Part 8- ‘Move Toward The Light….’
She was drowning…Oh God she was drowning, everything was dark and black, and there was nothing out there, nothing except the water she was drowning in, the water she was dying in.
Every time she opened her mouth to scream, it filled up with the acrid liquid, choking her, burning the back of her throat, forcing the air out of her lungs, pushing her under. Her arms felt leaden, her legs were heavy, and she felt like a dead weight.
And then there was the light, what did they always say…move toward the light, head for the light…
The light would end it…it would make the pain stop, she would be free…
He had driven like a man possessed for the rest of that night, Marie had slipped into unconsciousness. She lay on the cot in the back of his truck, her skin pale and her lips turning an alarming shade of blue.
She was breathing, only just, he had leant in close, her chest barely rose and fell, and at it was at that point that he’d hit the gas pedal and had not looked back since. He knew they would come after her, and maybe him as well now, they’d invested too much to let her go.
For some reason Marie was important, was vital to the plans of men in Kevlar jackets and their superiors whoever they were. The scars from the needles lay clear on her arms, deep ugly welts, marks showing their determination, what had they injected her with?
And what would have happened if he hadn’t gone back, if he had just kept driving, where would they have taken her, and what would they have done? He shuddered at the thought; he had come so close to losing her for good, he glanced back to her body lying so still, it scared the hell out of him realising that he might still do.
She hated green, hated it, fuckin’ green… that damn bright green florescent light shining down on her made her squint. Hurt the back of her eyes, and she couldn’t look away, move toward the light…
She took a step forward and stumbled…tripped over her own feet, landing hard on her knees, her bare knees, and looking down she realised she was on the floor of some sort of box. A cage of glass, she was suspended from the ceiling in a clear glass box, it was a small prison, she could touch all four walls if she barely stretched out her arms.
Bare arms, bruised skin, ugly deep welts marked every inch of skin and she grew nauseous. She struggled to her feet, glad to see she wasn’t completely nude; two thick strips of material covered the important parts.
It was so damn dark; the harsh green light that shone seemed to illuminate her prison alone, everything else was black, she pushed against the glass, pounded against it angrily. Her fists beat harder and harder, but it was no use, she only bruised and cut her knuckles.
The already pained skin opened up, blistering and bloodied fingers; she scratched them down the length of the glass, desperate and afraid, beaten and bloody. She sunk to her knees; all her effort drained the last of her energy, and she fell to the floor, her aching head bowed and her knees drawn to her chest.
‘Marie…’ She gasped, looking up suddenly and around her, she shook her head, not sure, not certain, but believing somehow, somewhere she had heard that voice before.
A familiar voice, a comforting voice, but where...where was it coming from? Was there someone else here, another prisoner, another trapped and afraid…? She jumped to her feet, vainly looking out into the vast emptiness, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness out there.
Where are you…who are you…?
She awoke at last with a choking gasp, sat bolt upright and then wished she had taken her time. The sickness returned, her stomach churned, as she lowered her feet slowly to the floor, looking around her, not at all unsure where she was.
The back of someone’s truck, the back of someone’s life more like, a basic sleeping cot, the one she’d just been sleeping in, a bag of clothes shoved to one side, and some tinned foods clattering around.
She craned her neck and turned to look at the driver of this little makeshift home, Logan. Her head pounded and her vision was a little blurred still, but there was no mistaking that head of hair, or the smell of that cigar that he was chomping.
The bright sunlight streamed in through the windscreen and she squinted against it, the harshness of it all sent her flying back to her visions, move toward the light…
She groaned as another wave of nausea hit her, grasping her stomach she called out to him. ‘Stop…’
He met her eyes in the rear view mirror, looked at her a while, jus’ makin’ sure, before shakin’ his head, ‘Can’t do that…have to keep goin’…’
She grew angry, either he stopped or whatever she ate last was gonna make a second appearance right here on her feet and all over the back of his truck, ‘Hey jack-ass, ya either stop this truck or ah’m gonna be addin’ to the already funky smell back here…’
He met her gaze once more, before pulling over to the side of the road, she pushed the back door’s open before the truck had even stopped and rushing to the side of the road fell to her knees.
She heaved, bracing both her hands on the grass and emptied the contents of her stomach, the cramps her stomach muscles endured were unbearable, her whole body shook as she half-kneeled and half-lay in the grass.
Logan came to stand close to her, leaning against the truck, he watched her as she struggled, she was alive, and he breathed a sigh of relief, she was still pissed off but at least she was alive. He had wiped the sweat from her brow for the past day and half, wondering hoping, praying that she would wake up.
It was a long drawn out process, her fever broke slowly, gradually the colour had returned to her lips, and she began to breathe easier. And because of that he began to breathe again, releasing the breath he’d long been holding, learning to allow hope into his heart once more as she seemed to make the small steps to recovery.
But his pace with the truck had not slowed, he kept to the back roads, the country tracks, rough terrain, in order to keep out from underneath their radar as long as possible, as long as it took for her to at least wake up.
And now she had, she was alive.
