‘Can't stop thinkin musta been trippin this evening
My mind is racing demons and all of my feelings are numb
Yeah and when I roll with my head in the wind
And I feel like the king of the
Dead men wishin they had gotten together with you girl
But you're a dirty little liar with a message of obsession to come
Can't stop drinking I'm cold, kicking and bleeding…’-Dirty Little Thing- Velvet Revolver
Part 28-‘You Kill Me, And You Better Believe I’m Bitter…’
He spluttered against the liquid filling his lungs, burning the back of his throat, he thrashed wildly against chains that held him, the cage and water rocking with his efforts. He heard them snap, one of his arms breaking free; he heard alarms blare as he ripped the rest of his limbs from the chains holding him.
He rose like a behemoth from those waters, spraying liquid everywhere as he shook his head and growled, the rambling from deep within his chest shook the walls, as he lashed wildly at everything that moved. His swipes proved deadly as the shadows around him disappeared as quickly as they had come.
Struggling to pull himself out of the tank, his skeleton feeling like a dead weight he hurried along the empty dark corridors, smeared with the sticky red of blood, he felt the sensation crawl over his skin, cold and damp, the taste of blood hanging about every inch of him.
The sound of sharp metal caught his ears as he stopped and brought his aching hands up to his face, his anguished roar reverberated as his sight met that of the razor sharp blades hanging between his knuckles, the skin that was sliced open to accommodate them screamed in pain, he watched the blood coat the metal, but still it shone with a perverseness that was almost sickening.
Dragging his feet forward once more he headed for what he could only pray was a way out, a sharp chink of light at the end of the corridor beckoned him and he stumbled forward blindly. Grasping what appeared to be a handle he wrenched the door open, and was forced to cover his eyes with the back of his arms, the sudden harsh light causing pinpricks in the back of his eyes.
He blinked away the blurriness and stepped forward again, only to be stopped by a shadow that stood directly in front of him, it stepped forward and he thought he recognised the hair, the two-tone streaks, distinctive to only one girl.
But it couldn’t be, not her.
She stood in front of him and smiled, a cruel, empty smile reaching up she kissed him softly on the lips, before he felt her plunge her hands into the pit of his stomach, he felt his lungs collapse, cold metal wrapping around the vein of his heart and squeezing tight, and all the time she kept on smiling.
‘Logan…’ she whispered, ‘Logan…’ louder this time, until she practically shouted ‘LOGAN….!’
He awoke with a start only to find something, someone straddling him and shaking him awake, growling loudly he grabbed at it and turning over pinned it beneath him. His claws shot out in an instant, holding them firmly to the neck of his assailant.
Breathing heavily, he watched as his every breath caused the short tufts of her hair to billow, staring waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light, his feral gaze at last caught her eyes, chocolate brown and burning, he stared down at Marie as she stared up at him.
‘Same dream…?’ she asked him quietly, she was wearing nothing but her shirt and panties, he had nothing on but the jeans he had gone to sleep in, his skin damp from perspiration it stuck to her shirt from where their bodies met. Smiling wickedly she adjusted and wrapped her long bare legs around his waist, he moaned softly.
But he remembered the girl in his dreams, the image coming to the fore he growled loudly at her, before reaching down and pushing her legs away, he rolled away from her, ‘Yeah…’ he muttered, ‘same dream.’
She leaned up against him once more, running her good hand down the length of his back, and wrapped it around his waist, ‘think ah could kiss it better?’ she whispered in his ear, kissing his neck softly as she did so.
He shut his eyes tightly, fought the desire that coursed through him, and saw that soft smile all over again, the one right before she had plunged her hands into his chest and bled him dry. It was easier to push her away then, taking her arm and pushing her away he turned his back on her, ‘Go back to sleep Marie.’
He spoke defiantly; she smiled and shook her head, but climbed back into the bed all the same, ‘let me know if ya change your mind,’ she promised him, her eyes glinting in the dark.
Logan didn’t answer, his mind was racing, ‘yep, same dream,’ he thought, ‘just one big difference, this time around you kill me.’
It would have been impossible for either of them to sleep, round about four that morning she heard him get up, pull on his shirt and jacket and head out of the door. Pushing the bed sheets away she stood by the window as she heard him start up the bike and disappear out of the Academy grounds.
Her eyes shifted over to a small memorial situated prominently in the middle of the grounds, and the three headstones that stood there. She remembered the grief, the mourning, sat listening to the tears and muffled sobs of those around her, as they said their final goodbyes to their mentors, leaders and friends.
