared at my angry face, questions in her wide eyes; questions that I couldn't answer right now.

I searched the crowd for a familiar face and spotted Sabretooth by the door, shit-eating grin plastered onto his face.

“Logan, what is it?”

Her soft voice was close to my ear and I noticed I had unknowingly wrapped an arm around her and pulled her off her stool, crushing her body against my side, ready to protect her as well as I was able to.

My instincts urged me to let my rage run free and tear Sabretooth into a million pieces, but the more sensible choice was to grab my girl and make a run for it.

I couldn't afford to get into a fight with her around, it was too dangerous. And even though she already knew everything there was to know about my darker sides, there was no need for her to witness them in action. A cage fight was nothing against what this confrontation had the potential of turning into.

“Run,” I ordered, pulling Marie with me while I tried to make it to the back door and out of here before our disappearance would be noticed. I felt her heart rate pick up speed up and wanted more than anything to tell her that we would be fine and safe in a minute, but couldn't.

“What's the rush, Wolverine?”

Sabretooth appeared in front of us out of nowhere and snarled menacingly. I quickly pushed Marie behind me, supplying her with all the protection I had to offer.

“Don't you wanna stay and...chat?” Punctuating the last syllable, his fingernails grew into dirty crescent-shaped claws.

“Get out of my way,” I hissed, sliding out my own claws and receiving a few gasps from the crowd around us, that quickly backed away.
I heard Marie quietly whimper behind me and wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't afford to drop my defense.

“Guys, would you mind taking this outside?” the bartender bravely requested from the side, sheer terror appearing in his eyes when both Sabretooth and I threw him an angry look.

“This wouldn't be the first bar we wreck,” he told the terrified man behind the counter before turning back to me. “Would it, runt?”

Puzzled for a second, I wasn't entirely ready for the attack that was launched at me.
Receiving a terrified shriek from Marie, Sabretooth slammed his knee into my stomach, simultaneously slashing his fingernails across my throat.

The stinging pain was enough to make me stagger backwards, distinctly registering the warm, sticky feeling of blood spilling all over the front of my shirt. There was no time to wait for the wound to heal; he was already preparing another hit and I had to be fast.

I leaped forward, tackling him and ramming the claws up his rip cage, taking us both down to the floor in the process. Sabretooth choked, but wasn't hurt severely enough to remain immobile for more than a split second.

His hands were already on their way back to my throat and I was about dodge, roll off him and get ready for the next move, when he suddenly froze. His hands stopped in mid-air, trembling violently and a grimace of pain appeared on his face...

“Marie!”

I spun around, and rushed to her side. She was kneeling on the floor, one glove on the floor next to her and her bare hand wrapped around our attacker's ankle.

“Marie, stop!” I yelled helplessly, watching her shake and nearly sob in terror. She held up her other hand and motioned for me to wait, to let her finish the job.

Her innocent features showed a new sense of solemn determination and a strength that was beyond anything I had ever seen on her. She was really going to hold on long enough to kill him, there was no question about that.

But I couldn't let her do it...not because I didn't want him to die; hell, there wasn't much I wanted more than that right now, but she wouldn't be able to live with a murder on her conscience. It would ruin her, destroy her...she had been through enough in her life, she didn't need homicide on the list.

I felt like my mind was about to burst with the pressure of having to make this choice for her and struggled to remain focused.

I watched in horror for one more second before I grabbed a hold of Marie and pulled her away, to her feet and out the back door, following our original path. She stumbled after me with uncoordinated steps, protesting weakly when I scooped her up in my arms and carried her across the parking lot.

“Logan, he...the machine...Magneto...we have to...tell...the Professor....”

My mind was racing as I pressed her trembling body tight against my chest.
We had to get out of here fast, before Sabretooth could regain consciousness and track us down again. He would recognize the bike, so we couldn't take that. Without time to feel guilty, I cut open the door of the car that was parked closest to us and heaved Marie into the passenger seat before sliding behind the wheel and using one claw to turn the ignition.

She was muttering and tossing back and forth in her seat, caught in a state between being asleep and awake. It just about killed me that there wasn't anything I could do for her but desperately hope she would be okay after she got some rest, pray that I had made the right choice; and that I had made it soon enough.

Pulling onto the highway and pushing the car as fast as the old engine would allow, I took Marie's gloved hand in mine and squeezed it tightly.

My eyes shifted back and forth between her and the road restlessly. There was too much going on at once; all I wanted was to make sure she was going to be all right, to stop the car and hold her in my arms forever, calm her, make the big pile of mess in her head go away...but I couldn't lose any time, we had to make it as far away from the bar as we could as quickly as possible. If Sabretooth caught up with us again, I wasn't sure we would make it out as easily as this time.

He appeared to have a healing factor much like mine, which left me with no advantage and a realistic possibility to lose a fight with him.

“Cerebro....she poisoned...”

It seemed as if Marie's brain had received an overload of disturbing images from Sabretooth and was trying to shut itself off to process while she was fighting to stay awake. I wasn't sure what was the right thing to do here.

She needed rest and I was more than eager to put her out of her misery and let her sleep, but she was obviously trying to tell me something important. Maybe it was better to let her get it out first.

“The....he...he needs me to...oh....oh Logan.....no...please, no...”

“I'm right here, darling,” I said softly and her face seemed to relax for a moment when she heard my voice. I didn't know how much danger she was in and couldn't let myself imagine it.
If I lost her...no. I couldn't even think it. I had to be strong for her now...get her somewhere she was safe and where people could take care of her –

“We have to...get me...the school, Logan...the Professor...”

“Do you want to go back to Xavier's?” I asked, deliberately keeping my voice calm even though it was hard, because I was almost as shaken as she was just by seeing her like this. But I couldn't let those feelings take over, not now.

“Yes,” she breathed, lifting her head to look at me with great difficulty. Her eyes were surprisingly clear and she stared at my face in wonder, as if she had never seen me before.

“Okay, okay, I'll take you back, baby. You'll be fine.”

I hoped that I was telling her the truth, that she would be all right. I had fucked things up once again and put her in danger when I should have been more careful, taken better care of her...

“Warn him...we'll tell them....he won't...won't get me....Jimmy,” she muttered softly, her eyelids fluttering and then finally dropping shut while the grip that her delicate fingers had on my hand loosened.

“Who's Jimmy?” I asked in confusion, but Marie had already drifted off to sleep.

The dark shadows under her eyes were proof of her exhaustion. She had held on to Sabretooth longer than she ever had to me; even when she had used my powers to heal herself. His presence must be extremely strong in her head now, paralyzing her with whatever memories and murderous thoughts he might have.

Maybe it would really be all for the best to take her back to the Professor and have him do some sort of telepathy exorcism on her, or whatever it was that he did.
And then I would go back and find Sabretooth to make him pay.

My head felt like an empty bubble.
The emotions that are aroused by walking from a busy street into a hospital, where everything is white and clean, almost obnoxiously so, were very similar to those that I felt when I woke up. The sensations in my mind and body were disturbingly light and empty.

It was so distracting that I failed to notice where I was for the first couple of seconds. Only Logan's voice could softly lure me back into reality.

“Hey, baby. How you feelin'?”

I needed a moment to answer, taking in my surroundings and letting the calming fact that I was back at the Mansion and currently in Logan's bed sink in. He sat on the edge of the mattress and stroked my hair lovingly, an unusual mix of relief and worry in his eyes.
I threw a quick look to the alarm clock on the bedside table. 4:20. It had to be afternoon.

“I'm fine – my head feels weird, but I'm good.”

I dizzily pushed the covers aside to sit up and noticed that I was wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, both with the school's logo printed onto them. It made sense, my clothes were all back in who-knows-where, sitting in my duffel bag and then ones I'd been wearing were probably ruined with blood and all kinds of dirt. I briefly wondered if Logan had taken care of dressing me...it seemed likely, considering none of the others would dare to come in danger of touching my skin – or being ripped to pieces by Logan for seeing me in my underwear.
I absently smiled at that and crawled onto his lap to snuggle into the warm embrace he extended to me.

“Thank God, I was so scared for you.” He pressed me against his chest and sighed deeply.

“I was scared for you, too,” I whispered while the memories of our encounter with Sabretooth played in my mind like an old movie I had seen years ago.

“I know, baby, I know...you were really brave. A little too brave,” Logan said. The shock still seemed to be fresh for him.

“Yeah,” I agreed, feeling silly.
It had been a stupid and dangerous spur-of-the-moment decision to use my powers in a fight. I didn't know myself and my mutation well enough to do something like that and I certainly hadn't expected myself to be able to kill anyone. It had probably been a mix of self-preservation instincts and being afraid of Logan getting hurt to drive me to a rash decision like that. I was a tiny bit proud of myself, but mostly afraid and ashamed.

I faintly remembered that something had happened last night to make me want to return to the school, that there was something I had to do, something I had come back for...the Professor. Yes. There was something about Magneto and a dangerous plan, but the details had escaped me. Whenever I tried to remember something that I knew was part of someone else's memory, I felt like I was trying to walk through a mental blockade or something.

“What happened to my head?” I asked Logan.

“Well...I don't know the details,” he said. “But basically...it was getting a little crowded inside your head, especially after...the bar. Sabretooth was having quite a party up there and I guess I wasn't happier to run into him than I was in real life, so we were battling inside of you or something. Your brain couldn't take it and went into standby, just shut itself off. You were out for a couple of days, it was...it was pretty bad. The Professor messed with your head a little bit, locked away all the people who don't belong there, and you woke up soon after. Thank God.”