He watched her struggle to her feet, pulling herself up, spitting her mouth clean and looking around her, she barely glanced at him before she started walking; she took slow measured steps in the opposite direction of the truck, heading back along the deserted road, back the way he had come.
She was walking away again, walking away without looking back. He shook his head; let her struggle a few feet before he fell into step behind her. He kept his distance, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t let her go, not again.
‘Where are ya goin’ Marie…?’ He called out after at last. She didn’t answer, just kept walkin’, he got angry, for fuck’s sake, jus’ how stubborn could one girl be?
‘You can’t go back there Marie, ain’t nothin’ for ya back there, not anymore.’ She stopped at last, didn’t bother turning around, and couldn’t bear to admit that he was right.
‘Ya don’t know that, they were ma friends…it was home.’ She barely whispered the words, home…
He scoffed, ‘Come on Marie, even you know that’s a load of bull, they weren’t ya friends, they set you up…’ His words were deliberately short, intentionally painful.
‘Fuck off Logan, ya don’t know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout!’ She turned around at last, angry and shaking.
‘Oh yeah? Think ‘bout Marie, who was the first guy you met, the first friend you made, who kept you there, kept you close. Always listened to you, was always there for you, found you that job, helped you out…’
Her eyes grew wide, ‘Joe…’ Her first friend, the guy she’d shared her misery with over a beer, the guy who’d got her on her feet, got her that job.
And all along, he was…he had betrayed her.
There was no home, no place to call her own, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, she was alone all over again.
Her strength was fading, but she had to get away, from him, from this, to let this go, let me crawl in a ditch…leave me alone, don’t wanna be helped no more, don’t wanna be hurt no more. Let me throw this away, get rid of this shit hole that is my life.
She all but limped now, every step a painful dragging of the feet, she fought against the tears that were starting, she beat her clenched her fist against her thigh, don’t cry, not now, hot here, not like this.
Ya can do this, ya don’t need him, don’t need anyone.
‘MARIE!’ He shouted, the menace in his growl clear, he was losing patience with her, for fuck’s sake girl, jus’ let me in.
‘How far d’ya think you’re gonna get huh? What d’ya thinks gonna happen when they find you again…what would’ve if ah hadn’t come back for ya…’
She laughed, a bitter, short laugh that hurt even as the sound escaped her, she clutched her chest dramatically, ‘Oh my hero…!’
He gritted his teeth, ‘Look whether ya like it or not, ya need me…’ she didn’t give him a chance to finish before she turned on him.
‘Need ya?’ she spat at him, ‘correction Logan, ah needed ya back then and ya let me down, so ya can excuse me if ah ain’t lookin’ for a repeat performance!’
She was right, he had let her down, but he was here, too damn late maybe, but he had come back, for her.
She tried to walk quicker, but it was all too much and barely a step later and she collapsed. Coughing away, Logan hurried up to her just as she started to heave again, she choked as the liquid left her system, her fists clenched tight as she fought to gain control.
They both stared at the patch of grass in front of her, she was spitting up blood, dark red spots covered the area.
She looked up at him, afraid and hurt, and he could only sit down in the grass beside her, they sat that way the longest while, the blood slowly drying, the pain a gulf between them.
‘This has happened before hasn’t it?’ He asked her at last, she nodded, drawing her knees to her chest she looked like she had done all those months ago, on the Academy steps, alone and tired.
This time he could only hope he had the right things to say, that he did the right thing.
‘Started couple months ago, ah’d black out, there’d be this pain, in ma head. It’s like someone pushin’ these knives into ma head, hurts like hell. Next thin’ ah know ah’m wakin’ up and ah’ve lost three days…’ She sighed, ‘and ah don’t know what happens, it’s like ah’ve lost time…’
He listened intently, Joe had said as much, ‘This is the first I’ve seen of her in over three days…’
‘How long was ah out it this time?’ she asked him.
‘A day and half...’ he looked at her as he spoke, ‘Marie, ya should know ah’m takin’ ya back, to the Academy…’
She shook her head, ‘Forget it, no way ah’m going back there, no fuckin’ way.’ She struggled to get to her feet.
No way, she wouldn’t go back there, back to where her heart weighed heavy, where she hadn’t been wanted or need, where he hadn’t wanted her. The Academy, the place it had all fallen apart, that place where she hadn’t been able to put it back together, where none of the pieces fit the way she wanted them to, it was no place, no home.
‘Ah won’t force ya to stay there Marie…’ he knew what she was thinking, knew that she had felt trapped there, was afraid of being caged again, chained to a memory, chained to a life that was miserable.
And he meant it, he wanted her to be safe, wanted so much to tell her he loved her, to be everything she had needed and more, but he wasn’t going to force her into anything. Most of all he wanted her to live, whatever that meant for her, even if it meant that she would walk away again, when this was all over, he was willing to do it…let her walk away.
Because he loved her…, because it was what she wanted, not him, not this but to be free, free to hurt, free to give it away, free to break apart that heart of hers. Break it apart and fix it into something new, something different, never the same, because that took away the pain.