The Professor’s funeral had been first, and it had been such a beautiful day, shining bright, the sun had warmed them all even as doubt for the future hung in the head and heart of every single one of them. An immense change had been coming, they had heard about Scott’s disappearance, Jean’s deception and now, here they sat burying what had been the cornerstone of their school, the head of their unique family, Professor Xavier.
Marie remembered it perfectly, remembered tugging at her gloves, looking up as Storm gave her obituary, recalling her words as she’d shot down the idea of the cure. She’d reached for Bobby’s hand then, seeking something solid, something assured and wondering how it would feel to touch his skin.
His skin, her eyes drifted as she looked up at the window of his room, she saw Logan standing there, looking down at her, meeting her gaze briefly, his expression solid and unmoving, she had shut her eyes and looked away then, and when she searched for him again in the window he was gone.
And he stayed gone for the longest while, had kept away when they had buried Jean, and when they had erected a simple headstone next to hers for Scott. And when he finally did come back his return hadn’t been a major event, not even for her. By the time he had returned the school had reformed back into a state of comfortable numbness, each of them telling themselves they’d be ok.
Marie turned away from the window now, a heavy sigh escaping her before she could stop it, pulling on her skirt she left the room and moved softly down the stairs, making her way barefoot across the cool grass to stand in front of the memorial, crossing her good arm over her chest, hugging herself tightly she simply stood staring as she had been doing moments before in the window.
It was too dark to make out the words, but she didn’t need to read to understand, the graves had come to mean so much for all of them, and those months after their deaths she had never felt more alone, as everything had changed for her. She had taken the cure, thinking then naively that things would change only for the better, Bobby would love her more, she’d fit in at last, and she’d enjoy living the teenage life she’d always craved.
Only nothing ever works out they we hope, and Marie, she ended up more disappointed than most, broken and praying for just a little faith. She stared at the graves, and felt her throat closing up, her chest constricting as a heavy weight threatened to crush her from the inside out.
Slowly, ever so slowly after the cure she had become aware of the feelings in her that were dying, nothing felt, tasted or even smelt the same, and even in the middle of this school with its hundreds of different students she’d felt wrong, now even more so than before.
And finally, after coming back from the clinic, finding Bobby with Kitty, finding no one had really missed her, even though she’d been gone for most of that day, and realising she couldn’t feel it. Not anger, not hate, nothing…there was nothing there, just a huge void where every other sensation was supposed to be.
Then there had been Logan, the one she’d turned to help fill that void but he’d let her down as well, and that’s when she’d decided it was time to leave. For the past few months it had been like holding back a tidal wave of self doubt that wasn’t helped by the way the other mutant kids stared at her, the whispers, and the hushed conversations that began as soon as she left a room, or stopped just as soon as she entered, like she’d broken some kind of unspoken mutant code, thou shalt not decide your own future.
So in the end leaving had been one of the easiest decisions of her life and she had not regretted a minute of it. She had never felt like she’d fit in, and they’d never done anything to convince her otherwise, but out there alone and cured, she had made the choices, chose the people she wanted to fit in with, even if that had been the cheap ass bars she’d found herself working in.
‘Do you miss them…?’ the voice behind her caught her by surprise, Marie looked around quickly, she hadn’t even realised how long she’d been stood there, now the first light of the morning had appeared on the horizon. She met the soft gaze of Storm and first staring at her a while moved at last to walk past her.
‘No…’ she replied quietly, ‘not really.’ Ms Monroe probably knew she was lying, because she smiled all the same, standing where Marie had been stood, ‘everything changes…isn’t that right Marie?’ she called out after her.
Marie stopped and looked back up at the mansion, her voice harder now, ‘and sometimes nothing changes. My being here is still causing ya problems, and ya still can’t look me in the eye…’
She saw Storm’s shoulders sag, her words cutting straight to the truth, it was Ms Monroe who had been most vocal against the cure, it was her behaviour, her attitude that the other mutant kids looked to as an example, perhaps if she had been kinder, the others would have fallen in line as well.
And then, perhaps Marie wouldn’t have felt so alone in a school full of hundreds of people.
Marie stepped forward before she relented just a little, ‘Ah meant to say thanks…’ Storm turned slightly to look at her, ‘for the clothes.’ And there was Storm’s gentle smile again, a Goddess perhaps all too aware of her own sins, she shook her head before turning back to the memorial, ‘Logan…’ she spoke softly.
‘What?’ Marie asked, not quite sure she had heard properly.