So that explained the emptiness. I hadn't been alone in my head for a while now, even if it only been David at first. The sudden void would definitely take some getting used to, but it was a huge relief to be on my own again. I didn't really mind Logan's presence of course, I even enjoyed it at times, but constantly hearing voices could drive a person insane over time.

“Are they gone or just locked up? I mean...can I still access the stuff that I absorbed or is it all gone?” I asked, my voice trembling nervously. Remembering Magneto's plans might just be crucial to our survival, so I definitely had to find those memories again.

In addition to that, I had caught glimpses of Logan's past in Sabretooth's thoughts, but didn't remember more than the mere fact that it was there because I hadn't had much time to dig into it. Whatever Sabretooth knew, I had to remember that as well. With Logan being desperate to find anything at all about his past, this would be more than he had bargained for...answers to everything.

I didn't dare to tell him that I might be able to help him uncover the great mysteries of his life, in fear that the information had be permanently erased after all. It would only disappoint him and, worst-case scenario, drive him to go after Sabretooth again to make him spill all he knew. Definitely not an option at this point.

“It's all there, just not the way it used to be,” Logan explained, rubbing my back and I let out a silent sigh of relief.
“I don't know how it works. I'm sure the Professor can explain it to you later. He said there was a whole load of crap in your head.”

“He saw it?” My eyes instantly widened, my mouth the slightest bit open.

“Yeah, he saw everything when he went through it. He didn't tell me much, but apparently Magneto wasn't after me; he wanted you to use you for some machine that would turn a bunch of government officials into mutants at the UN Summit this week. And he sent a shapeshifter here to poison Cerebro and to talk you into running away so it would be easier to get to you.”

“So what Bobby told me...?”

“Was bullshit, coz it wasn't your friend telling you that, it was that metamorph chick.”

“And the Professor isn't mad at me?”

“No, he ain't mad,” Logan reassured me. “Never was, actually. Scooter was pretty pissed though, when I walked in here, carrying you, unconscious and all. Especially a few days after telling him I was entirely capable of keeping you safe. Called me some names that I didn't think he'd even know...he gave me a pretty hard time. Or tried to, ya know.”

I gave Logan a light smile, running my ungloved fingers over his cotton-covered chest and shoulders, while his face remained solemn.

“Scott might have been angry with me, but it was nowhere near the guilt trip I set myself on...you have no idea how sorry I am that I didn't look out for you better. I promised to, and then I fucked up and I'm so, so sorry,” he rambled on until I interrupted him.

“Don't worry about that, really. It wasn't your fault.”

He opened his mouth to disagree but I silenced him with a quick kiss. My skin caught just a tiny bit of his thoughts – full of guilt and relief and the need to hide me away from the world so nobody could ever harm me again – that floated through my mind until it disappeared in what I assumed to be Logan's compartment in my head.

“That's cool,” I said, earning a questioning look from him.

“See, the bit I caught of you just now...it was in my mind for one second and then it was gone. Still there, but locked away, like you said. It's like my head is full of zip-archives, that's kind of fun.”

Logan raised one eyebrow at me, not seeming to fully grasp what I was talking about. He probably hadn't had any interest in acquiring profound computer knowledge while he'd been driving around in a trailer and cage-fighting for a living.

“Well, it's like – ”
I began to explain, but his lips were already brushing against mine again, warm and tender in a much too short caress. I felt his healing powers run through my body, as if to quickly check for any places that might need fixing, while his presence rushed over me like a pleasant wave of affection before disappearing into its zip-folder and leaving me with the feeling of emptiness that I slowly started to recognize as myself.

“You wanna go talk to Chuck?” Logan asked after a minute of comfortable silence.

“You do that and then you ask me if I wanna leave this room?” I teased him, but withdrew from his embrace to get up and find something to cover my arms and hands with.

He held out two pairs of thin black gloves, one my size and one much bigger.

“Did you...?” Handing me my pair, he pulled on his own, eyeing his hands with disapproval.

“I specifically told Jean not to get those that would make me look like a freaking 19th-century magician. But does the woman ever listen...?”

I reached out to take Logan's gloved hand in my still bare one.
It was a small gesture for him to buy gloves but it moved me immensely. I didn't need physical proof that he cared about me; I already knew he did, but this somehow made the unbelievable things that had happened between us in the past few days a little more real.

He didn't make a fuzz about wearing these undoubtedly silly-looking gloves and would lightly brush off their significance if anyone asked him about them, but I could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what they meant to me. Another step towards freedom.

I tucked my gloves into the back pocket of the sweatpants and followed Logan out the door and down the hall, tightly holding on to his hand.

He must have recognized the origin of the warm, happy smile on my face, because he lifted my hand to his face to briefly kiss my fingers and whispered, “You don't have to hide yourself like that, not from me, never from me.”

I stared up at him in awe, pulling us to a halt and standing on my toes to be able to reach his face with my lips.

“The legal age of consent is 17 in the state of New York; I hope you're aware of that, Logan?” Scott's bitter voice echoed through the hall from behind us and interrupted our moment.

“That's none of your business,” Logan growled at him darkly, turning around and possessively pulling me closer. I placed a calming hand on his side in an attempt to avoid a confrontation.

“Mr. Summers, it's really not like that, we - ”

“Not yet, Rogue, not yet. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, what he is really like,” Scott interrupted my nervous rambling; apparently not interested in any peace-keeping activities.

Logan was ready to defend my honor, but I restrained him with a meaningful look. This wasn't going to be easy or wise, but I knew that if I wanted to be seen as an autonomic individual, and not just the poor little lost kid that he had picked up in some bar and was now successfully corrupting and mentally undressing at any given moment, I had to stand up for myself and not have him do that.

“Funny you should say that, Mr. Summers,” I said in my best innocent voice. “Pretending you know all about Logan, when I'm the one who's got him in her head.”
I shrugged and smiled at him brightly, acting surprised by his insight.

“Rogue, you – ”Scott was baffled and his eyes darted back and forth between Logan and me, unsure of who to blame for the scandal at hand. I decided to step up my game a bit and give him something to think about.

“And as it appears to me at the moment, you have a dirtier mind than he does. Shocking, no?”
I looked up at Logan, my mouth hanging open with played astonishment on my face. His expression mirrored my own, except for the fact that his surprise was real.

Scott opened his mouth to say something but was so shocked that nothing came out. He stared at me for another couple of seconds before he finally turned around and stomped away from us, shaking his head in despair and muttering something about lost morals.

As soon as he had rounded a corner, I broke into a fit of nervous giggles.

“What did I do?” I gasped, laughing, covering my mouth with my hands.

Logan joined into my laughter and raised his brows in wonder. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

I beamed at him, shocked and proud of myself at the same time. “I wasn't thinking. The Professor's treatment left my brain with a bunch of fried synapses,” I offered.

“Right,” he said sarcastically.

“Either way, the last part was a lie.”

“The – what?”

By the time Logan realized what I was talking about, I had already made it to the stairs and was on my way down with a grin on my face.

“Apart from being a bit sassier and gigglier than usually all of sudden, I think she's fine,” I told the Professor, amusedly watching the slightest blush creep onto Marie's face.

He gave her what looked like a knowing smile – he always knew about everything that was going on in his school after all – and nodded.

“I took the liberty of making this decision for you while you were unconscious, but I want you to know that I can always reverse the procedure if you want me to. I certainly wouldn't recommend it and see no need to do so, but it is entirely up to you, of course,” he explained calmly.

“I like things the way are now. Thank you for tidying up the mess in there,” she replied,tapping her head and smiling politely.

“Of course.”

“But there is one thing...”

Marie peeked at me from the corner of her eye, but turned her regard back to Chuck before I could meet it. She was fidgeting on her chair and seemed nervous.

“Yes,” came the reply and they exchanged a long, concentrated look, leaving me completely oblivious to what was going on.

Maybe there was something wrong with Marie that she didn't want me to know about...but she wouldn't keep anything from me now, would she? I suppressed an irritated growl. How could anyone not work up a certain degree of dislike for telepathy in a moment like this one?

I watched Marie close her eyes, lids fluttering and twitching every now and then, while the Professor's eyes locked on her face. Both remained perfectly silent for a couple of extremely frustrating minutes, until Marie's eyes snapped back open and she turned to me with a serious expression on her face.

“What happened?” I asked her, giving Chuck a dose of his own medicine and entirely ignoring his presence for the time being.

“There is something in Sabretooth's memories that I think you should know about. That's why I asked Professor Xavier to show me how to access the information in my head.”

“Oh.” I nodded my understanding and was interrupted by the noise of Professor X clearing his throat before I could ask what exactly Sabretooth knew that might be important to me.

“Before you two discuss that matter, I would like to talk to you about something else. I might be able to provide you with answers to a few questions that I suspect have been on both your minds.”

Marie and I both turned our attention back to him.

“I assume you have noticed that, especially since the night that Rogue left the Mansion, there is a special bond between the two of you. Similar to nothing you have ever experienced before.”

He gave us both a meaningful look before he carried on.

