Part 3- ‘Long Time Dead…’
‘I can’t do this anymore, it’s killin’ me. I can’t it hurts too much, this touch and every other touch is killin’ me.’
She hadn’t been able to sleep, for another night she couldn’t sleep but tonight she hadn’t even bothered trying. She’d spent the day in the city losing herself amongst people, just walking the streets, looking like them, talking, walking like them, but feeling…feeling nothing.
That’s what’s killing me.
She’d got back to the academy late, scaled the wall almost been caught out by the security system only to get to her room and find Bobby fucking on her bed, fucking sweet, innocent little Kitty. Only from the angle Marie was getting, she wasn’t looking all that innocent, and Bobby certainly didn’t look like he was gonna be complaining.
They hadn’t heard her open the door and she’d left them to it, without a word, without a scene, just closed the door and walked away.
It was only later when she’d been sat on the academy building steps, when she’d heard his bike roar in, when he stood above her the scent of her cheap perfume still lingering on him that she got angry.
How’d ya do it, how’d ya live with fuckin’ and feelin’ nothin’?
He’d almost walked past her, just another step and he’d have been home and dry, but he was kidding himself, he’d never be able to walk past her, not when she’s looking like that, all lost.
Add that to the fact that she’s drinking his beer, the beer Storm insisted he hid in the back of the fridge, buried underneath all the healthy green stuff, ‘cause as she’d said if there’s one thing teenagers won’t go near it’s the green stuff. He had to smile when she’d laid down that law, with all these powers these kids have she was worried ‘bout them becoming raging alcoholics?
Still, he sat down next to her and knew at once the tension in her was screaming out for release. The sensation unnerved him a little, thinking of Marie and release was not a good idea, not with her sat so close.
‘Hey kid, ah’m gonna pretend that ain’t my beer you’re drinkin’…’ he stated gruffly staring out across the lawn.
Marie raised the bottle and smiled at him, ‘great, meanwhile ah’ll pretend ah actually give a shit.’
He smiled and said nothing, simply rested back on the step and waited, she’d talk when she was good and ready.
Marie turned to look at him at last, ‘No need to ask how you’re night went then, ah can still smell her on ya.’ She said that with a snarl that got his attention. ‘Wanna know what my day was like?’ She didn’t wait for him to reply. ‘Ah’m gonna tell ya anyway.’
She took a quick swig of the beer, some of the liquid dribbling on her chin she brushed it away with the back of her hand, and Logan began to wonder how much she’d had.
‘Ah spent the whole day in the city, not that anyone here noticed ah was gone, kinda fade into the background these days. Got back to find my so-called boyfriend screwing another girl on my bed…’ She sighed and emptying the bottle down her throat threw it across the lawn, it landed with a heavy thud on the freshly mowed grass.
Logan wasn’t sure he’d heard right, Bobby was what? He clenched his fists and growled fiercely. He looked closely at her, oddly she was smiling, before the smile faded and the tears began to well in her eyes. She began to shake; he could do nothing, say nothing except put his arm about hr shoulder.
She leaned heavily into him, ‘What’s the matter with me Logan?’
‘Nothin’ ain’t nothin’ the matter with you kid, it’s that ice-prick who needs to be taught a lesson, give me a couple hours with him in the Danger Room…’
Marie looked up at him, ‘No, it ain’t that. Why can’t ah feel it Logan, what the hell’s the matter with me, for fuck’s sake Logan…ah can’t feel it.’
She pushed him away and standing up began to scrape her fingernails down her bare arms causing deep scratches, marks and welts. In a few places she even drew blood.
Logan stared at her, before taking both her hands forcefully and stopping her from hurting herself further, convinced she’d finally lost it. ‘Marie, what are you doin’, stop it…just STOP!’
He gathered her in her arms pressing her tightly against his chest, her erratic heartbeat slammed louder and louder in his ears. She wrapped her arms about his neck and buried her head in his shoulder.
‘Ya gotta help me Logan…ah’m dying, this is killin’ me…’ Her short hurried whisper had him scared to death.
