My head felt like an empty bubble.
The emotions that are aroused by walking from a busy street into a hospital, where everything is white and clean, almost obnoxiously so, were very similar to those that I felt when I woke up. The sensations in my mind and body were disturbingly light and empty.
It was so distracting that I failed to notice where I was for the first couple of seconds. Only Logan's voice could softly lure me back into reality.
“Hey, baby. How you feelin'?”
I needed a moment to answer, taking in my surroundings and letting the calming fact that I was back at the Mansion and currently in Logan's bed sink in. He sat on the edge of the mattress and stroked my hair lovingly, an unusual mix of relief and worry in his eyes.
I threw a quick look to the alarm clock on the bedside table. 4:20. It had to be afternoon.
“I'm fine – my head feels weird, but I'm good.”
I dizzily pushed the covers aside to sit up and noticed that I was wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, both with the school's logo printed onto them. It made sense, my clothes were all back in who-knows-where, sitting in my duffel bag and then ones I'd been wearing were probably ruined with blood and all kinds of dirt. I briefly wondered if Logan had taken care of dressing me...it seemed likely, considering none of the others would dare to come in danger of touching my skin – or being ripped to pieces by Logan for seeing me in my underwear.
I absently smiled at that and crawled onto his lap to snuggle into the warm embrace he extended to me.
“Thank God, I was so scared for you.” He pressed me against his chest and sighed deeply.
“I was scared for you, too,” I whispered while the memories of our encounter with Sabretooth played in my mind like an old movie I had seen years ago.
“I know, baby, I know...you were really brave. A little too brave,” Logan said. The shock still seemed to be fresh for him.
“Yeah,” I agreed, feeling silly.
It had been a stupid and dangerous spur-of-the-moment decision to use my powers in a fight. I didn't know myself and my mutation well enough to do something like that and I certainly hadn't expected myself to be able to kill anyone. It had probably been a mix of self-preservation instincts and being afraid of Logan getting hurt to drive me to a rash decision like that. I was a tiny bit proud of myself, but mostly afraid and ashamed.
I faintly remembered that something had happened last night to make me want to return to the school, that there was something I had to do, something I had come back for...the Professor. Yes. There was something about Magneto and a dangerous plan, but the details had escaped me. Whenever I tried to remember something that I knew was part of someone else's memory, I felt like I was trying to walk through a mental blockade or something.
“What happened to my head?” I asked Logan.
“Well...I don't know the details,” he said. “But basically...it was getting a little crowded inside your head, especially after...the bar. Sabretooth was having quite a party up there and I guess I wasn't happier to run into him than I was in real life, so we were battling inside of you or something. Your brain couldn't take it and went into standby, just shut itself off. You were out for a couple of days, it was...it was pretty bad. The Professor messed with your head a little bit, locked away all the people who don't belong there, and you woke up soon after. Thank God.”
So that explained the emptiness. I hadn't been alone in my head for a while now, even if it only been David at first. The sudden void would definitely take some getting used to, but it was a huge relief to be on my own again. I didn't really mind Logan's presence of course, I even enjoyed it at times, but constantly hearing voices could drive a person insane over time.
“Are they gone or just locked up? I mean...can I still access the stuff that I absorbed or is it all gone?” I asked, my voice trembling nervously. Remembering Magneto's plans might just be crucial to our survival, so I definitely had to find those memories again.
In addition to that, I had caught glimpses of Logan's past in Sabretooth's thoughts, but didn't remember more than the mere fact that it was there because I hadn't had much time to dig into it. Whatever Sabretooth knew, I had to remember that as well. With Logan being desperate to find anything at all about his past, this would be more than he had bargained for...answers to everything.
I didn't dare to tell him that I might be able to help him uncover the great mysteries of his life, in fear that the information had be permanently erased after all. It would only disappoint him and, worst-case scenario, drive him to go after Sabretooth again to make him spill all he knew. Definitely not an option at this point.
“It's all there, just not the way it used to be,” Logan explained, rubbing my back and I let out a silent sigh of relief.
“I don't know how it works. I'm sure the Professor can explain it to you later. He said there was a whole load of crap in your head.”
“He saw it?” My eyes instantly widened, my mouth the slightest bit open.
“Yeah, he saw everything when he went through it. He didn't tell me much, but apparently Magneto wasn't after me; he wanted you to use you for some machine that would turn a bunch of government officials into mutants at the UN Summit this week. And he sent a shapeshifter here to poison Cerebro and to talk you into running away so it would be easier to get to you.”
“So what Bobby told me...?”
“Was bullshit, coz it wasn't your friend telling you that, it was that metamorph chick.”
“And the Professor isn't mad at me?”
“No, he ain't mad,” Logan reassured me. “Never was, actually. Scooter was pretty pissed though, when I walked in here, carrying you, unconscious and all. Especially a few days after telling him I was entirely capable of keeping you safe. Called me some names that I didn't think he'd even know...he gave me a pretty hard time. Or tried to, ya know.”