“This is not an uncommon thing to occur between two mutants whose abilities complement each other in the way that yours do. Logan, you are probably the only one who can touch Rogue's skin relatively safely. You, in turn, Rogue, are the only person who could end his life – hypothetically speaking. You see, your powers are opposites, in a way. And whoever came up with the theory that opposites attract was not far off the mark. Relationships based on complementary mutations are always intense and long-lasting ones, thought they do not always result in love, like yours has.”

We exchanged a somewhat nervous look, both knowing that what we had was unmistakably love, but neither of us quite ready to talk about it as openly as the Professor just had. Not only was there a certain amount of bitterness hindering both of us from believing in love at all, there were also some commitment issues on my part and very little experience on hers.
Until now, we had been fine with acknowledging that thing between us as just that: an undefined thing, that had suddenly become the center of our universe.

I took Marie's hand in mine and softly massaged it with my glove-covered thumb.
I would not let her doubt my devotion to her for one second, regardless of the issues I would have to work through or the novelty of all the emotions that we were experiencing.
If there was one thing that she should be able to be sure of, one constant in her life, I wanted that to be me. I wasn't sure I had enough to offer to her to be just that; but I would give her all that was there, even if it left me with nothing. It was a bit scary to think that she probably felt the same way, because I didn't want her to sacrifice anything for me. She already gave me more than anyone ever had by just being there, by just caring about me in a way that I wouldn't have thought possible, especially since she had second-hand memories of me being at my worst.

We both had zoned out for a minute and Chuck had had the decency to give us our moment and wait until he had our attention before he continued to speak.

“I have never experienced this special bond myself, but I imagine it is easy to get lost in the moment every now and then,” he smiled at us with mild amusement, but swiftly went serious again.
“However, not everyone approves of your relationship the way I do, as you have probably noticed. The same way I trust Scott to treat you with more respect in the future, I trust you two to handle this situation...responsibly; especially seeing how Rogue is still very young.”

We nodded in unison, tightly holding on to each other's hands. Surprisingly enough, his thoughts were wandering into a direction that I hadn't fully explored yet. Of course looking at Marie and thinking about sex were two things that inevitably went together, but most of the time I was so overwhelmed with all the more noble emotions that she stirred up in me that I didn't give the matter a second thought. Her innocent purity wrapped around me like a bundle of light, turning me into a better person when I was around her. There were more important aspects to our relationship than just the physical part of it and I was prepared to wait for her as long as she needed me to.

Professor Xavier seemed satisfied with our reactions – and probably the thoughts he had picked up in our heads – and carried on.

“Now, I have been meaning to tell you how delighted I am to have you both back here, even though you came under the pressure of unpleasant circumstances. Rogue, I think Logan has already informed you that there have been some misunderstandings due to the infiltration of one of Eric's followers, but I just wanted to tell you again that nobody here is mad at you in any way, least of all me. And the other students know how hard it can be to come to terms with you powers at first, so they certainly don't judge you. The point I'm trying to make is that I sincerely hope you will stay here. Especially given the current situation with Eric and the security that this school has to offer to you.”

“I'll stay,” Marie quickly responded, a little embarrassed that she had fallen for Magneto's tricks to get her to leave the Mansion in the first place.
“I-if that's okay with you?” she added, looking at me shyly.

“I'll be where you are,” I simply said.

Chuck nodded contently and gave us both a warm smile.

“Uhm, Professor?” Marie asked quietly. “About that coming to terms with my powers thing...”

“You want me to help you control it,” he stated and she nodded eagerly.

“I – we tried, but I think I didn't do it the right way.”

She informed him about her attempts to make her skin stop absorbing my powers and had me describe the feeling of getting hit by the brick wall she had built with her mind.
Chuck's facial expressions went from amused over thoughtful to finally end up at something that could only be called impressed.

“That was an amazing thing you did, Rogue. The approach you chose was a little more violent than necessary, but a step in the right direction. I can help you to develop your control if you want to. Visualization, the technique you chose instinctively, is always a very useful and effective one. But just for the record: you might want to imagine a layer over your skin rather than a solid wall,” he finished with a smile.

“I'll remember that,” Marie muttered, her cheeks going slightly pink once more.

He nodded and continued talking to her while simultaneously sending me a mental message.

Logan, I need to ask you something.

Okay, I thought to myself, not sure how to answer to him directly.

We will have to come up with a way to keep Magneto from executing his plans. It will be more difficult for him without Rogue, but it will not stop him, he will find another way. That's why we need to be prepared to intervene. The UN Summit is tomorrow night. Would you be willing to join the X-Men on the mission?

Normally I would have told him how I didn't give a shit about what happened to the world leaders at the summit, or his precious X-Men, or anyone for that matter. How I didn't owe anybody a thing and thought it was utterly pointless to fight for a bunch of stuck-up politicians who were just waiting for an opportunity to make every mutant's life miserable anyway.

But I hesitated.

Looking at Marie from the corner of my eye, the initial hostility swiftly vanished. I wasn't alone in the world anymore, there was someone who cared about me now; someone I cared about, and that changed everything.
If fighting against this Magneto guy meant that I would do my share to make the world a safer place, it might actually be something I'd wanna do.
I knew it was something Marie would want to do – but hopefully never would because it was much too great a risk.

Besides, if we managed to destroy Magneto's machine, or him, it meant that Marie wouldn't be in danger of being abducted and used as a weapon in a fight she had nothing to do with anymore. So there weren't really that many arguments against helping the geeks out. I would probably also get to give Sabretooth's sorry ass a well-deserved kicking.

I'll do it.

The Professor smiled at me knowingly while saying his goodbyes to us.

There's a briefing in my office tonight, 10 pm.

He shook my hand and patted Marie's shoulder paternally, telling her he would see her for their first session the next afternoon.


~x~


I walked back to my room alone – or was it our room now? – because Marie had run into her two roommates and they had attacked her with questions and welcome-back hugs, dragging her away from me and towards the rec room, where a whole gathering of teenagers occupied the couches by the sounds of it.

She turned around and threw me a helpless but happy look.

My sweet Marie. She had been so worried about the other kids giving her a hard time, and here they were, concerned for her safety, excited she was back. As if anyone could ever not like her. I might have been a bit biased, but reality proved me right.

Her two roommates and that blond ice guy had been all over me the night we had come back, asking me all kinds of dumb questions I didn't want to hear and sitting by my bed while we had waited for Jean and the Professor to arrive and find out what was wrong with her.

I had put up with them for her sake, even though all I wanted to do was throw them right out of my room and and tell them to leave me alone. It hadn't been easy for them either, I suppose they were afraid of me or something, but they had all been brave and stayed until Chuck had assured us she would be okay after she had rested sufficiently and thrown us all out of the room to do whatever it was he had done to her head.

Those two hours of waiting on the door step had been the hardest. I could hear every change in her heart rate and breathing, every whimper she made and I could smell when she was getting scared or when she was relaxing.

My senses were so attuned to her that with a certain amount of concentration, I could still feel her heartbeat in my own body and smell her unique scent now, as I walked up the stairs to the first floor while she was chatting with her friends.

Of all the things I had expected the kids at the school to do, accepting me back with open arms had been one of the less probable possibilities.

Both Kitty and Jubilee actually hugged me when they first saw me on my feet again, even though I wasn't wearing my gloves and my arms were bare up the my elbows.
Bobby did the same and while I let him hold on a few seconds longer than necessary and listened to the relieved exclamations about my health that bubbled out of his mouth, I wondered how I could ever have been so oblivious not to notice that whoever had told me it was better to leave the school couldn't possibly have been him.

Kitty was warm and friendly, but a little reserved; in contrast to Jubilee, who treated me like we had known each other for years and not days.
It was also her who first came out with the question that I suspected was burning on everyone's tongues. It was remarkable that she had lasted the two hours the four of us had already spent in the rec room, watching a bunch of random shows on TV and sharing a huge bowl of popcorn.

“So Rogue, I'm literally dying to know: What's the deal with you and Wolverine?” she asked, and suddenly all eyes were on me.

“Uhm...” I blushed furiously and pointlessly looked over to Bobby for help. “Well, we...I guess we're...together?”

It was still strange to have to give a label to what exactly we were when we hadn't exactly worked that out ourselves.
Professor Xavier had called it love and even though I had no doubt that it was exactly that, it still felt strange to hear it out loud or even say it.
Calling Logan a boyfriend would seem silly for various reasons. For instance, the term brought nights at the movie theater, making out in our parents' cars and mushy text messages to mind, which was about as far from us as it could get.

“How'd that happen?” Jubilee blurted out and received an exasperated glare by Kitty.

“She has no tact,” Kitty apologized.

“Come on, we've all been wondering. I mean, he stabs her, she drains him – doesn't scream “potential love story” to me. No offence, chica.”

“It's...it's different. He just kind of gets me, you know? And there's this thing between us, like this bond. I don't know how to explain it, but...”
There must have been an absent, dreamy smile on my face at this point, but surprisingly, the others were polite enough not to point that out.

“Is he actually nice to you?” Bobby asked, looking a little worried. “He always seems so...grumpy and mean.”

“He's very sweet,” I replied, my voice on the border to being defensive. I paused and paid more attention to being friendly when I spoke again. “He's different when it's just us.”

They seemed to be content with that and I quickly changed the topic to something lighter; school. Due to the numerous interruptions of my everyday schedule, I still hadn't really chosen my classes and took the chance to receive some advice. The only thing I was sure about so far was that I wouldn't take any of Scott's classes.