She had to find her own way, maybe if he was lucky, the hours would stretch into days, stretch into weeks and she would stay, just stay. Because he now realised too late, that his chance had come and gone, he loved her but he couldn’t tell her, not now, and he couldn’t have made her stay, it had to be her choice.
She had to choose to stand still, to leave her bags unpacked. Strange, those years she must have wanted the same thing from him, to hope that the hours would stretch into days, into weeks and into months, always on the edge, knowing that at any point he would leave, without so much as a word to anyone.
Now it was his turn to be on edge, hoping that once they got to the Academy the bags would stay unpacked.
‘Ah jus’ want Doc McCoy to look ya over, and make sure those fuckers can’t get at ya…after that Marie; it’s your choice…’
Your choice, even if that means I’m left with nothing.
She’d been asleep, sound asleep, peaceful without the nightmares when it had happened. Something slammed into the back of the truck and she was thrown from her cot. The truck skidded forward, propelled by the impact, it had been a cold night, and the Canadian border roads were iced over.
The truck glided easily before its momentum halted and it came to an uneasy stop, and as she looked up from the floor, she could see the blizzard raging outside. Could see it and feel it as well, there was a gaping hole in the windscreen, exactly in the place Logan would have sat.
Logan!
The snow piled in, a bitter wind whistling through the whole vehicle. Damn stupid ox, ya would have thought being sent through the windscreen once in a lifetime would be enough to make the seatbelt someone’s best friend, but not him, the same thing had happened to the dumb-ass twice.
She shook herself free of the blankets and made her way to the front of the truck, the winds whipped up her hair, she pushed it out of her face before settling into the driver’s seat, she peeked out of the broken glass, looking for a sign of him.
She couldn’t see him; she couldn’t see very much at all, the snow had visibility down to just a few yards. He wasn’t there, Logan wasn’t there. She was aware of the panic that rose in her chest, the constricting heart, the blood running cold, where are ya, ya dumb ox?
She’d began to think they’d run into another tree, and that was the reason they’d crashed in the first place, it was only when the heavy duty black SUV scraped past the truck, rocking it from side to side that she knew what was happening.
They’ve come for you Marie, and you’re all alone.
She heard the skidding of their tyres, saw their rear taillights disappearing into the storm, before it stopped and swung around to face her. The strong headlights beamed, she placed a hand over her face shielding her eyes, the SUV’s windows were tinted, and it was all black.
But she was sick of this shit, something in her snapped, she stared at the truck, stared straight into the tinted windows and smiled, she was tired of playing everyone else’s game, games where she didn’t know the rules, fuck this, she thought, ya want me, come and get me ya bastards.
She threw the gears into reverse, and floored the gas pedal, Logan’s truck lurched into action, the tyres skidding furiously, the rubber burning as the truck flew backwards. She hit the brakes hard, and came to a screeching halt.
Marie waited having put at least a couple hundred yards of road between her and the black SUV. They weren’t moving, but she was, she rammed the gears hard and forced the truck forwards, her foot pressed flat against the floor as she pushed the truck for all it was worth. She smiled wider when they moved forwards as well, she wasn’t going to change course, and it didn’t look like they were gonna get out the way either.
Logan looked up having crawled up from the steep embankment, his claws embedded from the dirt as he’d tried to stop himself sliding further down the side of the road. He had heard the screeching of tyres, and had seen the black SUV flying past, Marie!
He was still watching when his own truck came speeding past but going backwards! He watched as Marie smiled, turned to look at what she was heading for, his eyes widened as he watched the SUV move forwards as well.
He screamed out for her to stop, but she didn’t hear him and if she had she wasn’t listening, crazy ass bitch was going to play chicken with a truck that was bigger and stronger in every sense of the word.
She was going to get herself killed, and it was then he realised she just didn’t care…
He watched in horror as she yanked the handbrake up, pulled the steering wheel and threw his truck into a ninety degree turn directly in the path of the oncoming SUV, saw
the metal of the trucks come together, saw his vehicle crushed like a tin can, saw the sparks fly, the momentum from the heavy duty SUV carrying both trucks down the road.
The noise, God the noise was unbearable, the screeching and desperate grinding of gears as the driver of the SUV fought to gain control of his truck.
But the ice on the road carried them forward and they slammed into a tree, his truck bearing the force of the impact, it was flattened against the large fir, pinned and ripped to shreds.
‘MARIE…!’
The scream ripped from his throat, as far as he knew she was still in that truck, he began to run, he had to get her out, she was still alive, somehow she’d managed to survive even this.
But he barely got within a few metres of the wreck when his worst nightmare played out, the trucks blew up…! He was lifted off his feet from the blast, slammed into the floor and was forced to watch helplessly as a massive fireball shot high into the air…
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Her strength was fading, but she had to get away, from him, from this, to let this go, let me crawl in a ditch…leave me alone, don’t wanna be helped no more, don’t wanna be hurt no more. Let me throw this away, get rid of this shit hole that is my life.
See I have been good, two updates in as many days, though you can shoot me now for the cliffie at the end of this chapter, what can I say, it's a big-un :)
See I have been good, two updates in as many days, though you can shoot me now for the cliffie at the end of this chapter, what can I say, it's a big-un :)