Part 4- ‘Lost Little Girl All Grown Up…’
How the hell had it ever come to this? When had it become so fucked up he was throwing a bag into the back of his truck and walking away without so much as looking back. Like Marie, walk away without looking back.
It had been a bad day, they were all bad days.
He’d made a mistake, goin’ after the boy like that but he hadn’t been able to hold back, Wolverine was not known for his self-control. Still leaving him a bloody mess had not been the wisest move, it had taken three of them to pull him off Bobby and it had taken a helluva thunderbolt from Ororo to finally bring him to his senses.
He’d checked in on the boy resting in the infirmary before he’d started packing, no major damage done, but he knew it could have been a different story, he could have easily killed him. It had been a month since Marie had left, and to him it seemed Bobby was enjoying himself too much. He’d moved on remarkably quickly, moved on to that girl Marie had caught him with.
It was his own guilt that Logan was struggling with, but he found his blood boil every time he saw the ice-prick neckin’ with his new girlfriend. He’d taken it out on him, every sensation of guilt, every bit of remorse, every fucked up thought he’d had since she’d left.
It had been a really bad day.
‘It’s not your fault Logan…,’ her soft voice drifted over from the garage doors, ‘it’s not your fault that she left.’
He swore she had to be just a little bit psychic the way she always picked up on what everyone was thinking. He’d asked her about that once but she’d just smiled and said her powers involved the elements, all about noticing the slightest shift in the air, people were the same she’d said, like the weather it was all about looking for the signs.
Logan sighed and his shoulders slumped forward, ‘She asked me for help you know, just before she left, she wanted me to…help.’ Logan shook his head and turned to look at Ororo, ‘but I couldn’t…I wouldn’t.’
She smiled sadly, ‘We have all suffered this past year, lost good friends,’ her voice shook slightly as she spoke, ‘and in our grief I suppose we overlooked Marie. You are not the only one to blame Logan, I…I suspect I was unkind to her also. Some sense of betrayal perhaps that she had taken the cure, and then I busied myself with the running of the school, I did not give her the time she needed.’
Logan nodded, understanding Ororo’s feelings of guilt completely, ‘She said she was dying…inside I mean, ain’t nothin’ there she said.’ He jabbed a finger to his chest.
Make me feel it Logan…make me feel it. He shut his eyes against the words that haunted him, had haunted him since the night she had spoken them and every night since.
Ororo stood before him, placing a hand on his arm she consoled him gently.
‘All her life, since touch became to signify intimacy, all she had ever to associate the sensation with was pain and death. The first boy she ever kissed is still in a coma, she has the lives of more than one racing away in her mind, pain and death not only her own but of others.’
Logan stared at Ororo’s hand, ‘it ought to have been as easy as this for her, after the cure, it ought to have been as easy, it was the least she deserved.’ He growled angrily, not at her but at the fucked-up situation altogether, at the thought of a girl, broken and suffering.
‘Yes Logan, it is the least she deserved, but Marie gave up a part of herself when she took the cure, a part she hated yes, a part that caused her suffering but it was a significant part all the same. Perhaps she is lost without it, I cannot know, but I only wish I had made more of an effort to reach out to her.’
Logan nodded, ‘She said she had no regrets but she missed her, missed Rogue.’
Ororo sighed, ‘Are you going to look for her?’ She was slightly surprised by Logan shaking his head, she’d always thought he’d go after her as he had done when Marie had run away that first time; he’d gone after her then hell-bent on finding her, saving her.
‘No, Marie kinda told me where to get off the last time we spoke, she won’t be goin’ anywhere I’ll be able to find her.’
She smiled up at him once more. ‘So you’re leaving because of the itch under your claws?’ It was a pained smile, another one leaving, another friend lost.
He nodded, ‘Can’t stay ‘ere, not anymore, too dangerous…for everybody else that is. Been too quick to lose my temper lately, ain’t a good thing, not around a house full of kids.’
‘We’ll miss you Logan, all of us, I cannot persuade you to stay?’ She shook her head along with him always knowing what his answer would be.
‘Sorry, guess I’m in the habit of letting people down. I know you’re gonna have you hands full with all this, but I’m out…’ Logan looked at her and shrugged his shoulders.
‘I know Logan, I can’t say you’re presence here over the year hasn’t been felt, but you need not feel guilty, about this place at least. Dr Hank McCoy called a few days ago, he’s agreed to take up a position here. And there’s Kurt of course…and some of the older students have agreed to take on responsibilities. The load will be shared, burdens are best resolved that way Logan, I hope you remember that.’
Logan laughed a little at that, ‘maybe, but you know I was never one for sharing… or responsibility.’
She reached up and hugged him fiercely, ‘I will miss you Logan, remember there will always be a place for you here, Marie as well, if you find her.’
He nodded, ‘Tell the kid I’m sorry, ‘bout hurtin’ him.’
Ororo smiled reassuringly at him, ‘I’m sure he knows Logan.’
He nodded his goodbye and was about to climb into his truck when she called out to him again.
Ororo suddenly pressed his arm tightly, she sighed deeply and reaching inside her coat pocket brought out a metal object. She held it by the clasp and let it spin round; they were his dog tags, the ones he’d given to Marie.
He stared at them in shock, he had no idea she’d left them behind, he’d always assumed she’d wear them, always figured she’d have a part of him wherever she went.
‘Ah’ll look after ya kid, these tags are a promise of that. Ah’m always gonna come back for them, for you.’