~x~


After having been given a lengthy All You Ever Wanted To Know About Mutant High But Never Dared To Ask talk, I accompanied my friends to dinner, where I was finally reunited with Logan. He was already seated at the long table that the teachers shared, occupying a too-small extra chair next to Storm and looking extremely uncomfortable.
When I entered the cafeteria, his head snapped up and he gave me a relieved half-smile that spelled “Finally!”

Abandoning my friends for the moment, I rushed to his side and felt the uncomfortable sensation of distress that had spread in my stomach over the past few hours disappear.

“Sorry, that took longer than expected,” I whispered.
I really wanted to bend over and kiss him but it didn't seem appropriate, given we had the entire dining hall staring at us already. So I settled for cupping his face with one gloved hand, brushing my thumb across his cheek. Logan closed his eyes for a short moment and we both relaxed at the comforting touch.

“Don't worry 'bout that,” he replied, bringing my other hand to his lips to kiss my fingers through the thin, shiny material. “Those kids treat you nice?”

I smiled at the question that was amusingly similar to Bobby's earlier concerns.

“They were truly great. I think I was wrong about them before, when I thought they'd judge me...”

Logan grunted his approval and his eyes wandered over to my waiting friends.

“I think they want you to come sit with 'em,” he assessed, his eyes darkening at the prospect of having to let me go again after only a few seconds together.

“I know...you coming?” I proposed hopefully.

He gave me an unsure look, probably weighing his options in his head.
It would be a little weird for him to eat with a bunch of teenagers, but downright inappropriate for me to sit with my teachers.
Since splitting up was obviously not an option, as we confirmed to each other with the exchange of a smile, he rose from his chair and reluctantly followed me over to where Kitty and Jubilee had taken their seats across the table from Bobby.

I slid onto the vacant chair next to Bobby and pulled Logan down onto the chair next to me.
He nodded a gruff greeting to my friends, who returned it with a little more enthusiasm.

Jubilee winked at me and mouthed “cute”; I giggled and wanted to reply something, but was distracted by a familiar yet foreign atmosphere that lay in the air as soon as John walked over to our table and took his usual seat next to Bobby.

I was fairly sure he had asked me how I was feeling and said that it was good to have me back, but I was too preoccupied with what was happening to Bobby to pay attention to anyone's questions. His face had lit up and visibly relaxed the moment that John had slid into his seat.

The boys had exchanged the briefest look that I wouldn't have considered to hold any meaning if I hadn't known it so well.

Checking Logan's reaction, I found that he was staring at the two of them with the same mix of intrigue and wonder.

Bobby met my eyes for a second and then turned to John for confirmation of his suspicion, receiving an answer that never made its way to his mouth or anyone's ears.

Their silent communication continued, held merely by looks and nearly unnoticeable changes in their postures.

They engaged in a conversation with Kitty and Jubilee, but maintained their occasional exchanges without the girls noticing.

“Fire and ice,” I whispered to Logan excitedly, squeezing his hand. “They're just like us.”

“I hope not,” he said sarcastically, raising one eyebrow at the guys.

“Ugh! I didn't mean that!” I slapped his thigh under the table. I would save my LGBT Rights lecture for later. “That bonding thing with their mutations...and look at the way they talk, it's almost like telepathy, that's really cool.”

Bobby didn't appear to view the revelation of our similar connections quite that positively. When the girls turned to chattering among just the two of them, he whispered something to John that was so low that I couldn't hear it, but Logan answered my questioning look with a quick interpretation.

“He doesn't like us together because he thinks I'm a big creep and not good enough for you. And he was hoping that he was wrong about that whole bond thing between us. But his little friend over there just confirmed it and now Bobby's pissed because he knows it'll be a permanent thing,” he summarized humorlessly.

I looked at Bobby with wide, reproachful eyes and demonstratively rested my head against Logan's upper arm, scooting closer to the edge of my chair.

“It's just because they don't know you,” I muttered to Logan. “And they're scared, that's all. Don't be mad at Bobby, he just...he doesn't know what he's saying. He's actually really sweet.”

“I know,” he replied. “I'm not worried for me. I just don't want them giving you a hard time is all.”

“They won't. Jubilee and Kitty have been really nice. And Bobby's just – ”

“In love with you?” Logan asked tightly.

“No!” I exclaimed in a startled gasp.

I had never wasted much thought to Bobby's feelings for me. He had just been making me feel welcome because he had sat next to me in my first class. And he was close friends with Kitty, so it would make sense that he was around us a lot...I squeezed my eyes shut when I felt my headache from earlier return. This was all wrong.

A second ago I had been so happy, having found out that Bobby and John shared a connection much like the one Logan and I had recently discovered and fascinated by their subtle way of communication and of how attuned they were to each other. There could have been such interesting conversations and exchanges of experiences...but now Logan had succeeded in turning everything into an awkward mess.

“It's not true,” I tried to convince both him and myself. He noticed how upset I was over what he had said and quickly wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to...I shouldn't have said that, should I?”

I sighed in defeat and frustration, shrugging.
“'s okay. I just...wouldn't have noticed, I guess.”

“That's because you have no idea how wonderful you are,” Logan whispered into my ear in a low voice. “How sweet and beautiful and desirable...”

“Oh my God, stop it,” I giggled, feeling a blush color my cheeks.

I was grateful for the light-hearted turn the conversation was taking thought, because as sure as I was of what we had, that didn't make me immune to being afraid of losing it.
Bobby was exactly the kind of person everybody at school would typically picture me with. He wasn't too old, too violent, too unfriendly or too irresponsible – neither was Logan, but nobody seemed to be very interested in the truth around here when assumptions and accusations provided so much more of a thrill.

We had known from the very beginning that it wouldn't be easy to defend our relationship against all kinds of exterior pressure, but had been in sweet denial about that for as long as possible.

The aggressive sort of pressure, as displayed by Scott, was fairly easy to deal with. I had surprised and scared myself with my rigorous outburst earlier that day, but had also felt infinitely satisfied afterwards.

Bobby, however, was the manifestation of fate dangling an alternative reality in front of my face; the easy and supposed-to-be-that-way possibility of living my life. And even thought I was nowhere near even considering to choose that one, it was somewhat distressing to know it existed.

I really liked Bobby and valued the friendship we were in the process of building and didn't really need any complications in that. Simply put, I didn't like hurting people; especially those who didn't deserve it.

Much more dangerous than all of those things however, were Logan and I to ourselves.
Even though we didn't doubt our feelings for each other, I had felt a humble guilt within his mind that urged him to ignore his emotions and give me the chance to lead an easier life. Behind the big mouth and the boldness, Logan hid the way he really saw himself; and it had nothing in common with his usual display of arrogance.
Though flattering, it was almost scary to know that he put me up on some sort of shrine, considering me to be closer to an angel than a human being – and himself, well...I preferred not to think about that too much.

But that part of his mind wasn't predominant and the fraction of mine that held doubt certainly wasn't, either. As long as we believed in our love, we had a chance. We could make it.

“You know what?” I whispered to Logan, who had by now removed his arm from around me and gone back to just holding my hand, not wanting to make me feel awkward in front of my class mates and teachers.

“What, darling?”

“I really don't care what they say,” I replied breathlessly before meeting his lips in a hungry kiss that was short enough to protect him from most of my powers but long enough to have the entire cafeteria stare at us once more.

She looked so peaceful in her sleep.
Nobody would expect the calm strength behind her timid facade, the fierce courage that she displayed to everyone who tried to give us a hard time.

It had been an exhausting day for Marie and she had fallen asleep almost right after we had returned to my room after dinner. She was breathing deeply, her lips slightly parted and her auburn hair, still a little damp from showering earlier, falling into her face.

I could have stared at her sleeping form for the rest of the night, but it was getting late and I had to go to Chuck's meeting. I pressed a quick kiss against Marie's hair before I reluctantly rolled out of bed and quietly made my way out of the room, careful not to wake her up.

Entering the Professor's office, I was met with an icy glare from Scott and noticeably warmer, yet somewhat distant greetings from Jean and Storm. It seemed more than obvious that nobody wanted me here, I concluded, but was immediately reassured of the opposite.

They just don't trust you yet.

Get out of my head, would ya, Chuck?

You're not making it easy for them, either.

I'm here to get a job done, not to make new friends, I thought grimly.

He nodded generously and motioned for me to take a seat next to Storm.

We spent the next ten minutes or so listening to the mission plan that Scott and the Professor had come up with.
Apparently Magneto was going to place his magic machine inside the torch of the Statue of Liberty, where he would not be disturbed by anyone.
His original plan was to transfer his powers to Marie and put her into it and in case that didn't work out, the backup plan was very likely to result in his death – which was more than fine with me, to put it bluntly. No need for an intervention of any kind. But I knew that nobody would agree with that kind of opinion though and decided to keep my mouth shut this time.

The Professor proceeded to explain that the execution of Magneto's Plan B might seem to put us at an advantage, but was ethically incorrect. He didn't want his old friend to die for a number of reasons that completely escaped me and more importantly, he didn't want the members of the UN Summit to be turned into mutants against their will. It would only cause more hostility against our kind and a thirst for revenge that was sure to make many more complications than only the Mutant Registration Act become bitter reality.