I gave Logan a light smile, running my ungloved fingers over his cotton-covered chest and shoulders, while his face remained solemn.
“Scott might have been angry with me, but it was nowhere near the guilt trip I set myself on...you have no idea how sorry I am that I didn't look out for you better. I promised to, and then I fucked up and I'm so, so sorry,” he rambled on until I interrupted him.
“Don't worry about that, really. It wasn't your fault.”
He opened his mouth to disagree but I silenced him with a quick kiss. My skin caught just a tiny bit of his thoughts – full of guilt and relief and the need to hide me away from the world so nobody could ever harm me again – that floated through my mind until it disappeared in what I assumed to be Logan's compartment in my head.
“That's cool,” I said, earning a questioning look from him.
“See, the bit I caught of you just now...it was in my mind for one second and then it was gone. Still there, but locked away, like you said. It's like my head is full of zip-archives, that's kind of fun.”
Logan raised one eyebrow at me, not seeming to fully grasp what I was talking about. He probably hadn't had any interest in acquiring profound computer knowledge while he'd been driving around in a trailer and cage-fighting for a living.
“Well, it's like – ”
I began to explain, but his lips were already brushing against mine again, warm and tender in a much too short caress. I felt his healing powers run through my body, as if to quickly check for any places that might need fixing, while his presence rushed over me like a pleasant wave of affection before disappearing into its zip-folder and leaving me with the feeling of emptiness that I slowly started to recognize as myself.
“You wanna go talk to Chuck?” Logan asked after a minute of comfortable silence.
“You do that and then you ask me if I wanna leave this room?” I teased him, but withdrew from his embrace to get up and find something to cover my arms and hands with.
He held out two pairs of thin black gloves, one my size and one much bigger.
“Did you...?” Handing me my pair, he pulled on his own, eyeing his hands with disapproval.
“I specifically told Jean not to get those that would make me look like a freaking 19th-century magician. But does the woman ever listen...?”
I reached out to take Logan's gloved hand in my still bare one.
It was a small gesture for him to buy gloves but it moved me immensely. I didn't need physical proof that he cared about me; I already knew he did, but this somehow made the unbelievable things that had happened between us in the past few days a little more real.
He didn't make a fuzz about wearing these undoubtedly silly-looking gloves and would lightly brush off their significance if anyone asked him about them, but I could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what they meant to me. Another step towards freedom.
I tucked my gloves into the back pocket of the sweatpants and followed Logan out the door and down the hall, tightly holding on to his hand.
He must have recognized the origin of the warm, happy smile on my face, because he lifted my hand to his face to briefly kiss my fingers and whispered, “You don't have to hide yourself like that, not from me, never from me.”
I stared up at him in awe, pulling us to a halt and standing on my toes to be able to reach his face with my lips.
“The legal age of consent is 17 in the state of New York; I hope you're aware of that, Logan?” Scott's bitter voice echoed through the hall from behind us and interrupted our moment.
“That's none of your business,” Logan growled at him darkly, turning around and possessively pulling me closer. I placed a calming hand on his side in an attempt to avoid a confrontation.
“Mr. Summers, it's really not like that, we - ”
“Not yet, Rogue, not yet. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, what he is really like,” Scott interrupted my nervous rambling; apparently not interested in any peace-keeping activities.
Logan was ready to defend my honor, but I restrained him with a meaningful look. This wasn't going to be easy or wise, but I knew that if I wanted to be seen as an autonomic individual, and not just the poor little lost kid that he had picked up in some bar and was now successfully corrupting and mentally undressing at any given moment, I had to stand up for myself and not have him do that.
“Funny you should say that, Mr. Summers,” I said in my best innocent voice. “Pretending you know all about Logan, when I'm the one who's got him in her head.”
I shrugged and smiled at him brightly, acting surprised by his insight.
“Rogue, you – ”Scott was baffled and his eyes darted back and forth between Logan and me, unsure of who to blame for the scandal at hand. I decided to step up my game a bit and give him something to think about.
“And as it appears to me at the moment, you have a dirtier mind than he does. Shocking, no?”
I looked up at Logan, my mouth hanging open with played astonishment on my face. His expression mirrored my own, except for the fact that his surprise was real.
Scott opened his mouth to say something but was so shocked that nothing came out. He stared at me for another couple of seconds before he finally turned around and stomped away from us, shaking his head in despair and muttering something about lost morals.
As soon as he had rounded a corner, I broke into a fit of nervous giggles.
“What did I do?” I gasped, laughing, covering my mouth with my hands.
Logan joined into my laughter and raised his brows in wonder. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”
I beamed at him, shocked and proud of myself at the same time. “I wasn't thinking. The Professor's treatment left my brain with a bunch of fried synapses,” I offered.
“Right,” he said sarcastically.
“Either way, the last part was a lie.”
“The – what?”
By the time Logan realized what I was talking about, I had already made it to the stairs and was on my way down with a grin on my face.
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Chapter End Notes:
ahh it was just so satisfying to have Marie do that to Scott ^_^