He’d remembered saying those words to her, and the way she’d looked when he’d put them around her neck, assured, happy…safe.
For you Marie, always for you.
His hand shook slightly as he took them from Ororo’s hand, ‘where…?’
‘I found them Logan, outside your door, I’m sorry that I waited this long to give them to you, but I hoped that she would come back, or that you’d go looking for her sooner. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than was necessary. And I always knew what you’d feel if you found these…’ She gushed out the words one after the other, her eyes brimming with tears.
‘You can’t know, you can’t ever fuckin’ know…’ he spat the words out at her, dismissive of her apologies.
How she could know, know that Marie letting go of the tags meant she was letting go of him, she’d said forever, if ah walk out it’ll be forever. She didn’t have a part of him, wherever the hell she was she didn’t have a part of him, and the idea nearly killed him.
He didn’t replace the tags around his neck; instead he stuffed them in his pocket and slammed the door shut.
He’d missed them at first, the cold hard metal against his neck a stark contrast to the adamantium that seemed to be burned into his very soul.
When he’d first handed them over to Marie it had been significant, but he’d decided long since that they looked better on her. Shiny, gleaming metal that sparkled like her soul, it was odd then to hold the tags in his hands again, they seemed dulled almost, it didn’t fit, they didn’t suit him anymore.
The only place they’d ever look right was against her neck, against her skin, over her heart. Right next to her, carrying a part of him.
Marie had been at last thankful to her mother for teaching her the art of saving. She’d saved enough money in the bank to see her make it back to Caldecott, Mississippi. Back home to Ma and Pa, adoptive parents but home was home right, where the heart is and all that shit. Well not really, turned out good ol’ Ma and Pa had left, moved without telling her.
She hadn’t cried then, no point she’d told herself, don’t cry, and don’t look back. But she had one more stop to make before she left the state, Hope Heart General, where a boy she had once known, a boy she once believed she had loved and almost killed lay in a coma.
Three years of that guilt she’d carried around with her, three years of weighing her down, of almost killing her every time she’d pictured his face. Poor Cody, who knew kissin’ a girl could prove to be such a deadly mistake.
She’d stood at the window of his room, watched his mother tuck in the sheets around him, watched his father reading a paper in the corner, reading to him, all the latest baseball scores probably, Cody had been a sports nut.
Had been…had been, now he was just a boy dependant on a mother to tuck him in, dependant on a machine to tell he was still alive, still holdin’ on.
But she hadn’t cried then, as she’d walked out of the hospital’s automatic doors, she hadn’t cried, don’t cry, and don’t look back.
The first time she remembered it happening was on the road north, he hadn’t been all that bad lookin’, a little greasy haired, unshaven and needing a bath for the best part of a week. But he’d said he would take her all the way to the border as long as she was willin’ to pay him in kind.
She’d find out what that had meant when he’d pulled over, parked the truck in a little ditch. She’d sat there quietly as he’d ran his hand over her thigh and in between her legs, making sure she knew exactly what he wanted.
She’d smiled sweetly and moved into his touch, she let his hand travel further, across her taut stomach and hungrily grabbing at her breasts. She took out the band from her ponytail and shook her hair free.
Reaching over she settled in his lap the steering wheel jutting painfully in her back. She passed a hand over his face, tracing the lines with her fingers, along his jaw, down his neck, along his arm before reaching down the side of the seat she found the lever and pulled.
The seat fell backwards with a jolt, and she leaned forwards giving him the perfect view as she slowly undid the buttons of her shirt. Sitting up she wriggled provocatively in his lap, one hand in hair, the other moving slowly across her breast, dancing to a tune in her head.
He watched her awhile, fascinated by every move she made, and at just how easy she was making this. He reached for the button front of her jeans, sighing loudly as he saw more and more of her. Black lace underwear trimmed with deep, deep red, his fingers moved over the apex of her legs, slipping between the material and her heated flesh.
His fingers slid into her, roughly first, until she gasped just a little, before moving slower, pumping in and out, she pushed her hands against the roof of the truck pushing down on his hand, faster and harder until he felt the wetness slip out of her.
The windows were well and truly steamed now, she smiled down at him as he held up a little foil packet for her inspection. She took it from him and ripped open the packet went and did as much for his faded jeans, and then she just sat, waited until his expression darkened and he all but whined.
Smiling, she brought her hand up to her face and licked from the palm to the very fingertips. Her hand slick from her saliva she took a firm hold of him, using her moistened hand to run up and down his length, he moaned loudly as she slipped the rubber on him.
Bracing her knees either side of him, she slipped off her panties pushing them lower before sliding herself on top of him. She leaned forward placing her hands on the headrest by his neck; she let him bury himself deep inside her.
And then she began to move torturously slowly, just snaking her hips up and down, watching him as he begged for more friction, begged to push harder. She shook her head at him and slowly sliding her hands down his neck placed them firmly on both his shoulders.
She kept the torture going ‘til she thought he was going to explode, and then at last placing her head next to his she kissed him gently before whispering, ‘Come on baby, make me feel it..’
That was his cue; he thrust harder and harder and practically screamed his release.
It was the first time she knew what it was to fuck without caring, it was all about the moment, sex without the catch, she’d barely even known the guy’s name, but she knew without a doubt she’d given him the ride of his life.
She had walked away from the truck as they reached the border without looking back.
‘How ‘bout that Logan? Grown up enough for ya?’
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Well title says it all really, Marie having hot sex simply for the sake of it, and *sigh* it's not with Logan, at least not for quite a while yet!