“He will most likely not show up without protection and backup, but luckily for us, his team isn't very large. He's got the shapeshifter, Mystique; Sabretooth and another mutant by the name of Toad who should be fairly easy to deal with,” Scott summarized.
“Our most important objective is to destroy the machine; however we can't do that until Magneto has fully assembled it inside the Statue, so there's only a very small time window.”

“I believe it would be best to assign a certain task to everybody in advance,” the Professor cut in. “Scott, you'll take care of the machine. Jean, you'll deal with Mystique. By reading everyone's thoughts at all times, you can make sure you know if she tries to incorporate one of us. Storm, you can take care of Toad and create meteorological distraction while Scott blows up the machine. And Logan...you'll have to deal with Sabretooth while I'll try to talk to Eric.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Storm asked worriedly. “You won't have any of us around to protect you...”

“He won't hurt me,” he assured her with true conviction in his voice that puzzled me a little.
What were those two anyway? Friends, enemies, or a bit of both? But again, this was a question it was not very wise to ask.

I leaned back in my chair and listened to the ongoing conversation about battle strategies and tactical details. Not really my field of expertise. What people said about the best laid plans wasn't far off; at least most of the time. I relied on my instincts in all areas of life and I preferred it that way.

Zoning out, I mentally reached out for Marie, feeling and listening for her heartbeat and breathing. Something was making me nervous and I just had to do a quick check to make sure she was okay...but she really wasn't.
I let out a tiny gasp when I finally located her and felt her heart race as if it was my own. Her scent was spiked with fear and I vividly saw her face before my eyes as she was writhing and thrashing in her sleep.

She was having a nightmare and I really hoped it wasn't one of mine...should I go upstairs and check on her...?

The muffled scream that my senses picked up when she suddenly woke up had me on my feet in an instant and the realization that she must be even more disturbed by the empty side of the bed than by her bad dreams sent me out of the room, muttering an incoherent excuse.

I sped up the stairs and down the hall to my room, yanking the door open to find a crying Marie sitting in bed, huddled into the covers.

“Logan?” she sniffled and lifted her head to look at me, as if to make sure I was real.

I caught her in my arms and pulled her against me, onto my lap, slowly rocking us back and forth.

“Shh, it's okay now,” I whispered. “I was downstairs, in a briefing in the Professor's office. Didn't get around to telling you 'bout that before.”

She nodded and I felt her heart rate and adrenaline levels decrease a bit as she relaxed against my chest.

“I had a nightmare,” she told me, still a little shaken by the aftermath of it. “Apparently those boxes in my head don't close properly at night...I don't even remember it now...”

She stared into the darkness and thoughtfully pushed the strands of hair that stuck to her sweaty forehead out of her face.

“What did Professor Xavier want to talk to you about?”

“It was about this mission that he wants me to take part in, they're gonna destroy Magneto's machine and save the world, something like that.”

I attempted a smile to cheer her up a little, but Marie simply looked at me in disbelief.

“And you're going?”

“Yeah,” I replied, a sudden hint of pride in my voice. She was going to be so proud of me, fighting for the good guys, preventing some messed-up mass transformation from happening and –

“You can't be serious!”

She pushed herself away from me, flinging the covers aside and getting out of bed to pace the room restlessly.

“Did you even think of me for a second?”

She didn't sound angry, just hurt and worried, which was even worse. And I couldn't figure out the reason. Had I done anything wrong? Was something wrong with the mission? I had assumed she would be happy...

“I'm doing this for you,” I replied dumbly. “So he won't try to get you anymore.”

“For me?” she asked quietly. “For me?!”

“I'm worried about you, I wanna make sure you're safe.”

“But I'm worried about you, too!”
Her voice broke with the last word and I wanted to get up and hold her in my arms again. As sad as it was, this was possibly the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. Of course it was nonsense for her to be worried about me...I would recover from anything, I wouldn't get hurt. She was the one who needed protection, not me......only very slowly, the pieces were coming together in my head. Even though there was no reason to be concerned for my health, she suffered from the same anxieties that plagued me when it came to her safety. I had never even given any thought to that and felt incredibly stupid now.

“Listen, darling, I...I'll be fine. They can't hurt me.”

It was so strange to have somebody care about me that way. Nobody had ever shown that kind of concern. Hell, I didn't even really care what happened to me. Physical pain was a welcome distraction half of the time and even if I could have died, I probably wouldn't have given a shit about that either.

“Logan, just how dense are you?!” It came out as half a yell and half a sob and despite the insult, I once more had to fight the urge to walk over to her and capture her in my arms. “The guy controls metal. Metal, okay? He'll snap you in half!”

Her last words hit me like a smack to the head.
Of course.
I hadn't even thought of that for a second.
I'd been dead set on getting my revenge on Sabretooth, on fighting for a cause for the first time in my life that I hadn't even thought about Magneto's powers for once second.
How could I be such a fucking idiot?!
Made sense why she was scared for me now...if there was anyone out there who could seriously harm me, it was Magneto and I was running right into his arms.

“I wasn't gonna be up against him...Chuck assigned me to take care of Sabretooth,” I replied quietly, knowing how stupid I had to sound.

“Do you think he'll care who you've been assigned to?” Marie asked intensely. “Professor Xavier still thinks of Magneto as his old friend, but Logan...I've seen him trough Sabretooth's eyes, I know what he's capable of...you'll be the most vulnerable target to him...you can't go with them,” she pleaded.

I was half ready to agree with her and promise I would stay home, just to wipe the fear and terror off her face...it would be so easy now to just tell her she was right....

But it was too late. I had already said yes and whether it was dangerous or not, I had to go. Nobody else stood a chance against Sabretooth, with his healing factor that was so strangely similar to mine.

I might be putting myself at risk by joining the battle, but I would leave the others outnumbered and in even greater danger if I didn't go. It was too late now to go back to being selfish and reckless, I had taken a step into another direction by telling the Professor I was going to be part of the team and I couldn't take that back.

This mission had to be a success. If the X-Men lost, Marie would be in even more danger than before, with Magneto being pissed off and the people who could protect her gone. I had done a poor job of keeping her safe so far, I had to admit that to myself; and I was useless in protecting her against Magneto.
I didn't have a choice.

“I have to go, Marie,” I said quietly.

“Why?”

“For you. For them.” Let's just pretend for a second that they even cared. “Because I don't want to be the person I used to be.”

“No,” she sobbed. “You're just being stubborn and stupid!”

“All right, maybe I am. But right now I need to go back downstairs and we need to work on the plan, okay? I won't be long and I'll make sure that nothing will happen to me on the mission. We'll be smarter than them. It'll be fine.” I tried to sound as convincing as possible, given the fact that I didn't even fully believe myself.

“Logan, I...” She hid her face in her hands, sighing deeply. “I'm just gonna go. I'll be in my room, I...I can't do this right now. I can't be here and wait for you while you're – ...I just can't.”

“Honey, please...” I rose and reached out for her, trying to get a hold of her arm, but she pulled away, evading my touch.

“I'll see you in the morning.”

She didn't look at me again before she went out the door, quietly shutting it behind herself. I listened to her footsteps out in the hall; bare feet on cold linoleum, walking away from me.
It was the saddest sound I had ever heard.

When I heard the door to the room I shared with Jubilee and Kitty quietly open, I wasn't sure how much time had passed.

I hadn't slept for one second, of course, but done a fairly good job at pretending, because I didn't want the girls to worry. They had noticed something was off but I had blamed it on still feeling a little out of it from all the changes that had been made to my head, told them I was really exhausted and gone straight to bed.

I hadn't been able to discuss my feelings with them yet, because it was all still a little too vague. I was mad; I really was, but I wasn't sure who to be mad at, which magnified the frustration factor of it.
I certainly couldn't be mad at Logan, when he cared about me more than anyone and didn't even understand what he'd done wrong. The Professor? He was trying to save the world and that had blinded him a little, but he would never put any of us in greater danger than he knew we could handle. Scott was a good scapegoat, but regardless of the crap he pulled on us, he meant well; in his own sort of way.

In fact, everyone had all the best intentions. It was frustrating as hell and I was left with anger and fear and nobody to blame. Well, maybe Magneto. Or Sabretooth. Eventually, it didn't matter who I took my anger out on, because it wouldn't make me feel any better. It was all just an outlet for the unbearable fear that threatened to take over if only I let it.

It was foolish for Logan to fight in any battle that involved Magneto but I also understood why he had did it, or believed he had to do it. And though I didn't doubt his combat skills, I knew that Magneto's powers were something he was defenseless against. Excluding myself, he was probably the only one who was capable of killing Logan, and that...a shiver ran down my spine and I involuntarily contracted my muscles to the state of cramping.

Choosing to try and stop Logan from going by simply being stubborn wasn't the smartest, most mature or even most effective technique I could come up with, but it had seemed to be the only one I had a shot with at all.

Listening carefully for the silent sound of the door being closed again, I stayed perfectly still and tried to keep my breathing steady even though it probably wouldn't do anything to fool Logan (I assumed it was him, who else would have the nerve to sneak into our room at night?).

I kept my eyes closed as I felt his presence come closer and heard him sit down on the floor by the side of my bed. He didn't say anything, pretending to buy my act of being asleep. I felt his heavy gaze on me, attentively taking in every detail of my sleeping form as if it was the first time he saw me.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and met his sad, vulnerable look.