‘It was Logan…after you’d gone he took everything you left behind and put it in storage, clothes, make-up, jewellery,’ she laughed gently, ‘funny it’s the most careful I’ve ever seen him be with anything, he folded everything up, packed it all neatly in a box and sealed it away on the top shelf of his closet. And he made sure everybody knew, that was Marie’s stuff, Marie’s shelf…and that nobody had better touch it, almost as if…’she hesitated, her voice shaking slightly, ‘it was almost as if…’
‘As if ah’d died…’ Marie finished for her; Storm nodded and wrapped her arms around herself as Marie walked back into the mansion.
She sat in the kitchen for the next few hours waiting for the rest of the house to wake up, sitting at the counter nursing a huge mug of coffee and only regretting she couldn’t find a single drop of scotch to add to it, she smiled widely at the first person to enter the kitchen that morning, Bobby.
‘Let the games begin…’ Marie heard them awaken and was glad for it; she had been getting awful lonely these past few hours.
‘Hey Bobby…’ she called out to him cheerfully, whilst he shifted from one foot to the other nervously, ‘the coffee’s fresh.’ She nodded at her cup inviting him to join her. For the longest while he simply stared, as if she hadn’t suddenly reappeared back at the mansion late last night, but had simply materialised that very morning and was now sat at a very familiar kitchen counter.
Eventually pouring himself a coffee he came to sit opposite her, his eyes roamed over her now shorter cut hair, down to the half buttoned shirt and towards her long bare legs. She caught his gaze and smiled, he took a long swig of his coffee, ‘Look Marie…I’m sorry for the way things ended up between us, I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, the way I acted was…’
‘Real shitty, like a complete asshole, a desperate horny, couldn’t-keep-it-in-his pants bastard…?’ she answered for him helpfully. He nodded, ‘yeah, I never meant to hurt you.’
‘Forget it,’ she got up and taking her coffee with her went to sit closer to him, so close their knees almost touching, she leant in to him, the top of her shirt straining and spoke sweetly, ‘it’s water under a very old bridge Bobby.’
Brushing her fingers across his fingers, and trailing her hand up his arm, she stood up and leant in close to whisper in his ear, ‘Ya know ah kinda missed this place, and some o’ the people in it, ‘cause ya know its true what they say, ya don’t know what ya got ‘til it’s gone…’
Her lips were almost touching his ear now, ‘D’ya have any idea what ya got Bobby?’ She smiled as she heard him swallow loudly; her finger continued trailing over his arm and along his shoulder blades, as she moved to leave the kitchen she came face to face with a still yawning Kitty.
Laughing slightly, at the surprised look on her face as she stared first at Marie and then Bobby, she called out playfully, ‘see ya round Bobby.’
Balancing precariously on the chair she reached for the sealed box on the top shelf of Logan’s closet, stretching out on tip-toe she pulled it closer to the edge of the wood aiming to grasp it but before she could the box fell to the floor, one of its sides tearing open and the contents spilling out.
It really was true; he had packed away everything she’d left behind, her clothes, the long sleeved shirts she’d never consider wearing again, the small earrings he’d given her for one of her birthdays and a number of other things. Climbing down from the chair, she simply stared; she’d promised him she’d leave for good, that night in this room. Her gaze naturally fell on the brown leather chair in the opposite corner, the place she’d sat as she’d spilled her guts out to him, wanting, aching for him to fix it for her.
And that table where he’d stood and she’d kissed him, this room, all those memories, and she couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he’d simply given her what she wanted, if he hadn’t been such a coward and let himself feel everything she already knew he felt for her.
‘Whatever happened to not gettin’ attached again kid?’
‘Just a bit of history,’ she smiled, reassuring them, ‘don’t ya know it’s good for the soul, saves ya from makin’ the same mistakes again…’ she felt them approve.
The room door was pushed open and she saw Logan step into the room, his clothes smelled of beer, cigars and cheap perfume. She stared at him as he went to lay flat out on the bed, ‘well ain’t that nice, ya go out and have all the fun, while ah’m up half the night all alone tossin’ and turnin’, she laughed as he gave her the finger, ‘fuck off Marie.’
Banging the door loudly as she left, she stared at Logan’s closed door and smiled, yep there was nothing like history to save ya from making the same mistakes again.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
She stood in front of him and smiled, a cruel, empty smile reaching up she kissed him softly on the lips, before he felt her plunge her hands into the pit of his stomach, he felt his lungs collapse, cold metal wrapping around the vein of his heart and squeezing tight, and all the time she kept on smiling.