When I reached my room, there was a clear, blue CD case sitting on my floor, as if someone had slid it under my door. I picked it up, noting the boyish cursive that proclaimed the CD “Rogue’s Mix.” There was a note along with it in the same handwriting. It read: “Dear Rogue, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’ve learned my lesson. Please take this humble gift as a gesture of apology. Sincerely, Travis Ryan.”
Highly skeptical, I played the CD on my laptop while I changed my clothes. I didn’t recognize the first track until it got to the chorus. It was “Poison” by Alice Cooper. Little bastard didn’t know how right he was. I picked up the remote and flipped it to the next song. White Snake, “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight.” I flipped it again. The Doors, “People Are Strange.” The rest of the CD was the same. Most of the songs were good ones, only with mildly insulting titles like “Psycho Therapy” by The Ramones. God, talk about holding a grudge.
I finished dressing, and then got out a pen and paper to send my reply. “Flea: Thank you so much for the mix. How’d you know I like classic rock? Your apology is gladly accepted. I’m happy to know that you’re mature enough to realize that we’re all a team, and we’re all in this together. Things are going to be changing a lot for you next year since you’re going to be a freshman. If this gesture is any indication, then I think that you’re going to grow up to be a very well-rounded, likeable guy. Thanks again for the CD. If you feel like making me another one, I am from Mississippi, so maybe a little ‘Mississippi Queen’ is in order? Just a thought. Thanks again, Rogue.”
There. That was mature and suitably sarcastic. Even if he was dense enough to take it seriously, it would only serve to make him feel bad. Provided he had a conscience. I wasn’t quite sure about that.
Taking my purse, the note, and my heavy bag of returns with me, I headed downstairs to meet Jubilee and Kitty in the game room. On my way, I happened to run into Artie. I gave him the note to give to Flea, along with a huge, friendly grin, just to confuse the hell out of him.
Bobby was already with Kitty and Jubilee when I got there. He was saying, “How could you guys want to go shopping again? Didn’t you just get back from a week-long shopping spree?”
Jubilee blinked at him, her face blank. “Yeah. Your point?”
“I guess I don’t really have one.”
“Hey, how’d the big meeting go?” Jubilee asked when she noticed me. At the question, Kitty looked up from her palm pilot and Bobby grew tense.
“It’s official. I’m terminal.”
Disappointment flashed in Jubilee’s eyes, but she just said, “Suckage.”
I ignored her pity, and Kitty and Bobby’s, and replied just as causally, “Totally. You guys ready?”
The four of us went out to the garage. Bobby punched in the password into the computer and swiped his Student ID so that we could check out a car. It wasn’t one of Cyclops’s really nice ones, but it was a fairly new model of the Saturn Eclipse. Definitely not something we were ashamed to be seen in. We played rock, paper, scissors to see who would drive. Jubilee won. I quickly called shotgun so that Bobby and Kitty would have to squeeze in the back together. Jubilee winked at me over the roof of the car, since we were now coconspirators.
The mall was fairly dead and I was on a mission, so we got my shopping done quickly. Kitty and Jubilee mourned the loss of the clothes they’d so diligently helped me pick out, not heartened by my constant assurances that we were doing a service to mankind. Once I was satisfied with my new wardrobe, Jubilee dragged Kitty off to skimpier territory while Bobby and I hit Best Buy on the way to the food court.
“Hey, look,” Bobby said, picking up the new Razorlight album.
“They’ve been around forever,” I remarked. “Johnny Borrell still thinks he’s Jim Morrison and Bob Dylan combined. Rock star egos. What’re you gonna do?”
“Yeah, I still like them, though. I was probably twelve when their first CD came out. I remember my friend’s sister had it. Ah, here it is. Up All Night. I gotta buy both of these, man. ‘Golden Touch,’ now that’s a great song.” To my horror, he started to sing, “‘I know a girl with a golden touch / She’s got enough, she’s got too much / But I know, you wouldn’t mind / You could have it all it if you want it / You could have it all if it mattered – ’”
“Bobby,” I interrupted. “Bobby. You’re very loud.” And off-key.
“Oh, I embarrass you. That’s really why you broke up with me, isn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes.”
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What is it like in your head? With me in there, I mean. I never understood that.”
“It’s hard to explain. I don’t even know. It’s not really you, but it’s enough like you that I sometimes feel like if turn around really fast you’ll be standing behind me. You don’t talk to me or anything. It’s not like I hear voices. I might find myself doing things you would do, though. Like at Thanksgiving last year. I couldn’t stand the smell of yams, even though they used to be my favorite.”
“Ugh, I hate yams.”
“I know you do.”
“You talk like me, too.” Sounding like Yosemite Sam he continued, “Your Southern drawl’s almost completely gone, little darlin’.”
“I forbid you from talking like that ever again. But, yeah, I did notice that.”
“Do you have my memories?”
“I think I only remember them if you were thinking something specifically while we were touching.” I grinned teasingly. “Like your first kiss, in kindergarten behind the bushes with Julie Reeder. Thinking about another girl while you’re kissing me. For shame.”
Bobby laughed. “If it’s any consolation, your breath smells a lot better than hers did. I think she ate dirt.”
“I think she did, too. You sure do know how to pick the ladies.”
“Eh, you weren’t so bad. Not much to look at, though.”
I elbowed him in the ribs. “Shut up and buy me a Cinnabun, Icepick.”
We hung around the mall for a while longer, basking in our easy camaraderie. It was dusk before we got back to the school. We would’ve stayed out later, but the car needed to be back.
Logan was waiting for me, a first in my estimation. “Feel like going to a movie?” he asked me.
“You want to go to the movie theater? You know there are people there, right?”
He shrugged. “I was a dick. Thought I’d make up to you.”
Be still, my heart. “I could go for that. Let me put my stuff away in my room.”
“We’ll help,” Jubilee announced, taking one of the smaller bags from me. We all crowded into the elevator, standing in silence. It was too much for Jubilee. “So what movie are you gonna see? I recommend the new Johnny Depp one. I swear to God, that man does not age. You think he’s a mutant? Probably. Hey, Bobby, you and Kitty should go along. It’d be like a double – ” She caught Logan’s glare. “Never mind.”
We reached the second floor. My door was second across from the elevator, right next door to Bobby’s. Logan’s room was down the hall.
Jubilee unceremoniously tossed the bag she’d been carrying onto my bed. “Here, here’s your stuff. Have fun, kiddies. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
When she, Bobby, and Kitty had disappeared into Bobby’s room, Logan leaned on my doorframe, exasperated. “Does that girl ever shut up?”
“Huh-uh. I don’t even think she has to breathe anymore.”
“Remind me again how you two could be the same age?”
That was the best compliment he could’ve given me. Smiling, I replied, “Don’t let her exuberance fool you. She’s pretty crafty. You’d be surprised.”
Suddenly serious, Logan studied me closely, his head cocked. “Are you happier now?”
“Happiness is relative. I’m balanced, that’s what matters.”
Logan grunted his approval. “C’mon, let’s get outta here. Kid.”
Yeah, I was definitely in love with that man, more so at that moment than ever before. As for him, I knew he cared a lot about me, loved me even. It wasn’t everything I wanted, but it was enough. Nothing about my surroundings had changed, yet for once I was happy to be right where I was. And grateful. I hadn’t been truly grateful in a long time.