“What are you doing here?” I mumbled weakly.
My roommates finding us cute when we held hands during dinner was one thing, having him in our room in the middle of the night was another.

He seemed to contemplate his answer for a moment, which I used to push the covers aside and sit up in bed, clumsily stretching out one leg to retrieve my shoes from the floor by the end of the bed. If we were going to talk, it wouldn't be in here. I had pondered taking a walk around the gardens to get some air for a while, so I figured now was the time.

Before I could rise and start looking for something to wear over my t-shirt – probably an item from either Jubilee's or Kitty's wardrobe, which they had generously offered to me – Logan bent his upper body forward and rested his head on my knees, facing away from me. It was as much a gesture of endearment as it was of surrender to me.

I tangled my hands in his hair and stroked his head everywhere I safely could. If I got a dose of his thoughts and feelings now, I surely wouldn't be able to keep from crying.

“I couldn't sleep without you,” he said, answering my question with a barely audible whisper.

I had to close my eyes for a second, because I suddenly felt like I was falling. Such simple words, yet they said 'I love you' more clearly than anything else could have.

When I had regained my composure, I leaned down to return the vows by kissing his hair and letting him feel my warm breath against the side of his face.

“Let's go for a walk,” I muttered and straightened my shoulders back into an upright position, reaching for the pair of gloves onto my bedside table.

“No.”

He lifted his head and met my eyes. “No gloves, I mean.”

“Okay.” I nodded and we both rose to our feet. On our way out, I made a quick stop at the closet and grabbed one of Jubilee's jackets.

Logan grunted disapprovingly as he watched me put it on.
“Smells all wrong on you.”

“At least that'll distract you from the fact that it's yellow,” I replied with a small smile, receiving a short twitch of his lips in return.

We quietly made our way out of the Mansion and into the gardens. Even at night, without all the colors, they looked beautiful. Neither of us spoke for some time, we simply walked side by side, his gloved hand holding on to mine with almost desperate force.

“I'm sorry I was stupid before,” I broke the silence after a while. “I'm just...scared.”

“I know. Same here.”

“I'm trying to understand, and I guess some part of me does, but I don't want you to go.”

He didn't answer to that, which gave me a clue to what his reply would have been: He would go, regardless of what I wanted or what he really wanted.

We went over to sit on a bench that I had spotted – in fact, it was the very bench on which I had made the decision to leave the school because someone disguised as Bobby had told me to. The moment seemed so long ago, like from another lifetime.

Watching Logan stare into the silent gardens pensively, I wondered what it would be like not to know my past. Would I have dealt with my mutation better if I hadn't had any memories of a life without it? I certainly wouldn't mind losing a few of the happy memories, because they were the ones that hurt the most. Even though I was happy now; happier than I had been in a long time, looking back on the person I had once been still tore at my heart.

The real question was, if I didn't know, would I want to? I knew Logan desperately wanted to know all about his past and I would fulfill that wish all too gladly. But would it really make him feel better to know or would he start wishing he didn't?

The responsibility weighed heavily on my shoulders, but in the end it wasn't my decision to make. In fact, I should have told him right after the Professor had shown me how to access the hidden memories in my head, but somehow there hadn't been time. The day had been too short to hold all the things had happened. I would leave it up to him, I decided and took a deep breath, readying myself.

“Logan...when the Professor showed me how to unlock the stuff in my mind this morning, there was a reason.”

He looked at me expectantly, not moving.

“When I touched Sabretooth...I got some stuff about you. Apparently he knew you before you lost your memory. I'm not sure what it is because I haven't looked at it yet...that felt a little intrusive. All I remember is that it's from a long time ago and that you're in it.”

Logan ran his hand through his hair a couple of times, his expression unreadable.

“So I...could tell you. If you wanna know.”

He hesitated for a long time and suddenly laughed dryly, shaking his head. “It's strange, I've been trying to find out about my past all this time and now...”

“You're scared?” I asked softly.

“Yeah, don't tell Scott,” came the gruff reply.

“You sure? That'll be tough, I actually tell him about everything that happens in my life, he's no.1 on my speed dial.”

Logan smiled at my lame joke, but his mind was visibly preoccupied with other things.

“Okay, so let's do this, huh?” he said in a tight voice, taking one of my hands in his and interlacing our fingers. He was afraid, more so than I had expected. If only I'd known what was expecting us, I could have calmed him down a little. But I was as clueless and nervous as he was.

“I'm here. You're not doing this alone. And whatever we see...it won't change anything between us, okay? I'm here for you. Always.”

That was all I could do for him before I descended into the very back of my mind to unlock the secrets that Sabretooth's memories held.

It was like turning a key in a lock – that was the easy part that the Professor had shown me. He hadn't prepared me for the next thing that happened though. I felt like I was absorbing Sabretooth all over again. I had opened the flood gates and now his thoughts and memories rushed over me in a forceful wave, consuming all of me.

I must have screamed or kicked my legs or done something equally upsetting because I suddenly felt Logan's hands on my shoulders, squeezing them tightly and shaking me.

“Marie! Come back!”

“Huh...” I opened my eyes with a soft moan and everything was clear again.

Logan let out a deep breath and his hands dropped into my lap, holding mine again.

“Jeez, baby, you scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry.” I smiled weakly. “I'm fine. I was just a little overwhelmed for a sec.”

“If this is gonna hurt you or anything, then - ”

“It won't,” I cut him off softly. “I'm all good now. You ready?”

He nodded and I looked for an appropriate place to start in the bulk of memories that were by now controllably floating around my head.

“Your name is James,” I began. “James Howlett. You were born in the late 1830s.”

Logan looked at me in disbelief but didn't say anything.

“You were sick a lot as a kid...when you didn't have your powers yet. Your best friend was...oh my God...”
I paused, sorting through the images in my head as if they might change upon second viewing.

“What? Who was my friend?” Logan asked worriedly.

“His name used to be Victor Creed, but now he's - ”

“Sabretooth,” he choked out.

“Yeah...and he...was actually your brother...half-brother...you didn't know, but then his father came out and told you, after he killed the man you believed to be your father. You were about 8 or 9 years old. And you...”

I hesitated again, holding my breath before the rest of the words tumbled out.

“You killed your father. You didn't know, you didn't mean to...but you were so angry all of sudden and your claws came out for the first time and...you just....”

“Stop,” Logan breathed.

I stared at the ground, collecting myself. I was shocked and upset, seeing those images...but I would never be scared of Logan. I had already forgiven him anything he might have done in the past without knowing what it was. It didn't matter. Those things had happened a long time ago.

He would have a hard time believing that I didn't care what he or hadn't done; I could already see it on his face. He turned away when I tried to meet his eyes, probably expecting to see disgust.

“It's okay,” I whispered quietly.

“It's not...I was like that when I was 8 years old, Marie. That's...I'm not sure I wanna hear about the next 200 years.”

I lifted my hands to softly rub his shoulders, but he still didn't look at me.

“Do you want me to go on?” I asked after a while and he nodded silently, as I had expected. The feeling inside me was like the sick fascination with which people watch a traffic accident. It was horrible, yet you couldn't look away.

“You ran way with Victor. He looked out for you, taught you what you needed to know...you became soldiers.”

I forwarded through centuries of fights and battles, lining them up with the little historical knowledge I had.

“You were in the Civil War, both World Wars, Vietnam...you fought side by side, but Victor always felt like you were restraining him. He was violent, uncontrollable...you tried to hold him back, but it didn't always work. And still, despite your differences, you always had each other's back...”

I watched Logan's face for a reaction, but it was void of emotion. He was still staring to the ground, unable to look at me.

“One day, Victor killed one of your superiors...and you were executed, both of you. You survived because of your powers and I guess they didn't know what to do with you, so they just kept you in a cell for a while.
That's when this man named Stryker found you. He offered you to be part of a special team of mutants...you worked for him for a while. I'm not sure what exactly he did half of the time, Victor never asked or cared, but it wasn't pretty. Or legal, you know...and...I don't wanna...you probably don't wanna know any more about that anyway...”

The few images I had seen of the work they had done for Stryker were enough to make me skip forward through the rest, just like I had done with the wars.

Logan groaned and covered his face in his hands. I could tell he was disgusted with himself, more so by the minute. Yet I couldn't stop with the story, I had to get it all out while the strange indifference with which Victor viewed his violent tendencies still had me able to.

“After a while you left the group, because you didn't like their methods...you hear that, Logan? You left. You...Victor isn't sure about the first couple of years, but he knows that when he came back later on, you were living with this girl, in a cabin up in the Canadian Rockies and you had a regular job and all...I think you were really happy,” I finished encouragingly.

He raised his head to look at me, a dark expression in his eyes. “It doesn't end there, does it?”

“No,” I replied quietly. “But just remember that that kind of life was what you wanted. Not the fighting and the killing...you're not like Victor, you never were.”

“Tell me about the claws,” Logan said, ignoring my assurances.