He’d sat her in the big leather chair opposite his bed, and was stood himself by the table holding a large whiskey in his hand, he’d offered her a coffee, but she’d refused saying she was sober enough by now. Logan couldn’t help but wonder if her ability to hold her drink had something to do with the bits of him she had in her head. She was only small, a lightweight, the beers he was sure she’d had ought to have knocked her for six by now, but she was sober alright.
Her knees drawn to her chest, looking more tired and jaded than he’d seen her in a long time, not that he’d be the best judge of that, he hadn’t been around long enough to check in on her, make sure she was doing okay, make sure the ice-prick was looking after her.
Truth was it just hurt too damn much, too many memories at the academy, too many chances to fall apart, a lot like she had now. 'You selfish bastard Logan,' he thought,'and you were the guy who’d told her he’d look after her, job-fuckin’ well done.'
Marie stared at her feet the longest while before she at last began talking again, ‘Ah went back to the clinic, ah wanted them to check, make sure they’d given me the right dose ya know. But they wouldn’t, said it was a standard dose, must be ya they said, ain’t nothin’ wrong our end.’
She stood up and walked to the window, ‘Ah knew they were right, couldn’t help it though, ah wanted them to fix it…, fix me.’
‘Marie…,’ Logan placed the glass on the table and took a step toward her, ‘said it before, darlin’ ain’t nothin’ the matter with you.’
‘No?’ She turned back to look at him, ‘Ya wanna know what ah did, when ah saw them together on my bed, Bobby and Kitty? Nothin’, ah did nothin’ just closed the door and walked away, caught him rutting like a dog on heat and ah just left them to it.’
She came to stand next to him, ‘Ah should have kneed him in the balls and scratched her eyes out, but there was nothin’ there…’ she placed a hand above her heart. ‘Ah couldn’t feel it, three years of callin’ him my boyfriend and over a year of fuckin’ him Logan, and ah felt nothin’…seein’ him with somebody else meant nothin’…’
She looked at him, ‘So what’s the point Logan, what’s the fuckin’ point if none of it means anything?’
He shrugged, ‘So you don’t care if he’s with someone else, that don’t mean somethin's wrong with you Marie.’
She smiled strangely at him then, ‘Could ya do it? Could ya live without him inside, without him twisting in your gut, without him whispering in your ear, so even when you’re in the middle of nowhere ya know you’re not alone, not really alone…could you that Logan?’ He knew then she meant Wolverine.
Logan looked at her intently, the year through he had not heard Marie mention the other part of her once, the part she’d given up, the part she’d cured. ‘Marie, are ya talkin’ ‘bout Rogue…?’
Marie caught his look and shook her head, ‘No regrets Logan, but guess ah just miss her now and again.’
She was stood by his shoulder now and reaching behind him she took up the glass of whiskey. He grabbed her arm before she could throw the liquid down her neck; she sighed and reluctantly put the glass back down.
But she didn’t move from where she stood, instead she took her hand and ran it up his arm, first intertwining her fingers in his before brushing it gently over the back of his hand, along the forearm and around his biceps coming to rest finally at his shoulder.
She kept her hand there, meeting his intense gaze with her own, ‘there’s gotta be a secret to it, right Logan? Some sort of trick…’ She snaked her hand across his shoulder blade and around to the back of his neck, ‘somethin’ ah’m missing.’
Marie pressed closer to him, her words brushed across his throat, every breath racking up the tension in his body, he recognized the low rumble starting in his chest and working its way lower. She was so fuckin’ close, so dangerously close.
She gently placed a finger on his bottom lip, tracing the lines there she used the slightest of touches to work along the stubble of his jaw, down to the chin, pausing ever so slightly against the Adam’s apple of his neck, blowing a gentle breath there, before she continued exploring, down to the muscles of his chest, every rib and every contour.
And all the while Logan held his breath, watching her work, all the time pushing the Wolverine in him down, vainly attempting to bury the urges that made him wanna grab her by the arms and take her to the bed and mark her in every way, bite her and scratch her, possess her in every way.