“Well...it gets a little complicated here. Victor made you believe that he'd killed Kayla – that was your girlfriend's name – and you went after him. But...he's just as strong as you are, so you couldn't kill him.
Eventually, you let Stryker perform a procedure on you that gave you the adamantium, so that you'd be stronger than Victor. But Stryker wanted to erase your memory and use you as a weapon and you escaped...it was really the point of the procedure to turn you into Weapon X and to steal your powers for another project of his, Weapon XI...
...you fought against his people and talked to some of your old contacts to find out where his new lab was...Victor knew about all that but he wasn't actually there to see any of it.
The first time you met again was when you were talking to this guy, Gambit, who was the only one to ever escape from Stryker's facilities. You fought with Victor and almost killed him...Gambit interrupted the fight and he escaped. I guess Gambit took you to the island where Stryker had his labs...
...he held a lot of mutants there, performing experiments on them, much like the adamantium procedure. You found out that Victor and Stryker had been working together the entire time and that Stryker had promised Victor the same adamantium skeleton you have in return. But when he asked for it, Stryker said he wouldn't survive the procedure and refused to perform it on him.
You also found out then that Kayla wasn't really dead. She cooperated with them to safe her sister, who was one of the mutants that Stryker kept on the island.”

“So I let them give me the adamantium? To kill my brother, because I wanted to avenge the death of my girlfriend, who betrayed me.” Logan shook his head. “That's...I always thought it was something that someone had done to me...but I wanted it...”

He abruptly stepped up from the bench and started pacing back and forth in front of me.

“And now I'm stuck with these, no memories and Victor is still alive. That's just...that's ironic,” he spit out angrily.

“Logan...”
He flinched at the soft sound of my pleading voice.

“I don't deserve your sympathy...all the things that happened to me...it was all my fault, my decision. I'm a monster, Marie...”

“Logan, wait. You're not...you wanted it, yes, but they tricked you into it...I'm just gonna finish the story, okay?”

He didn't reply, but stopped walking around and stood very still, watching me intently.

“Kayla didn't really betray you. She only did it for her sister...you two set all the mutants free and saved them. You saved so many lives that night, Logan. And...Victor saved yours. Not out of noble motives, but he did. You were fighting the mutant with combined powers that Stryker had put together, Weapon XI...he was insanely powerful but you and Victor fought him together and killed him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened after, but according to Victor's knowledge of Stryker's plans, he must have shot you with adamantium bullets to erase all your memories.”

“And when I woke up, there was a dead woman lying on the beach and some guy with a helicopter...”

“Kayla and Gambit,” I whispered. “She must have gotten hurt while you were helping the prisoners escape...”

I got up and walked over to where Logan was standing; slowly, so I wouldn't startle him. I wasn't sure how he would react to anything right now, so I came to a halt a few feet away from him. He seemed profoundly disturbed by the missing parts of his life and I almost expected him to lash out at me if I touched him.

But – no, he would never do that, I reminded myself and crossed the remaining distance between us with a determined step, extending my arm and carefully placing my hand on his chest, over his heart. I looked up to him, meeting his pained eyes for only once second before he closed them.

I half-expected him to push me away or run from me, but instead his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into an embrace before I felt him bury his face against my shoulder, dry sobs shaking his body.

James Howlett.

I rolled the name around my head, feeling absolutely nothing for a short moment – which was a considerably brighter perspective than hate and disgust, but still nowhere near bearable.

My claws hadn't made me an animal, I had always been one on the inside and that didn't change. It seemed insane now, to believe that I had ever been anywhere near honorable, with morals and shit.
It was easier to see myself as some kind of victim, to hate others for turning me into a monster. True, I had never been too fond of myself either, but there had been hope.

Sure, I could go out and kill Stryker for what he had done to me, because the man wasn't exactly selflessness on legs one way or another, I could blame him as much as I blamed myself for tricking me into agreeing to the procedure. But it wouldn't change anything and certainly wouldn't make me much better of a man.

The worst thing to me was something that seemed insignificant at first, because Victor knew very little about the time: my years with Kayla. I had actually been a normal person for a while.

Apparently I'd had enough of the shit that Stryker and the others were pulling and decided to give normal a try. And yes, I could imagine that that would have made me very happy. It proved to me that it didn't always have to be violence or one adrenaline rush after another to satisfy me. But then they had taken it away again, pressed the right buttons to make me snap and turn me back into the fighting machine. It had happened once and it could happen again.

It already was happening again. Did killing people become less of a sin because I was on the “right side” now?
Would the satisfaction of tearing Victor's head off belong to the part of me that thirsted for revenge and needed to spill blood or would it be the reaction of some other part that actually cared about right and wrong?
To be honest, I really doubted the latter.

I tried to tell myself that, whatever the consequences, knowing about my life was still better than not knowing, even if it hurt at first. It hurt like hell, and not because I actually gave a shit about myself, but because of her.

Sweet little Marie, who hadn't turned away from me even after knowing everything; who had taken me into her arms and dragged hundreds of pounds of adamantium up the stairs and back into bed while I had been too dazed to think straight. Who had, even while she was telling me about the darkest details my life, tried to make me sound nobler than we both knew I was.

I remembered my very thoughts when I had found her in the train and how I had wanted to take some weight off her shoulders – and here I was, putting a few additional tons on it. It didn't seem fair.

My mind wandered to the girlfriend I'd had years ago...Kayla...I had failed at protecting her and she had died...of course there was the whole betrayal part as well, I noted bitterly. But in the end, she had died because I hadn't been able to take care of her properly during a fight; so it was my fault.

Now would really have been the time to pack my bags and leave, get out of Marie's life while I still could and spare her all the trouble she would have to go through because of me...the trouble she already was going through...

But I couldn't, of course I couldn't.

She was the one holding me this time, cradling my head in her arms and playing with my hair the way I usually did with hers. She was wearing gloves again, much to my dismay. Not because I didn't like it – in fact I thought they were sort of pretty on her – but because I didn't want her to feel caged in or something. But knowing that wearing them was merely an option and not mandatory around me, I felt like she didn't mind them so much.

Marie's fingers trailed down my face, along my jaw, then tracing the lines of my lips. We hadn't spoken since we had returned from the gardens, because neither of us knew what to say. But she did know exactly how to comfort me in the right ways with her touches and subtle looks.
She slid down and settled into a more comfortable position, our arms still tightly around each other. I needed her so much that it almost scared me, I realized suddenly.

Everyone would always assume that she was the one who depended on me – irresponsible as I might be – to protect her and save her, but that was only the physical part. Emotionally, she was the stronger, wiser one, who was there to catch my falls. And since I fell a lot...

Of course I needed her.

I clung to Marie's body with desperate strength, only slightly pulling my face back when she tried to kiss me. She really didn't need any of the shit that had been going on in my head today. She looked confused for a moment, but then understood and nodded disappointedly.
I couldn't leave her like this, not only for her sake, but also for mine; I needed her, more of her. She was my comfort, distraction, my angel; my home.

There were a million ways around her mutations, all we had to do was find something...oh well, the t-shirt would have to do. I yanked at the collar of my shirt, pulling it up until the lower half of my face was covered.

I caught a glimpse of her expectant smile before our lips met through the thin cotton, trying to get used to the foreign feeling and unpleasant taste of the fabric.

“Mhm no,” she muttered, breaking the kiss and pulling the most adorable face.

“Yeah: No,” I agreed with a small chuckle, caressing her bottom lip with my gloved fingers.

“It's okay, I can take it. And I'll try that control thing, too.”

Before I could protest, her lips touched mine again, tentatively, searchingly. There was a slow pull from her skin and maybe it was just my imagination, but it felt a little weaker than usually. She seemed to register the change too and took the opportunity to push my lips apart and determinedly plunge her tongue into my mouth. Feeling lightheaded from the draining sensation, I met her tender caress slowly, but with just as much enthusiasm.

She withdrew before the pain started settling in and took my face in both of her tiny hands, looking at me intently. I was half-expecting her to say something about what she had seen in my thoughts and the way my past lay on my conscience now, almost dreading the conversation. I really wasn't one to talk things out, especially difficult topics like this particular one.

But she just watched my face for a moment, before bringing her lips to mine again, keeping a tiny distance between them this time.

Her warm breath tickled and enticed me as her soft lips traveled over my face, brushing against my skin here and there, leaving a trail of tingling spots. Her hands let go of my face and traveled down my shoulders, coming to a rest on my upper arms as she pushed herself up, her face hovering above me.

She finished her exploration by my left ear, softly blowing on it while pressing her cheek against mine with the protection of my hair between us, and sending a shiver through my body.

“Mhhmm Marie,” I hummed, a little too pleased with the way that her face had dipped lower and that I now felt her breath against the side of my neck. Her tongue darted out and timidly gave my skin a small lick, then another.
Images were flashing through my mind and they had nothing to do with scientists or the World Wars anymore.
I was thinking about how easy it would be to grab her and roll us over, pin her beneath me, kiss her for all she was worth, press my body into hers to show her just how much I needed her and find out to how much bare skin on her part we could get until I'd pass out.

Shit. She hadn't even done anything much.

I shook my head and decided to attribute it to my current unstable mental state, ever so gently pushing her off me.
“What's wrong?” she muttered and her innocent, wide-eyed confused stare made an appearance.

“Nothin'. Just...we should get some sleep,” I argued lamely, seeing a hint of hurt creep onto her face as she fully rolled off me and lay down flat on her back.

“Hey, listen, darling...it's just that your comfort and distraction thing worked a little too well. And I don't want us to go too fast, especially not on a night like this, okay? I don't wanna end up pushing you into anything you're not ready for...coz I can get quite uh....demanding once you got me started,” I added with a small smile that she – thank goodness – returned. I might even have seen a tiny flash of a mischievous grin of her face, but blamed that on an overactive imagination too.

“I trust you,” Marie replied sincerely. “You won't hurt me.”

She had more faith in me than I could bear and it almost hurt to hear the evidence of it. How was she still capable of being so sweet and gentle with me and expecting nothing but the same from me after she had seen who I really was?

“Marie, I...”

I wanted to say something to her that I couldn't put in words, thank her for being there for me and tell her how important she was to me, how much it all meant.

While I still struggled for words, the look in her eyes told me I didn't need to tell her anything.

“I know,” she simply said. “I know.”

I was greeted with cheers when I snuck into my shared room in the early morning, my friends' jovial mood bringing a smile to my face.

“Thought you could fool us, huh? Sneak out and back in and we'd think you'd never been gone?” Jubilee teased me and I plopped down onto my bed with a laugh.

“I wasn't trying to fool you,” I replied innocently, my accent suddenly thicker than usually. “I got nothing to hide.”

Kitty giggled absently while she was looking through her closet in search of clothes for the day.

“You guys aren't gonna tell anyone though, right?” I asked, serious again. “I mean, it's not like we've been doing anything that...we shouldn't be...but I'm sure the teachers wouldn't like it if they knew I sleep in his room.”

“We won't tell,” Kitty replied reassuringly and finally seemed satisfied with the blue sweater she had pulled out of her wardrobe.

“That is, if you keep quiet about the juicy details of our love lives,” Jubilee retorted and received a snort from Kitty. “Like there even are any juicy details, Jubes.”

I listened to their happy banter while I picked out some clothes as well, resorting to the small drawer full of Jubilee's non-yellow things. I would have loved to wear some of Kitty's clothes, because they were a little less flashy than Jubilee's, but she was much shorter than me, so they wouldn't fit. I finally settled for a pair of blue jeans and a plain black t-shirt.

After the week I'd had so far, this seemed almost disturbingly normal. Trivial, even. With all my cursing of my mutation and wishing to be nothing but a regular girl, it had never occurred to me that in fact I didn't want normal, couldn't want it anymore. I had seen too much by now to go back to this. Moments like this one could keep me grounded while all the insanity of the world outside came crashing down, but they wouldn't be enough on their own.

I thought of Logan and the way he wanted to spare me from all the horrible things that were out there, protect me even from himself, but I was ready to face the things I needed to.

That didn't mean I didn't want to get rid of my mutation, or learn to control it at least, but it meant that I was prepared to act like an adult when I needed to. That I could save Logan in my very own ways, a little like I had last night. But didn't it also mean I could protect him when he needed it?

I had put myself into a lot of danger with my naïve attempt to fight Sabretooth, but if I thought things through and planned everything carefully, there must be a possibility to help him in the battle against Magneto....a plan started forming in the back of my head, thoughts racing and tripping over one another, chasing each other...no, I couldn't think about it.

I would see Logan at breakfast and he would know right away if anything was up...I took a couple of deep breaths and pushed my spiralling ideas into a corner of my mind. Later. Later. Later...

“Hurry up, girlfriend, we're late for breakfast,” Jubilee interrupted my train of thought and I quickly changed and brushed my hair, tying it into a loose ponytail.

I threw one last checking glance to the mirror and contently saw that the dark shadows under my eyes from staying up most of the night were completely gone. There was only soft, rosy skin – courtesy of Logan's superhealing, thanks very much.

I also wasn't feeling tired at all, which I noted with a strange feeling of euphoria mixed with guilt. I felt like I was cheating life just a tiny little bit, because looking and feeling well-rested after about three hours of sleep was a perk that none of the other girls would ever get to enjoy. But hey, there had to be some kind of upside to having killer skin.

Logan had convincingly explained to me that falling asleep in class on my first real day of school wouldn't exactly encourage my teachers to be easy on us and I had been forced to admit he had made a valuable point, so I had let him charge me up a little. Not that I minded the kiss that had come with that....I smiled to myself, following my friends down the stairs. This would definitely keep my mind occupied and distracted from any master plans for a while.


~x~


Breakfast came and went and I felt like there were less people staring at us than at dinner the night before. It might have been wishful thinking or it might have been the fact that I cared less than just twelve hours ago.

Logan seemed relatively okay, considering the revelations of the previous night and the touchy subject of the coming one. I had seen in his thoughts how he felt about fighting in tonight's battle and I sort of got it. Especially now that he knew more about himself, he felt guilty, like he constantly had to make up for something; mainly for me, which in turn made me feel guilty. We would have been the textbook example dysfunctional if we hadn't been so amazingly perfect together. This way, we were...well, intense. We burnt each other out but at the same time, we generated so much strength by just being together that we could stand that and much more.

“You got a free period or something?” Logan asked while walking me to my first class.

“Uh...no I don't think so.” I looked through the schedule I had put together for myself and shook my head. “I got my first four periods with Kitty, Jubes and the guys, then they all have Mechanics with Scott, which I decided to trade for French...then lunch, History with Storm and Bio with Jean...and then I'm meeting Professor Xavier for my first session of practicing control. So for the next...8 hours, I'll only see you during lunch.”

I let out a frustrated sigh that mirrored Logan's facial expression. We hadn't been separated for a longer period of time than a couple of hours in the past few days and even that had felt strange.

“Ya wanna ask Fire and Ice over there how they do the whole separation thing? Coz I just might steal you from class a couple times today, which is even slightly less productive than having you fall asleep in there...”

“I think we'll just get used to it,” I replied unconvincingly.

We arrived in front of my Math room (I could think of very few worse ways of starting the day than Math) and I hugged Logan tightly before waving a quick goodbye to him and disappearing into the classroom. We were both more or less calm, but I knew he felt the same anxiety beginning to rise that I did because of the mission tonight...it seemed useless to spend the bigger part of the day in class when something might happen to him tonight...I swallowed hard and pushed the thought aside. Nothing would happen to Logan...I would make sure of that.

I nervously tugged my gloves into place while thinking about the idea that had popped up in my head this morning. What was to keep me from going to Liberty Island tonight and give the X-Men a bit of an advantage? Okay, so common sense and self-preservation might spring to mind. But ignoring that for a moment and considering the possibilities within the realm of realistic, I could be quite useful in this particular fight.

They could use me as bait to distract Magneto. They could have me absorb his powers and use them against him instead of powering the machine. They could do so many things with me that none of them considered because I was just a kid, one of the fragile little creatures that needed to be protected rather than dragged onto the battlefield. And while some part of me didn't mind staying home and letting others save the world, a more predominant part told me that it was my turn to keep Logan safe tonight.

Of course I couldn't just dash into a strategy meeting and generously offer my services to the X-Men, because they wouldn't let me go. I would have to be smarter than that...I would have to go in on my own without anyone noticing and make a surprise appearance. But I couldn't just run into the enemy's arms blindly and all alone...


~x~


The classroom had filled up by now and I took a look around. What I needed was most likely a partner in crime with powers I could absorb, or maybe someone who could get me to Liberty Island in the first place...but I couldn't ask that of anyone, could I? It was one thing to borrow Logan's powers, but a whole other story to drain someone who didn't heal as fast as he did.

John sat down behind the desk between Kitty's and mine and I took my chance when he nodded a greeting to me.
“John,” I whispered, leaning in so that nobody could overhear our conversation. “I need your help.”

“Sure, what for?” he replied casually.

“Uhm...I need to get to Liberty Island tonight. And I have to fight Magneto.”

John looked at me with furrowed brows. “And why in the world would you wanna do that? Don't get me wrong, I'm always up for a good fight, but this is sort of a big deal. Real danger and all.”

“I know,” I muttered, staring at my hands. “But...John, what would you do if Bobby was gonna be out there and - ” My voice broke as I felt his eyes pierce into me.

“They're sending Logan out on a mission against Magneto?”
I nodded silently and John shook his head. “That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.”

“Everyone's going, Mr. Summers, Storm, Dr. Grey...and there's this guy, Sabretooth, and apparently Logan is the only one who can take him, but...I'm just so scared...”

“So you wanna go up against Magneto to protect Logan from him...”

“It is a stupid idea,” I admitted in a small voice. “But I have to do it.”

“Yeah, I know.” John nodded thoughtfully. “We're in.”

“We?”

“Bobby and I.”

I looked at him in doubt. “Bobby? Really?”

“He'll understand. Believe me.”

Though I knew how Bobby felt about Logan, I trusted John's judgment.

“I...I don't know what to say. This means a lot, John. And I feel like I'm using you - ”

“Oh, shut up. I'm dying for some action. And Bobby...well, it'll be a nice change for him, he doesn't get out much.” He winked at me and sat back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head, looking perfectly at ease. “Besides, I've never seen the Statue of Liberty.”

“Last ferry leaves at 5,” I told him in my best tour guide voice, surprised that I even still remembered that information from a field trip to New York City over a year ago.

I mentally went through my mission step by step.
We would need to get down to the City, I would have to come up with a convincing excuse for missing my first session with the Professor and I wouldn't be able to spend any time with Logan before the big fight. I hated that thought. But maybe it was better that way...the more time I spent with him, the more likely it was for him to notice that something was up.

I didn't really waste any thoughts on our way back home, assuming that the teachers wouldn't be too angry to deny us a ride back on the Jet and carefully avoiding the possibility of not needing a ride home.