Marie knew what she was doin’ to him, she knew the dangerous game she played, but she was tired of waiting, tired of lookin’ for answers, she needed him. ‘Ah know ya can make me feel it Logan..., make me feel it.’
She whispered gently as she began to work on the buttons of his shirt, for all his strength at that moment Logan seemed powerless to stop her. ‘Ah’ve known Logan, since ya touched me on Liberty Island, ya gave me all of ya that day, and ah know…ah know ya want me.’
And before he knew it she was on her knees before him, tackling the heavy buckle of his belt, it was only until he got to the top button of his jeans that he thought to stop her. He grabbed her by the arms roughly and pulled her to her feet before pushing her away.
‘Marie…for fuck’s sake stop,’ he snarled at her furiously passing a tired hand through his hair.
But she reached for him again, and this time she kissed him. Hard and fast, pressing her mouth firmly against his he couldn’t help but open up to her, as her warm tongue swept across his teeth. She tasted of beer and warm ginger, and she was heaven and hell and everything in between and it was the saltiness of her tears mingled with sweetness of her lips that made him push her away a second time.
She brushed the tears away hurriedly, eager to get back to kissing him, but Logan just shook his head. ‘Ya don’t need this Marie, trust me ah ain’t the answer you’re lookin’ for.’
‘Come on Logan, are ya tellin’ me ah got it wrong,’ she stepped closer to him, looked up at him with those big brown eyes, so full of wanting and need, and Logan froze. They were innocent eyes, but they’d seen things and endured nightmares no-one so young should have to face.
But they were his nightmares and Magneto’s mixed up with horrors of her own, her mutancy was cured but they hadn’t taken away the fear, the pain of a girl aged beyond her years. And that’s what she is Logan; he reminded himself, a girl, an 18 year old girl.
‘Logan, tell me ya don’t want me…’ she asked him again, the pain in her voice clear.
He looked at her at last, and he called up Wolverine, all his viciousness, all his cold sacrificial nature to speak as harshly to her as possible, ‘No ah don’t want you Marie, ah don’t need you to complicate this, can’t you see how fucked up this is already. What do you want from me? Do you want me to save you, ah can’t make you feel it, ah can’t make you feel nothin’, most of the time ah’m barely alive myself.’
‘Ah can’t save you, and ah’m tired of lookin’ after you Marie. You’re a lost little girl, and you always will be, you got what you said you always wanted, the cure, so get the fuck out there and live a life. And stop lookin’ to me for all the answers…ah don’t need this Marie, and ah don’t need you…’
She could only stare at him, and then even as he was looking at her something snapped, something hardened and a light he had never before noticed went out. She smiled slightly, ‘for all your invincibility Logan, you’re still the biggest fuckin coward ah know…’
She walked out the door and never looked back.
Marie gritted her teeth and practically stomped her way to her room, something had hardened alright, and she’d finally realised it was time to take control. My life Logan, damn right, time to look after myself.
She flung the door open of her room, and flicked on the light switch, Bobby and Kitty were still at it. The rustling from the sheets turned into a panicked scramble as they realised they had been caught out.
Bobby jumped out of the bed first, ‘God Marie, ah’m so sorry, ah don’t know what to say…’ he made a grab for his pants.
Marie ignored them both as she reached under her bed for her duffel bag, and began to cram it full of clothes. He was still making some sort of excuse when she’d finished and was heading out the door, she turned back to look at them at last.
They were by this time both only half dressed, approaching Bobby she smiled, ‘don’t believe what she tells you,’ Marie nodded towards Kitty, ‘size does matter and honey you came up short every time.’
She said all this even as she raised her leg and kneed him viciously; he went down like a sack of potatoes. ‘And baby, ya should know ah faked it… every single damn time…’
‘Last chance Logan…’ she stopped at his closed door, she always knew he was never gonna open it. Reaching up, she took the metal dogs hanging around her neck and tugging them forcefully broke the clasp. She dropped them to the floor and walked down the corridor, out of the door and into the night.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
So in how many ways can a girl be broken? Poor Marie, but at least by the end of this she finds some resolve...